if you made it this far, congratulations

[nembutal]

i can't do it on my own. i really can't. i don't know what to do or where to turn, whether i should check myself into a facility or not or what. i just want one fucking guardian angel, to some people that is their family, their friends, their partner. i have absolutely no one who cares for my wellbeing and if it weren't for the energy i put in everyday i would be rotting under the covers of my bed. no one gives me any credit for making it this far when my head constantly tells me to OFF. MY. SELF. i wish everyone who crossed paths with me understood the absolute, indescribable torture that swells in your ribcage when your survival instinct and the dark wolf in you telling you to pursue destruction clash and gnaw at one another. i am so tired and i want to give up every day, i want to do nothing but write in my note and blame everyone around me, but i tread onwards despite the weight of my deplorable mind. i want nothing but to claw myself inside out in front of the people who have hurt me the most yet i FUCKING CONTINUE. WHERE IS MY PRAISE. WHERE IS MY CONGRATULATIONS. no where, because in no one's mind is getting through the day with all of your limbs intact, your veins clear of harmful substances, your arms free of new wounds, an accomplishment

 

[KillingPain267]

Thank you. Every day feels like I'm in a war battle in the trenches.



I have a thousand yard stare already

 

[nembutal]

Thank you. Every day feels like I'm in a war battle in the trenches.

View attachment 144409

I have a thousand yard stare already

and it's insane that our efforts aren't recognized. the illnesses in our heads are adjacent to what was experienced during the great plagues in terms of suffering, yet i feel we are treated as weaklings and fodder for those blessed with mental clarity and sanity. FUCK idk i hate using big words i can just tell that no one gives a fuck whether i am alive or not

 

[KillingPain267]

and it's insane that our efforts aren't recognized. the illnesses in our heads are adjacent to what was experienced during the great plagues in terms of suffering, yet i feel we are treated as weaklings and fodder for those blessed with mental clarity and sanity. FUCK idk i hate using big words i can just tell that no one gives a fuck whether i am alive or not

True! In my suicide note I intend to leave a passage about the right to euthanasia for those who suffer. Hopefully it will be heard!