If you've already made up your mind to CTB, what keeps you waiting?

[FoxInWaiting]

I'm just wondering, to those who do plan to leave, what keeps you here until then?

Recently I feel like I've just been waiting for the right time, my mind has been fully made up since the beginning of last year.

Got my note made in the form of a video, got my method ready to go at a moments notice, got things set up to make a quick exit at any time, loose ends and all.

So....what am I waiting for?

Well, what are YOU waiting for is what I'm asking. I'm not encouraging anyone to "hurry up, get on with it" or anything, I'd never do that, you make your exit when and if you want.

But to those who have made their plans absolute, what keeps you here?

Maybe just the last shreds of hope? Praying something will happen, someone will notice the subtle hints, something will finally change.....

I'm curious to hear what you have to say....or...type.

 

[MrDarkness]

I could hang myself, I'm planning on buying sn, I'm just going to ctb when I have nothing left to do or sick of life, just waiting for my downfall any day now

 

[cath55555]

I'm just wondering, to those who do plan to leave, what keeps you here until then?

Recently I feel like I've just been waiting for the right time, my mind has been fully made up since the beginning of last year.

Got my note made in the form of a video, got my method ready to go at a moments notice, got things set up to make a quick exit at any time, loose ends and all.

So....what am I waiting for?

Well, what are YOU waiting for is what I'm asking. I'm not encouraging anyone to "hurry up, get on with it" or anything, I'd never do that, you make your exit when and if you want.

But to those who have made their plans absolute, what keeps you here?

Maybe just the last shreds of hope? Praying something will happen, someone will notice the subtle hints, something will finally change.....

I'm curious to hear what you have to say....or...type.

I've had my mind made up for a while, or rather, made up for me. I just don't feel like staying here is what I want, what others want. I can't imagine my future past a certain time, can't imagine marrying or being an old person or whatever.

I'm not entirely sure what's keeping me here. I think there are small things. My cats, for one thing, I love them with all of my heart and I know they wouldn't be looked after in the best way if I did CTB (for example, I have 3 who are siblings and I know they would get split up, which now they are adult cats would devastate them because they are close). I don't feel particularly hopeful most of the time, so I don't think it's hope that's keeping me here. Guilt, maybe? I don't want my friends to be upset, and as hard as it is to admit to myself that they probably would be sad, I have to think that they do show that they care. They're good friends.

Maybe when the small things start disappearing I'll CTB. But for now I'm not sure. I feel distant and alone, but at the same time too tethered to leave. It's a weird feeling.

 

[The anhedonic one]

My original plan was to go to Mexico for N.
Yet during the past 2 weeks my mental health has declined even further to the point where I can barely function.
I don't have the emotional resources to go to Mexico anymore, I'm an absolute wreck.
I'm currently thinking of all types of things to put myself out of my misery once and for all because there is absolutely nothing keeping me here whatsoever and I just want to die now and be done with it all.

 

[UKscotty]

I'm just a total coward and failure, can't even CTB.

 

[Darkover]

my time to go came 7 years ago back in 2016 when i got a brain injury, 7 long slow years of wanting to die everyday
i was always better off never existing in the first place just need a method that is acceptable to me like N
they took away my choice to die enslaved me in awful shit and made me live out my misery here it's unacceptable and unforgivable
what goes around comes around

 

[Praestat_Mori]

My plans are ready for the CO method, all utilities are there, just need to go ahead with it, as I have planned it long ago and long before I even knew about SaSu. What keeps me back: still some hope left, family, wife, mum, they all would be destroyed and wouldn't be able to understand my personal reasons and decisions regarding CTB. Stupid, i know, because it's my choice not theirs.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Waiting for my Dad to go first.

 

[smpkie]

I want to help some people to not end up like me before I actually CBT

 

[Document6105]

I'll be taking care of my pets.
Once they pass, I'll wait for the right conditions before my CTB methods are viable.
That will likely only be couple days after then.

 

[EmmaQanbana]

For me, I'm more scared of what happens in the hereafter.

I'm scared of jumping into the unknown when it comes to CTB, I'm scared because idk what happens after death. It's always been a pain to think abt because I feel like if I wasn't scared of that, I probably would've committed a long time ago.

Not only that, I'm kinda Praying that something happens and I find a sliver of hope, something, ANYTHING, that'll make me say "hey. I should stay alive"

Not only THAT, but i have something that I wanna do before I go. A lot of things, and in a hypothetical scenario where I'm right about what happens after death, I don't wanna leave things tainted.

 

[90starve]

i think it's just fear that is keeping me here now - but to combat this, i have picked a date. if i don't find a substantial reason to stay alive by the time that date comes, i have given myself enough time to prepare my method and will hopefully be ready to leave.

 

[FailerQt.]

Lack of money, my method is expensive

 

[mlcs]

Lack of money, my method is expensive

which method

 

[FailerQt.]

which method

Inert gas

 

[Flailure 513282]

I'm a massive procrastinator. It keeps me from achieving the things I want, including dying.

 

[NoLongerHuman.]

I already have almost everything set up, excluding the note. The main things stopping me are my pets, my best friend, and a personal goal. My pets were given to me from a will, and I can't give them to anyone else unless I want them to live terrible lives. I and my best friend are each other's lifeline if you will, and because I want him to live the good life he deserves, I'm still here. My personal goal is to try and stop people from me being made, that being said, it only worked a few times. The other one, which isn't really a strong one, is to outlive my abusers, and I suppose that will take a while. I wouldn't be here if I didn't care about my pets, friends, and other people, but yeah.

 

[FuneralCry]

Only the inaccesible, complicated and risky nature of suicide keeps me trapped here, but I've certainly never wished to endure existence at all and not-existing is the only comfort, it's so tragic how we are denied a right to die in peace and are expected to just wait until we die anyway, all that existing is, is just waiting to cease existing, sadly if one doesn't find a way to leave they have no choice but to continue.

 

[kerakott]

Me, partial hanging, still practicing how to close both carotises at the same time.
I have purchased bdsm rope. The place where is final act will be played, is also founded. It is not something you will do in 3 minutes. It takes some planning.
Letters is almost complete.
I will thank everyone for helping me to get here where i am now.
Kids need to know, what happened with their father.
And thats it.
And pardon my french. English is not mu mother language and i am now 46 years old and never ever learned a single lesson im english. Just to be clear. It is my first post. So i have lot in my mind.
And for moderators, thanks for let in me in.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

At this point, its a few concerns I have with my own personal life and also the fact that my family has already seen two funerals in 7 months so I'm not sure I want to add to that list so soon although these feelings may be temporary. Sn is obtainable and AE as well I hope. I hope when I do take that final step, I hope I do successfully CTB.

 

[Sweet Tart]

I lack access to N or anything that would enable a peaceful and dignified death. I'm trying to accept that I might not have a peaceful death and that's hard to reconcile. I've tried to get better for years, so I'm not hopeful that there is an alternative to ctb for me but maybe there is. I'm not determined to die- anything could happen. Unfortunately, it's very likely that pressures in my life will reach a point which is intolerable and I will have to weigh the pain of continuing to live against the pain of an unpleasant death.

 

[ARW3N]

The damn survival instinct! Pro-lifers always exploit that in the suicidal with the false belief that they really want to live! Everything would be so much easier if one had access to sodium pentobarbital or cyanide. Nobody realises how hard it is to pluck up the courage to hang oneself or jump from a high building.

 

[Nagito]

Life insurance suicide clause... I have a counter on my phone for when it's been two years. Waiting feels unbearable though. I want to end it every day

 

[Unattainable666]

Two things - I need to wait until my cat passes (she has liver cancer) and I need to have enough money to pay for my cremation

 

[Galaxie76]

I still have to wait for the right time and I don't know if I'll do it at home, where my parents will probably find me, or in a hotel. If I do do it at home, I have to wait - even if I have my own apartment - until my parents are on vacation and can't find me early.
Unfortunately, something went wrong with my plan and I don't know anymore if the medication I have is enough for my CTB (I just wrote a thread about it) I don't want to survive and wake up with a damage.

I´m using google translate. Sorry for my bad English

 

[alphaomega]

Fear of failure, fear of success.

 

[RumbleMan]

I could hang myself…
But every time I keep grabbing the chair again, or I see or hear my cats.
Tbh my cats are the ones that are keeping me alive, they are the only organisms that dont judge me or hate me for who I am. I can snuggle with them and when they leave I'm sad.
Any tips to succeed with hanging?

 

[jemetire]

SN Shipping

 

[BetterInTheory]

Fear of failing. I need to do a lot more research to guarantee success; can't risk surviving

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I have a trip I'm going on in a few weeks, and then after that I am going to see my doctor and see if he can help me with 2 of my problems. if he can help with both, I'll delay suicide for a few months. if not, I'll (hopefully) for sure CTB by the end of summer. My main problem that brings me here cannot be solved so my suicide is inevitable either way. Just a matter of when.