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When I was a child and struggling with my self discovery? well, yeah, from how they behave it say that they regret to have me even if they don't communicate it directly
when I finally became an adult and learn to provide for myself, to save so I can live individually? Suddenly, they claim me
Oh absolutely. 90% of my suffering stems from surviving child abuse, parental alcoholism and extreme family dysfunction. My mom doesn't seem to be bothered in any way when she hurts me, I was used as a punching bag on daily basis. She's one of those unbearable "woe is me" people who make everything about themselves.
A few years ago she told me that she had me because (quote) "I just wanted someone to love me and take care of me". I asked her "okay cool, why did you abuse and neglect me, then. When I was a small child and a teen. Don't you think it's messed up". She rolled her eyes and said nothing.
Reactions:
NoPoint2Life, 8leveloquenfrn4evr8 and Forever Sleep
100% still would, the alure of personal meanings (over others), power, control and social images that they had when having children are too strong. I bet they probably think they can "fix" this second attempt if they knew how life turned out for all of us (which I high doubt they would succeed)
My parents don't really know about my day to day mental struggles. I've been thinking about ctb for quite some time now so I've figured it's best to keep that stuff under wraps so there's no suspicions of me trying anything. They do know I've had issues in the past with mental health, and my prior drug problems. They don't know about my self harm history or my more recent mental health struggles, so I'd have to say current day, yes they would probably choose to have me knowing how I have turned out up to this point, at least in their eyes. The other thing, my mom had a miscarriage a couple months before I was conceived, basically meaning if she hadn't miscarried I wouldn't be here. That's something I think about a lot and often get very depressed about. I wish she hadn't miscarried. I'm sure that kid would have turned out better, and I wouldn't be here worrying about how and when to ctb.
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