“If you really wanted to die, you would have done it by now”

[BeansOfRequirement]

"Come to my house in Minecraft, I'll show you something cool."

 

[Imthevillain]

This is a myth.

I recently watched a very interesting interview with a psychiatry professor who adressed this very question.

She said that most people who commit suicide think about it and plan it in their heads for a while before actually doing it.

Yes and also like I think I did cry for help for awhile. I tried. Well I guess ppl think I'm better now bc I stopped talking about it. Yet now I'm just silently planning it.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

I'm probably in the minority here. I've never had anyone say that to me. I get a ton of love and support, but unfortunately, none of that helps with incurable health issues. I wish I had no family and friends so it would be much easier to just fuck off and die

 

[Starryeyes]

Someone said this to me not that long ago. Followed up with ' someone who is actually going to kill them selves would just do it instead of telling people they are feeling like that'

 

[Seiba]

it's definitely aggravating to hear this comment from anyone especially from mental health professionals because it completely contradicts how they are supposed to deal with suicidal individuals, I actually had this said to me recently by a social worker in the hospital and ever since then i've lost the small amount of faith I had in the mental health system.

It's funny how they tell you to reach out before doing anything but if you reach before having taken action they tell you you're just looking for attention.

Yeah... a mental health "professional" should never say such a thing. Odd behavior for them to bother saying something that can be easily found on a basic "ten things to never say to a suicidal person" list that even normies can make. Then again, the vast majority of them don't get much training at all in suicide.

 

[demuic]

Yeah and after you ctb they will be the first ones to say that they never saw it coming or that you should have talked to someone. Suicide prevention basically boils down to stop talking about it and go bother someone else.

100% this. It's out of sight out of mind. Thats why they usher people off to call some useless hotlines that do nothing but call the cops on you.

Or if you do "talk to someone" like a so called mental health professional they'll say something like "how can I help you?" Or even worse, "what do you want me to do?"

Someone said this to me not that long ago. Followed up with ' someone who is actually going to kill them selves would just do it instead of telling people they are feeling like that'

I hate this so much. If they truly think that anyone who actually want to kill themselves is just going to quietly shuffle off and kill themselves anyway than what's the fucking point of suicide prevention?

It's like they know deep down it's all a load of bullshit.

It's all just geared toward the "temporary crisis" people that apparently just need to take some walks, meditate, and talk to their friends to stop feeling suicidal. If you're chronically suicidal or have unfixable permanent problems (disabilities, most mental or physical conditions, etc) or a problem that would require an actual concrete solution (poverty, abuse, etc), then suicide prevention gives no shits about you.

Their "help" basically boils down to "cope" or distract yourself (aka if I pretend a problem doesn't exist then surely it doesn't exist, right?)

 

[odradek]

I would tell them I have tried and it was unsuccessful. No one knows what it's like inside someone else's mind and body, so it's folly to make assumptions. It's also like saying "go kill yourself if you really want to" which is pretty cruel thing to say to someone who's opened up about their suicidal ideation.

Suicide is not like flipping a switch. I feel people who say things like this unironically have a very myopic world view. Lack of perspective, especially other's perspectives, is missing in a lot of people's calculus in this day and age.

 

[Chiisai]

I believe there's some truth to that statement. However, that is because there is the hesitation or what is referred to as SI. Others might not be able to see physical manifestations of the act because of hesitation but if one can read minds, they might be surprised that the act has happened a lot of times already and in different scenarios the mind can imagine.

 

[Cant go back]

I would tell them "I don't want to die, I just don't have any other choices. I'm hanging on for now in the hope that one comes up"

 

[Mixo]

Saw this yesterday on the r/misanthropy subreddit. Seems about right. (Sorry in advance to mods if I've broken a rule posting this image).

 

[NeverReallyHere]

I've had someone tell me this before and it really pissed me off.

How would you respond if someone told you this?

"If you really wanted not to be a total c**t, you'd have done it by now."

 

[plough22]

I've had someone tell me this before and it really pissed me off.

How would you respond if someone told you this?

I wouldn't respond, I haven't yet, doesn't mean I don't want to. I have it all in place until that moment nothing else matter, nothing in my mind but peace. It doesn't matter what others think even on this. It's your journey to peace, how long, short is not in question

 

[Death is beautiful]

I was also told so, this is a stupid expression, there are people on this forum who have been here for a long time and then CTB

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

Each conscious act has to be imagined before.

By the way, I would post my death time delayed: "When you read this I am already dead." When I failed I would erase the post before it is visible to others.

 

[Sherri]

So far I'm doing ok, but dont wanna live past 50. With all respect to users that age or more senior. I do t like the word old.

 

[FuneralCry]

If someone is saying something like that, then they should not be listened to. Suicide is very difficult and if it was easier I would already be gone. Even know many of us want to die, we are programmed to survive. In my case, there is also the fear of failure holding me back and a lack of peaceful/reliable way to exit. Just because I am still here doesn't mean I don't want to die.

 

[YourNeighbor]

The quote seems fair enough. Thing is, I don't want to die. But if/when my health goes into freefall, suicide will be a way to avoid an even worse natural death, if I have the guts to go through with it then. Few people who suicide "want to die."

 

[Dot]

I'm probably in the minority here. I've never had anyone say that to me. I get a ton of love and support, but unfortunately, none of that helps with incurable health issues. I wish I had no family and friends so it would be much easier to just fuck off and die

Cn rel8 2 tht. Hve substntl supprt systm bt issu = nt envrnmntl / envrnmntl fctrs wldnt chnge n.ethng.

 

[ARW3N]

Most people don't realise how daunting the act of suicide is in comparison to suicidal ideation or thinking.

This is a myth.

I recently watched a very interesting interview with a psychiatry professor who adressed this very question.

She said that most people who commit suicide think about it and plan it in their heads for a while before actually doing it.

Yes, there's a notable American suicidologist who has addressed this very issue in countless books and interviews. The act of suicide itself requires considerable courage to carry out. The suicidologist even goes so far as to say the person who successfully completes the act of suicide has gone through many trial runs beforehand in order to steel themselves for the act itself which is both daunting and difficult. This is the exact opposite of the belief of those involved in suicide prevention that suicide is an impulsive act done on the spur of the moment.

 

[theresonlyonewayout]

This would be my answer:

'Well I haven't and here I am, stupidly trusting you to talk to. How about you offer a little help rather than a whole lotta judginess?!'

 

[LADY007]

I wouldn't respond, I haven't yet, doesn't mean I don't want to. I have it all in place until that moment nothing else matter, nothing in my mind but peace. It doesn't matter what others think even on this. It's your journey to peace, how long, short is not in question

Totally right...Very personal....and this journey zig-zags.....not just step one, two, three, four. You work on the method for a while, then the courage and then the method...etc

 

[Merseymike]

It is another version of "people who talk about it don't do it". It is deliberately belittling and minimalises feelings because the people who say it can't cope with what they are hearing

 

[insipixiecat]

I found this on the Ash archives in the Ash FAQ, in response to almost the same statement. It's funny how over time pro-lifers continue to say the same trash over and over (this was last updated in 2000 I believe); you would expect them over time to think of something different to say haha. Thought some of you guys might like to have a read in case you haven't dug into the archives previously. (Note: I don't necessarily agree with all of what is written in both of the quotes.)

Spoiler: "You don't *really* want to die, otherwise you would have done so by now."

"You don't *really* want to die, otherwise you would have done so by now."

Obviously, some people really want to die since people do manage to commit suicide. This includes people who used to post to ash. [3] There is a stigma that people who commit suicide do it irrationally, spontaneously or without much thought. The conclusion would be that if people have suicidal thoughts then they would commit suicide within a short period of time.

In fact, many people give much thought to whether they should commit suicide as in the case of Dan Reinfurt [4]. This is only logical since the decision is perhaps the most difficult one ever has to make. However, there are additional factors which prolong this decision making process.

In any important life decision it is possible to consult books, people or experts to help one decide. Ironically, for the most difficult decision--to be or not to be--no assistance is possible.

Many complicating factors require significant time to think through in order to decide whether or not to commit suicide. But even if one has decided to exit, there is also a matter of choosing, planning, and carrying out a suicide method. Suicide is not easy (see below) and many people require much deliberation before deciding how to go about it.

Finally, there are people who are suicidal, yet still choose not to commit suicide, at least for the time being. Some are not able to eliminate their suicidal tendencies even though they have tried to do so. Others may feel that being suicidal is part of their true identity. In either case, they choose to accept that they are suicidal rather than fight it. They have the desire to die, yet they decide to live.

Suicidal ashers are in various stages of deliberation. By open discussion, ash encourages people to evaluate their situation carefully and rationally. Some are trying to make decisions about their lives, others just like to talk with like-minded people. This is what fuels the paradox of a crowded pro-choice-suicide group, and what keeps ashers around for many years.

In the above quote, the author references to "see below"; I'll paste that here as well because it is a response to a similar statement.

Spoiler: "It is easy to commit suicide."

"It is easy to commit suicide."

This claim is commonly used to support the argument above (i.e., if you wanted to die you would have done so by now).

On the surface, the availability of methods, such as jumping from a high place, supports the claim that suicide is easy. However, availability is not the only obstacle. Three stages are necessary to commit suicide. All of them introduce problems.

1. Getting the physical means of suicide: Many of the more reliable methods are difficult to obtain. For example, suitable drugs/poison in lethal quantities are only easily accessible by doctors, pharmacists, or chemists. Guns are readily available only in some areas.
2. Using the physical means appropriately: To apply a method quickly, painlessly, and with high probability to succeed, it is vital to know how to apply it correctly . Although a small number of authoritative books on methods are available, the information they contain is not completely reliable since no real tests can be performed for confirmation. For example, the toxicity of various substances is measured by administering them to laboratory animals, whose reactions may differ from those of humans. For most other methods there are no empirical data to confirm successful method usage. Although there is a lot of information on the net, it is of low credibility; at best it relies on the books already mentioned above.
3. Getting over the psychological barrier: Suicide is against our instincts. We are programmed to fear death, to survive. Overcoming this fear is not easy. It can be terribly hard to take the last step. To jump. To pull the trigger.

There are methods in which some of these stages are easy, but usually the other stages will be very difficult. For example, methods which are physically easy to execute usually require much more determination in order to carry them out (taking a bunch of pills is a lot easier than jumping from a high building), and thus the psychological barrier is more difficult to overcome.

Indeed, of the three stages the psychological barrier is the most significant. Many factors contributing to the psychological barrier are the consequence of problems with using the physical means appropriately (the second stage). The following are just some of these factors:

• Lack of assistance: There are many risks one has to face when committing suicide. In practically any risky task one would have some kind of assistance from a professional (e.g., a doctor or instructor), who would not only ensure that your physical gear is in order, but would help you carry out the task step by step and provide encouragement and support. Can you imagine going to a psychologist and asking for help to get over the fear of committing suicide? No assistance is possible when committing suicide, and that makes the task much harder.
• Agonizing death: The risk of having a slow and agonizing death is what many people fear most, since it is likely that the person committing the act would not be able to alleviate his/her own pains. Add to this the fact that suicide is usually done in solitude (so there are no other people who can help) and you can imagine how one would continue to helplessly suffer until death.
• Survival: There are no 100% guaranteed methods. A failed attempt may occur due to poor execution of the chosen method, or even due to being "saved" by a friend. If the attempt caused injury, one might not be physically capable of carrying out another attempt, and thus would be forced to live in a situation much worse than before, truly deprived of any escape. This can be compounded by having to face family and friends, who might treat you differently (or even cut their connections with you). To top it off one might be forced to undergo psychiatric treatment. In light of the physical and emotional pain which might be caused, the risk of survival could be paralyzing.

There are other factors which contribute to the psychological barrier:

• Lack of role models: A role model is someone who does things you admire, who you look up to, or who you want to be like. There are very few role models for suicide. Just the fact that you see other people do it makes it a lot easier to do it yourself. Having a role model has a significant impact on the ability to commit suicide. There is evidence that suicide reports in media cause an increase in suicide using the same method.[5] In an effort to prevent suicides by diminishing the effect of possible role models, Centers for Disease Control in the USA have developed guidelines for mass-media coverage and for counseling of close friends of those who have attempted or committed suicide.[6] The concern of mental health practitioners of what they refer to as "imitation" or "contagion" indicates that the lack of role models makes suicide more difficult to carry out.
• Norms of society: Yet another factor is connected to societal norms. It is much more difficult to do something that society disagrees with. This is probably when courage is really tested to the limit. All our lives we are taught to conform. Some people might find it difficult to "rebel" in any manner, however irrational their submission to society might be.
• Indecision: Obviously, before one takes steps to exit, they must make a decision that they indeed want to commit suicide. Some factors, which are similar to those contributing to the psychological barrier, also affect this decision process. Even after a decision to exit has been made, the lack of assistance in making the decision, lack of role models, and the norms of society would raise doubts in any rational human being. It requires great determination to follow such a decision given its overwhelming significance on one hand, and the limiting constraints under which it was made on the other.

These factors explain some of the difficulties facing one who wants to commit suicide, however, their effect varies for different people. It may be difficult for some and not for others.