Discussion If you're autistic, how do you feel about your autism?

[Skelix]

-10/-10

The restaurant promised good life service, but my plate had dead rats as everyday service.

 

[inconstantprayer]

I don't feel any sort of way about it, its just like the way ive always been, its part of how im wired, and you can only be yourself. people with varying degrees of autistic qualities are evident to me though, though they probably would not be otherwise, and i would probably think they were really bizarre behavior instead of understanding it as keenly as I do.

 

[2messdup]

Sad because I wasnt diagnosed until I was 60 last year and instead of being looked after and being taught how to cope I've been rejected and dismissed and ridiculed my whole life and felt useless, unlikeable and weird without knowing why. Lots of other stuff has made my life shit but autism really didn't help. I see no advantages to being autistic. It made life much harder and deprived me of any friends or other support network. And worst of all, I just want to help vulnerable/hurting people but what I say makes them feel worse

 

[J&L383]

I truly and genuinely believe it makes me subhuman. I am immeasurably a worse person in every conceivable way due to both my autism and my interactions with other autistic people. I am so envious of people who are so neurotypical they don't even know what autism is that I just want to crush them into a pulp. But lately I've taught myself to relish in making other people's lives worse, so I'm actually starting to enjoy being the worthless leech that I am. Yeeeesssss… waste your resources on me… I'm coming to take everything from you… it's actually kinda anti-establishment and will hasten human extinction in some small way, which is actually kinda good. I guess I'm the kind of person who can find a silver lining in everything!

Silver linings are good.

Sad because I wasnt diagnosed until I was 60 last year and instead of being looked after and being taught how to cope I've been rejected and dismissed and ridiculed my whole life and felt useless, unlikeable and weird without knowing why. Lots of other stuff has made my life shit but autism really didn't help. I see no advantages to being autistic. It made life much harder and deprived me of any friends or other support network. And worst of all, I just want to help vulnerable/hurting people but what I say makes them feel worse

Also over 60, but undiagnosed, but very likely, but will remain unevaluated due to inability to find a qualified professional, plus . . Much of what you said is echoed for me. (A niece and a nephew are diagnosed, and my father had hallmarks, and I think two of my grandparents, and my mother, as well. Hard to believe I've done as well as I have.)

 

[sadalways]

Personally, hate it. For me paired with anxiety, autism makes me unable to speak to people in real life, i don't know what to do or say in social interactions, my mind goes blank and i feel really stupid, can't even look the other person in the eyes. The only good thing about it is that i get some money.

 

[internetyamero]

i feel like that one image that's like "why couldn't i have gotten the type of autism that makes me extremely good at math and science?" constantly, because that is exactly how i feel about mine.

i'm extremely socially inept, and the only thing that prevents me from acting like a complete fool in front of other people is my anxiety and constant worry about how people might perceive me.

in hindsight, i don't know why it took so long for me to end up diagnosed. a lot of people say this as a joke, but bullies are way better at figuring out if someone has autism than any doctor ever could be.

it's a tiring and stressful experience, and if i could get rid of my worst symptoms i would do it in an instant. plus, the supposed "upsides" of high-functioning autism everyone talks about just ended up hurting me later on in life, because i couldn't keep up with those sorts of expectations that were put on me when i was a kid.

so, basically... if i could describe in only a few words how i feel about it, i would say that it seriously drags me down! and if society was better, i'd probably appreciate my unique traits way more.

 

[blood-orange]

I think it's the biggest source of my suffering and why i want to ctb. I have always felt like i'm alienated from most other people. I've struggled to regulate my emotions and socialise properly my whole life. The biggest problem for me is the emotional sensitivity. I feel like it's always singled me out and made me a target, perhaps more than the other stuff. Like when you're quiet and don't talk, people usually ignore you. But if you're screaming and crying about something that seems inconsequential to other people, that makes you a target pretty fast.
What's even worse is i wasn't even diagnosed until i was 25 (although people suspected it before then), so i just grew up thinking there was something inherently wrong with me, but never had the label for it or any support.
While there are positives to having an autistic brain such as pattern recognition, in my experience i suffer with too much executive dysfunction to actually make use of that talent.