antarctica
snake eating tail
- Feb 11, 2022
- 13
how important is your relationship to your recovery/decision to keep living or not?
for me i think that two things can be true at the same time, that my girlfriend makes me want to live, and that i still feel suicidal at worst, indifferent to life at best
killing myself would destroy her and maybe even cause her to take her own life, and she is the most wonderful and selfless person. she's going to med school, so i end up thinking in a butterfly effect way that if i die ill ruin her life, stop her from finally becoming a doctor, and stop her from saving other peoples lives
i have no idea why she loves me either. i wish i could just be normal and strong enough because i should be happy. even when i am happy i still keep thinking about suicide. it feels confusing lol
for me i think that two things can be true at the same time, that my girlfriend makes me want to live, and that i still feel suicidal at worst, indifferent to life at best
killing myself would destroy her and maybe even cause her to take her own life, and she is the most wonderful and selfless person. she's going to med school, so i end up thinking in a butterfly effect way that if i die ill ruin her life, stop her from finally becoming a doctor, and stop her from saving other peoples lives
i have no idea why she loves me either. i wish i could just be normal and strong enough because i should be happy. even when i am happy i still keep thinking about suicide. it feels confusing lol
