If you became suicidal when you entered puberty you will never recover

[TheGoodGuy]

I made a poll on this forum a long time ago and most of the members got depression and/or became suicidal in their early teens some even in childhood which surprised me and I think it is safe to say that if you became suicidal in your early teens you will never recover; whenever I hear about a person recovering from "depression" or being suicidal it´s typically adults (20+) who have just experiencing depression for some months or maybe even longer but for them it´s due to life changes for the rest it was predetermined by hormonal changes caused by puberty usually in our early teen years.

Most members here have had a good or at least decent childhood mine was paradise on Earth I feel I might have had the best childhood in the world but enough about me the point is most of us were happy living life to its fullest in our childhood it was only with all the hormonal changes puberty caused we became depressed and suicidal I mean think back at your childhood and think how happy you were for so many years and all of a sudden life started to get darker and it´s not a coincidence, my puberty started at 12 but at the end of 13 I started to become depressed and suicidal and all because of the hormonal changes to the mind by puberty because for those past 11-13 years life was amazing.

 

[Lefty]

I think you make some good points here. I don't remember feeling depressed or having suicidal thoughts until I hit puberty. I also think it has to do with hormone changes as well. Although I think recovery may be possible if you were feeling depressed/suicidal throughout puberty, but its probably rare and there are other factors that could be attributed. Though it is probably rare to recover, since hormones are such complicated things.

 

[Indieblue]

Even after 19 years the same thought still lingers in my thought.

 

[Meretlein]

A poll on this forum is kind of skewed.

I do agree that as years of struggle increase, your chances of recovery go down.

 

[Maravillosa]

That makes sense. I was depressed during puberty (my menarche happened when I was 10 years old) and became suicidal at 16. My suicidal ideation has sometimes been submerged, but I don't think it ever completely went away for me. I doubt it ever will. And frankly, I don't want it to go away. In a strange way, the thought of suicide gives me comfort. If things ever get too bad for me, then ctb is there to take me away from any unbearable adversity. Entertaining suicidal ideation makes adversity more bearable, at least in the short run.

Does that make sense to you?

 

[BPD Barbie]

The longer you are depressed the harder the hole is to crawl out of. For many people, myself included, depression and suicide felt safe and secure and comforting. Feeling happy initially was very weird and surreal. So do I think being depressed as a teenager or child impacts you? Yeah, you're more impressionable at that age also and you will pick up habits easier.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

A poll on this forum is kind of skewed.

I do agree that as years of struggle increase, your chances of recovery go down.

That poll was just an example people outside of this forum is the same, most people in general got depressed and suicidal in their early teen years they still have depression and/or is suicidal even in their twenties.

In a strange way, the thought of suicide gives me comfort. If things ever get too bad for me, then ctb is there

This is exactly how I thought in my teens that "if life gets too bad I can also kill myself" and it was very comforting of course now as an adult with no drive through teenage hormones and depression that used to make me feel so sad and depressed it is easier said than done I regret so much I didn´t kill myself at the age of 18-19 like I planned because back then I still had depression and the drive of my teenage hormones now I have been experiencing apathy and anhedonia for almost 6 years there is no drive to do it because I don´t feel any emotions I don´t feel happy, sad, or even excitement I am just an empty shell of the person I once was.

 

[enjoy]

i worry about this. i first started feeling depressed when i was 12 and i've suffered from anxiety since i was 6. i've also had insomnia since i was a toddler. i feel like i might have a chance of overcoming at least one of these mental ailments solely because i never really got help for any of them until recently. i've kind of let them run rampant and not cared until now (18). i also feel like one's drive to overcome mental illness comes into play. some people are completely apathetic towards living after suffering for too long, while others have their hearts set on overcoming mental illness ("if you set your mind on something, you'll do it" mentality).

i'm really determined to get rid of my depression at the very least. i feel like my anxiety won't go away as easily (it'll probably take medication, as i've tried cbt/dbt/etc. for it before) and my insomnia will stay the way it is (mostly because i'm young and i don't like missing out on things by sleeping).

i first really wanted to die at 16. i hit puberty at 12. it didn't happen as i entered puberty, so i feel like i might have a better shot since it's only been a little over two years. i've only been self-harming for a few years (i used to scratch my face as a kid but it was purely out of anger).

i don't personally think it's this black and white. everyone has their own personal experiences and circumstances that led them to the point of mental illness.

 

[TAW122]

I'd say I had a passive thought of suicide right around puberty, but it is usually due to my environment (the bullies, shitty home life, and such rather than simply biological).

@Meretlein I suppose since I have been suicidal (alternating between passive and active) ever since 17-18, I suppose this means my chances of recovery would be slim. I don't plan on recovery as I've made up my mind that my life isn't worth living. As for people out there who are attempting recovery, perhaps it would be a longer, more challenging road for them?

 

[Cave Johnson]

That poll was just an example people outside of this forum is the same, most people in general got depressed and suicidal in their early teen years they still have depression and/or is suicidal even in their twenties.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to need some sort of data to support this kind of claim.
That said, I fit the model you propose here. Puberty started at ~9-10 for me and while I was depressed starting at around 11-12 I didn't know what it was called until I was 14. I don't have very many memories prior to puberty, and those I do have are really just snapshots of fairly random events, couldn't give any real insight to if I was depressed then or not.

 

[Pallf]

Yeah I lost a lot of family members in 7th grade. One by one we'd get a call stating that so and so passed away. Really took a toll on my psyche. I would just lay awake thinking about death, like a drum beat.
Started showering once a week in high school. I saw nothing wrong with it.
I really want to not feel this way all the time, but I'm worried that I'll be this way forever.
I envy people with normal brains.

 

[Apathy79]

As others have mentioned, I suspect on this forum you get an enormous contingent from the group that haven't recovered and almost none of those that have, which will skew these numbers. The number of people that have suicidal thoughts in their teens is significant. The number that end up ctbing is comparatively miniscule. Puberty is a time of rapid changes. Most 30+yos can't even remotely relate to their 15yo selves. Here at SS, you see the unfortunate minority that couldn't escape.

 

[Largeletters]

I get this completely... I was heavily depressed and suicidal for about 4 years fairly consistently. It stopped for roughly a year, then came back in full force. But even while I wasn't depressed and suicidal, the thoughts still came in sometimes.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

As for people out there who are attempting recovery, perhaps it would be a longer, more challenging road for them?

I just don´t see the point like I have tried to overcome all this shit we spend decades trying to just be content with life that is the end goal because if we have been depressed and suicidal since our early teens then I find it impossibly to become happy, happiness is for childhood the best we can hope for if we recovered is to feel content with "life" so let´s say we reach this place of content at the age of 30-35 then we have wasted our entire life just to try and improve ourselves imo suicide is better. Like I said I have been suicidal since I was around 13 and I will turn 26 in a couple month I have literally suffered half my life for 13 fucking years.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to need some sort of data to support this kind of claim.
That said, I fit the model you propose here. Puberty started at ~9-10 for me and while I was depressed starting at around 11-12 I didn't know what it was called until I was 14. I don't have very many memories prior to puberty, and those I do have are really just snapshots of fairly random events, couldn't give any real insight to if I was depressed then or not.

I was considering trying to find the post but I don´t want to spend hours searching for it, if you need the data be my guest and search through my threads I just don´t feel like doing it.

I envy people with normal brains.

So do I or normal functioning bodies in general since I also suffer from a ton of physical problems.

As others have mentioned, I suspect on this forum you get an enormous contingent from the group that haven't recovered and almost none of those that have, which will skew these numbers. The number of people that have suicidal thoughts in their teens is significant. The number that end up ctbing is comparatively miniscule. Puberty is a time of rapid changes. Most 30+yos can't even remotely relate to their 15yo selves. Here at SS, you see the unfortunate minority that couldn't escape.

Although what you say is true it doesn´t change the fact that the majority of people who are depressed and suicidal has been since puberty at least in my experience, every time I have met a person suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts it always started in their teens mostly in their early teen years.

 

[Cave Johnson]

I was considering trying to find the post but I don´t want to spend hours searching for it, if you need the data be my guest and search through my threads I just don´t feel like doing it.

That's not what I'm talking about. As multiple people here have noted, any sampling done on this site is going to be extremely biased and cannot be used to support the argument that being depressed around puberty is indicative a perpetuity of the condition. Without sample general populations this data doesn't mean much.

 

[BlueWidow]

A poll on this forum is kind of skewed.

I do agree that as years of struggle increase, your chances of recovery go down.

I agree with this completely. I had a fairly difficult childhood and struggled throughout my teen years to recover. The more I tried to recover and the more difficult it became to do so, the more I decided it was easier to give up. After a while you just get tired of hitting your head against a brick wall. I got tired of being alive by the time I was 12. I struggled from the age of 13 on trying to get help and trying to improve my life and feel better, but nothing ever worked. I went on all kinds of meds, sought out various types of therapy. And nothing really made any long lasting changes for me. The only thing that remotely helped me at all was my husband and that was because he was willing to do things to help accommodate me in ways that made my life bearable and made it possible for me to function as normally as I could. Even when he was alive though, I was still passively suicidal. Once he passed away, and I no longer had anyone trying to help accommodate me or make my life bearable, I became actively suicidal again. And I'm not saying anyone should accommodate me. I'm just saying that if they don't make things work in such a way that I can do them, then it's better that I'm not here because I can't function in the world the way it is. I don't know if that makes sense or not.

 

[stevieu]

I just don´t see the point like I have tried to overcome all this shit we spend decades trying to just be content with life that is the end goal because if we have been depressed and suicidal since our early teens then I find it impossibly to become happy, happiness is for childhood the best we can hope for if we recovered is to feel content with "life" so let´s say we reach this place of content at the age of 30-35 then we have wasted our entire life just to try and improve ourselves imo suicide is better. Like I said I have been suicidal since I was around 13 and I will turn 26 in a couple month I have literally suffered half my life for 13 fucking years.


I was considering trying to find the post but I don´t want to spend hours searching for it, if you need the data be my guest and search through my threads I just don´t feel like doing it.

So do I or normal functioning bodies in general since I also suffer from a ton of physical problems.

Although what you say is true it doesn´t change the fact that the majority of people who are depressed and suicidal has been since puberty at least in my experience, every time I have met a person suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts it always started in their teens mostly in their early teen years.

I can relate there. I had a great childhood (from what I can remember). Things changed when I was 16 though, in so many ways. Hormones, and experiences...

I took an overdose of various painkillers when I was 18 and spent a few days in hospital, I was asked a few questions and was eventually sent on my way with my prescribed anti-depressants.

The often silent struggle with depression and my thoughts has been there for the last 20 years though.

Damn brain!

 

[Apathy79]

Although what you say is true it doesn´t change the fact that the majority of people who are depressed and suicidal has been since puberty at least in my experience, every time I have met a person suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts it always started in their teens mostly in their early teen years.

I don't doubt this. And the reasons for it would be worth delving into. Because I suspect suicidal thoughts among young teenagers are extremely common. So common in fact, that most parents and even doctors tend to dismiss them as attention seeking, given how few ultimately carry it out. And in many cases, they're probably half right, although I think there's a bit more nuance to it in most cases. We get a very unique perspective here, it's hard to extrapolate it to wider society too much. I think SS largely represents the exceptions even among those with suicidal thoughts rather than the rule.

 

[ctbUniquectb]

I'm too lazy to look for it, but the ECT people don't administer it to very long term depression patients for this exact reason.

 

[Meretlein]

That poll was just an example people outside of this forum is the same, most people in general got depressed and suicidal in their early teen years they still have depression and/or is suicidal even in their twenties.


This is exactly how I thought in my teens that "if life gets too bad I can also kill myself" and it was very comforting of course now as an adult with no drive through teenage hormones and depression that used to make me feel so sad and depressed it is easier said than done I regret so much I didn´t kill myself at the age of 18-19 like I planned because back then I still had depression and the drive of my teenage hormones now I have been experiencing apathy and anhedonia for almost 6 years there is no drive to do it because I don´t feel any emotions I don´t feel happy, sad, or even excitement I am just an empty shell of the person I once was.

You're probably right that becoming mentally ill before you're an adult means it may always be something to deal with. It doesn't mean you won't recover enough to live a happy life.

 

[ready 2 go]

I became severly depressed and suicidal at the age of 12 and never recovered, even after multiple suicide attempts + hospitalizations. Years later life is no better, even worse actually and I'm ready to leave

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

I became suicidal in puberty because that's when your brain has developed enough to see your life, the world and existence in general for what they truly are.
Hormones can't be blamed for suicidal ideation, they can and probably do in a lot but that's not the root cause, society is.

 

[stevieu]

Modern society sure feels

I became suicidal in puberty because that's when your brain has developed enough to see your life, the world and existence in general for what they truly are.
Hormones can't be blamed for suicidal ideation, they can and probably do in a lot but that's not the root cause, society is.

Modern society sure feels like a prison. Everything is seen as simply black and white. The 'pro-lifers'' want to keep us alive because it makes them look good and it means they don't have to think deeply, that's about it - they don't understand or really care. There are some of us who just think beyond those boundaries and we don't quite 'fit'. That's how I feel anyway.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Moreover, hormones make us do stupid things, be impulsive or aggressive with others, be shallow, skip school, hook up with the wrong person who ends up destroying us etc.

I was quite shocked to see in the thread about "when did problems start?" so so many twenty-something-year-olds. I mean seriously I'm not a pro-lifer in any way, shape, or form, but why do we see cohorts of young Millennials or gen Z who want to ctb? I'm baffled because I have been severely depressed, abused etc. since I can remember, and I had my big first attempt at age 12. But I still went through the steps (education, work, potential partner), until I completely reached the point of "im outta gas in the tank. Like forever."

What is driving the 20-year-olds from our forum to wanna ctb?

 

[stevieu]

Moreover, hormones make us do stupid things, be impulsive or aggressive with others, be shallow, skip school, hook up with the wrong person who ends up destroying us etc.

I was quite shocked to see in the thread about "when did problems start?" so so many twenty-something-year-olds. I mean seriously I'm not a pro-lifer in any way, shape, or form, but why do we see cohorts of young Millennials or gen Z who want to ctb? I'm baffled because I have been severely depressed, abused etc. since I can remember, and I had my big first attempt at age 12. But I still went through the steps (education, work, potential partner), until I completely reached the point of "im outta gas in the tank. Like forever."

What is driving the 20-year-olds from our forum to wanna ctb?

Modern society's expectations and limitations, I'm guessing? I'm 36 and the tripe that is pumped out these days makes think 'what is the point in all of this?' Trillions spent on war, death, and misery. Economic short-term growth is more important than our lives and knowledge of the Universe we're floating in...and it goes on. Not to mention my own personal problems haha. But 37, or 27, the same applies to the brain I'm stuck with.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Modern society's expectations and limitations, I'm guessing? I'm 36 and the tripe that is pumped out these days makes think 'what is the point in all of this?' Trillions spent on war, death, and misery. Economic short-term growth is more important than our lives and knowledge of the Universe we're floating in...and it goes on. Not to mention my own personal problems haha. But 37, or 27, the same applies to the brain I'm stuck with.

Yeah but they don't know yet how things at 37 will be like ). So I'm curious about our young ones :).

Not to sound condescending but my imagery of the suicidal person was that of someone who is lonely, maybe without family, isolated, probably older. Somebody who's seen it all and doesn't want to see more.

 

[bpdandme]

Moreover, hormones make us do stupid things, be impulsive or aggressive with others, be shallow, skip school, hook up with the wrong person who ends up destroying us etc.

I was quite shocked to see in the thread about "when did problems start?" so so many twenty-something-year-olds. I mean seriously I'm not a pro-lifer in any way, shape, or form, but why do we see cohorts of young Millennials or gen Z who want to ctb? I'm baffled because I have been severely depressed, abused etc. since I can remember, and I had my big first attempt at age 12. But I still went through the steps (education, work, potential partner), until I completely reached the point of "im outta gas in the tank. Like forever."

What is driving the 20-year-olds from our forum to wanna ctb?

I would guess social media and the fact we don't have these "steps" anymore which can give a direction/purpose? Most people can't afford a house, it's so hard to get a job even with a degree, people cheating from social media, people constantly flexing on social media so people spend money they don't have just to flex, everyone is comparing themselves and people relying so much on instant gratification that is so accessible now e.g. porn, online shopping, online gambling etc. Also constant news, 24/7 information about how shit the world is and humanity is and how we've ruined the Earth. Even if I didn't have trauma, I think I would be depressed from this society.

I'm 23 and have finished education and now have a job.I have got to the point of I'm out of gas already.

 

[stevieu]

Yeah but they don't know yet how things at 37 will be like ). So I'm curious about our young ones :).

Not to sound condescending but my imagery of the suicidal person was that of someone who is lonely, maybe without family, isolated, probably older. Somebody who's seen it all and doesn't want to see more.

I've had suicidal thoughts since my mid-teens, so who knows. Personal reasons, brain chemistry, genetics... There are so many possibilities. But I do think the strain of modern society just doesn't 'fit' with a lot of humans. It is destroying humanity and our long-term goals as a species. I've had a few beers, so I'm probably just rambling!

 

[bpdandme]

Yeah but they don't know yet how things at 37 will be like ). So I'm curious about our young ones :).

Not to sound condescending but my imagery of the suicidal person was that of someone who is lonely, maybe without family, isolated, probably older. Somebody who's seen it all and doesn't want to see more.

It's so dangerous to assume their is an "image" or "look" for mental health, this view point can be so damaging. Anyone is susceptible to mental illness and it does not discriminate.

I am 23, conventionally attractive, degree educated and have a job but I'm suicidal and have attempted multiple times. I get dismissed by doctors constantly cause I don't "look" depressed, I haven't been given the help I need. Just because of these external factors it doesn't change the fact I have BPD, anxiety and depression which make me want to die every day since I was 10. Anyone is capable of killing themselves and that mindset causes so much ignorance on the topic.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

It's so dangerous to assume their is an "image" or "look" for mental health, this view point can be so damaging. Anyone is susceptible to mental illness and it does not discriminate.

I am 23, conventionally attractive, degree educated and have a job but I'm suicidal and have attempted multiple times. I get dismissed by doctors constantly cause I don't "look" depressed, I haven't been given the help I need. Just because of these external factors it doesn't change the fact I have BPD, anxiety and depression which make me want to die every day since I was 10. Anyone is capable of killing themselves and that mindset causes so much ignorance on the topic.

I profusely and immensely apologize, it was not my intention to offend anyone, it was more to (probably) show my skewed perception about different rates for different age categories, since subjectively I have seen many young people expressing discontent with life or desire to ctb.

Please do not think of me as a shallow, ignorant person, if you read my threads you will see that I had had many unsuccessful attempts. My first attempt was at 12, I didn't want to mention it as it was around puberty, thus confirming the title.

Somehow I disassociated suicide from mental health - big mistake, I apologize sincerely. I myself have MDD, panic disorder, and PTSD...

I am very sorry if my post upset you, I hope you will find it in your heart to accept my apologies.