if I never tried, am I really depressed and suicidal??

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I dropped out years ago. Now it's gonna take time and money to prepare for exams and to go a university path again. I don't have a particular talent or skill, so without proper education there's only shitty jobs in perspective for me. Right after dropping out I tried to find a job for people with no experience, but all in vain. Now I live off my mother, don't wanna do anything, because I'm too old to start, too ugly, too selfish, and what life has proved too dumb. I grew up in a healthy and happy family. No abusing at school or anywhere else. No PTSD. My dad's sudden death hurt like hell, but apart from that, If I have one of these low-paid jobs, I'd be living like millions of people out there. But I don't wanna do anything. Even for my mom.
I laugh from time to time, can enjoy good meal or enjoy playing with cats. I take showers. I'm not sick or in chronic pain. I even workout at home sometimes. But I don't go outside anymore, and feel extremely anxious when I have to. I see a therapist, but that's my mom's money out of the window again, though she thinks therapy will make me "snap out of it". I don't wanna live my life with that face and that body, with my age and my brains.
I never tried to kill myself, because I'm scared of the process itself, death and possible pain; afraid of ending up a vegetable.But still I wonder do I really wanna die??? I know I really don't wanna live. I think if I had money for assisted suicide I'd do it, but I don't know how to do it all by myself. I'm thinking of buying a nitrogen balloon (if they sell me one) and an oxygen mask... is it a proven way to go?

p.s. I know I'm whiny.

 

[Sarahlynn]

I can't really comment on your method.

For your headline question: according to my therapists, no. When ever i do a suicide screening, they always ask if I have tried, and when I say no, they are like "oh well, but all is good then". Like you, I am terrified of failing. And it kinda pisses me of that if I had done the "stupid attention seeking teenager way" of downing a pack of paracetamol while posting it for all of Facebook to see, I might actually have gotten help, but without that I am not sick enough. I am not going to risk my health to get help.

Have you tried another therapist? The relationship between the patient and the therapist is very important, and if you are not a good match with your current one, I suggest you try a change. There are aspects of your life you enjoy, so I really think you should give living a serious chance before you surrender.

Is there some kind of governement aid you could apply for in terms of returning to school or finding a job? If you could choose, what would you like to do for a living? It's very easy to think "nothing", but really think. I see you care for animals, maybe you could try volunteering for a animalshelter? It would get you out and back into society, give you confidence, give you a reference you can use when applying for jobs, and most importantly, give you a purpose.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I don't think you're being whiny, your problems are causing grief and that grief is real. Actually I'm in a very similar situation, living with parents, university dropout, unemployed, feeling too old and utterly inadequate.

For me, I'm certain beyond any doubt that I want this experience to end. The chances that my life improves to a point that it becomes worth living are slim, and even if that happens, I regret to say that I've already suffered too long waiting for such a moment.

I want to be dead, which is to say I want THIS EXPERIENCE to end, because for too long it has been, and it continues to be, hellish. Like you, what's holding me back is the pain of the dying process.

In terms of N2 asphyxiation, I'm no expert, but I read it's a very peaceful way to go. There are technicalities which if not accounted for properly, may lead to failure. Such as, needing enough volume of the gas, and gas flow rate. I don't know all there is to know about it, and personally I would love to use this method due to its peacefulness but there are too many barriers in my way.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I can't really comment on your method.

For your headline question: according to my therapists, no. When ever i do a suicide screening, they always ask if I have tried, and when I say no, they are like "oh well, but all is good then". Like you, I am terrified of failing. And it kinda pisses me of that if I had done the "stupid attention seeking teenager way" of downing a pack of paracetamol while posting it for all of Facebook to see, I might actually have gotten help, but without that I am not sick enough. I am not going to risk my health to get help.

Have you tried another therapist? The relationship between the patient and the therapist is very important, and if you are not a good match with your current one, I suggest you try a change. There are aspects of your life you enjoy, so I really think you should give living a serious chance before you surrender.

Is there some kind of governement aid you could apply for in terms of returning to school or finding a job? If you could choose, what would you like to do for a living? It's very easy to think "nothing", but really think. I see you care for animals, maybe you could try volunteering for a animalshelter? It would get you out and back into society, give you confidence, give you a reference you can use when applying for jobs, and most importantly, give you a purpose.

I'm sorry your therapists say so, it's definitely not fair and rather odd. Are you limited in methods too? I'm not from the States, I think I'm very limited.
But tbh I don't think I'm sick or anything. My reasons for not wanting to live is valid: it's not like voices tell me so.
I had to stop seeing my therapist cuz my mom pays for it, and I know no therapy can help me, I just gave it a try, cuz my mother wanted me to and therapist was the only person I could talk to about hating life and stuff. But I don't want my mom to pay for just talking.
The amount of enjoyment I experience is minimal. There's no aid for me to go to school again. Plus, I think I'm too old for that. I could find a shitty job, I just don't want it: for me it's either my way of life or the highway. My way is never gonna happen. Btw I'm not very good with people.
I don't think my mother would appreciate me volunteering instead of getting a job.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I don't think you're being whiny, your problems are causing grief and that grief is real. Actually I'm in a very similar situation, living with parents, university dropout, unemployed, feeling too old and utterly inadequate.

For me, I'm certain beyond any doubt that I want this experience to end. The chances that my life improves to a point that it becomes worth living are slim, and even if that happens, I regret to say that I've already suffered too long waiting for such a moment.

I want to be dead, which is to say I want THIS EXPERIENCE to end, because for too long it has been, and it continues to be, hellish. Like you, what's holding me back is the pain of the dying process.

In terms of N2 asphyxiation, I'm no expert, but I read it's a very peaceful way to go. There are technicalities which if not accounted for properly, may lead to failure. Such as, needing enough volume of the gas, and gas flow rate. I don't know all there is to know about it, and personally I would love to use this method due to its peacefulness but there are too many barriers in my way.

With me I'm also an ugly female, so that's a bonus)). I'm over 30. If you're not close to that number, there's still hope.

I guess we all here are 1000% certain of our will not to live.

I'm only recently thought of such thing as volume. I was sure that 10L would be enough. Now I think it should be 40 or something, just to be sure. What is your problem in obtaining gas if you don't mind me asking? I myself am not sure I wouldn't have problems with buying it: I haven't called any store yet.
Have you considered partners?

 

[rt1989526]

I've been depressed for probably 15-16 years (31 now). It's possible to be depressed and not be suicidal. I've never attempted to CTB and an pretty scared but I can't go on any longer. You are not alone in that regard.

 

[Superdeterminist]

With me I'm also an ugly female, so that's a bonus)). I'm over 30. If you're not close to that number, there's still hope.

I guess we all here are 1000% certain of our will not to live.

I'm only recently thought of such thing as volume. I was sure that 10L would be enough. Now I think it should be 40 or something, just to be sure. What is your problem in obtaining gas if you don't mind me asking? I myself am not sure I wouldn't have problems with buying it: I haven't called any store yet.
Have you considered partners?

I would say the more gas you can get the better, as you can't have too much but you can have too little.

For me the barriers (I can currently think of) are:

-finding a nitrogen source with a high enough purity (I don't know where I would get it) also I don't know the minimum purity required for a peaceful ctb, I would guess around 97% but that would just be a blind guess.
-sneaking the canister/tubing past my extremely neurotic, vigilant, and pro-life mother whom I live with. If caught there's no question she would have me sectioned.
-setting up the equipment properly (I could maybe learn this but it seems complicated and I worry about setting it up improperly).
-hiding the equipment from my mother who makes sure to check on me often. my room is small and there really isn't a good hiding place, under my bed would probably be the best bet but it's risky.

I have strongly considered a ctb partner but I'm very scared of being tricked by a predatory person, or surviving and being charged with a crime in association with their death.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I would say the more gas you can get the better, as you can't have too much but you can have too little.

For me the barriers (I can currently think of) are:

-finding a nitrogen source with a high enough purity (I don't know where I would get it) also I don't know the minimum purity required for a peaceful ctb, I would guess around 97% but that would just be a blind guess.
-sneaking the canister/tubing past my extremely neurotic, vigilant, and pro-life mother whom I live with. If caught there's no question she would have me sectioned.
-setting up the equipment properly (I could maybe learn this but it seems complicated and I worry about setting it up improperly).
-hiding the equipment from my mother who makes sure to check on me often. my room is small and there really isn't a good hiding place, under my bed would probably be the best bet but it's risky.

I have strongly considered a ctb partner but I'm very scared of being tricked by a predatory person, or surviving and being charged with a crime in association with their death.

Can I just say how nice it is to discuss this kind of stuff (methods, etc.) without hearing: "you need to get help, don't do it, everything's gonna be alright"

In this case 2 much is definitely better than 2 little.
Geez, I didn't even think of the case of purity. I've read somewhere (I think Phil Nitschke talked about it), that the reason to switch from helium to nitrogen is because they started to use only about 80% of helium in those tanks.i guess when I call the store I should ask them about it.
In your case with mom checking your room it is difficult to hide. I live in a apartment. Mother works, and we have deliveries pretty often, so that wouldn't be an issue for me. But if your mom is on such high alert does it mean she knows about your willing to ctb?
I'm assuming you're not from the USA, cuz I think they don't have much problems with ctb over there.

first time I saw partners megathread Igot really excited. Just before I've read about downside of it. So I guess it's not an option.
what are planning to do then?
I wonder how kids, even under 10, ctb??
I mean it's incredible. They hung themselves for crying out loud!!!

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I've been depressed for probably 15-16 years (31 now). It's possible to be depressed and not be suicidal. I've never attempted to CTB and an pretty scared but I can't go on any longer. You are not alone in that regard.

but are you constantly thinking about dying or something?

 

[rt1989526]

but are you constantly thinking about dying or something?

I am now yes

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I am now yes

Does it mean something happened to trigger it?

 

[Sarahlynn]

I'm sorry your therapists say so, it's definitely not fair and rather odd. Are you limited in methods too? I'm not from the States, I think I'm very limited.
But tbh I don't think I'm sick or anything. My reasons for not wanting to live is valid: it's not like voices tell me so.
I had to stop seeing my therapist cuz my mom pays for it, and I know no therapy can help me, I just gave it a try, cuz my mother wanted me to and therapist was the only person I could talk to about hating life and stuff. But I don't want my mom to pay for just talking.
The amount of enjoyment I experience is minimal. There's no aid for me to go to school again. Plus, I think I'm too old for that. I could find a shitty job, I just don't want it: for me it's either my way of life or the highway. My way is never gonna happen. Btw I'm not very good with people.
I don't think my mother would appreciate me volunteering instead of getting a job.

It's actually all the therapists I have had 8 think. They have this form of points I have to tick of to evaluate suicidality, and apparently "previous attempts" is a huge one. For a long time I also lied about having done preparations, as I thought it would cause them to lock me up. But my country has very stricts laws about this, and can't really look me up until I am an immideate dager to myself. And as I want to die, I will never admit to that, that would be me ruining my chance.

I would say that I have methods, but they all scare me as I don't have enough confidence they are guaranteed death. I have access to sodium azide. I have a plastic bag filled with leftovers of all the meds I have been on over the years. I have (some) meto and benzo to ease the process. My country doesen't have much very tall buildings, but plenty of mountains. And winter, last stages of freezing sounds really peaceful. I guess I could score heroin on the street, we have some visible drug scenes in the main cities. So i consider myself lucky on that part, I know it could be way worse.

I graduated uni when I was 30, and I had many people older than me in my class! If you really want to, you are never too old to study. At my uni, we even had retired (70 year olds!) people taking classes for fun!

What would you consider "your way"?

And I am not good with people either, as I am autistic. It sucks.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

It's actually all the therapists I have had 8 think. They have this form of points I have to tick of to evaluate suicidality, and apparently "previous attempts" is a huge one. For a long time I also lied about having done preparations, as I thought it would cause them to lock me up. But my country has very stricts laws about this, and can't really look me up until I am an immideate dager to myself. And as I want to die, I will never admit to that, that would be me ruining my chance.

I would say that I have methods, but they all scare me as I don't have enough confidence they are guaranteed death. I have access to sodium azide. I have a plastic bag filled with leftovers of all the meds I have been on over the years. I have (some) meto and benzo to ease the process. My country doesen't have much very tall buildings, but plenty of mountains. And winter, last stages of freezing sounds really peaceful. I guess I could score heroin on the street, we have some visible drug scenes in the main cities. So i consider myself lucky on that part, I know it could be way worse.

I graduated uni when I was 30, and I had many people older than me in my class! If you really want to, you are never too old to study. At my uni, we even had retired (70 year olds!) people taking classes for fun!

What would you consider "your way"?

And I am not good with people either, as I am autistic. It sucks.

Where I live, which is Russia btw, even if I attempted, I wouldn't be necessarily locked up. So it's not that hard here. But sometimes I think I wouldn't even care if I ended up in such facilities.
I was never diagnosed with anything and have no access to meds. I have no idea where I could buy any drugs. We do have tall buildings here, but flying Itself kinda scares me. I kinda like the idea of an exit bag, only with a mask and a gas tank))).

so if you have some stuff prepared, and you still haven't done it, does it mean you're really afraid of failing? As I understand none of your meds help you?

I will need money to prepare for entrance exams, then for studying itself. By the time I hopefully graduate I'll be 40.I'm not willing to start a life at 40s.
I'm not autistic (sorry, it must be incredibly hard), but definitely not fond of people, cuz we can be cruel as hell.
My way is my Dad's alive, I'm beautiful and smart, 10 years younger, graduate with a high-paying job. But probably even then I'd hate the world we live in. So basically there's no win for me.

 

[Silver]

@wishWasNEVERborn Not everyone who is depressed and/ or suicidal has had a hard or traumatic life. Sometimes all that has happened over the years becomes overwhelming.

I don't think you're being whiny, your problems are causing grief and that grief is real. Actually I'm in a very similar situation, living with parents, university dropout, unemployed, feeling too old and utterly inadequate.

For me, I'm certain beyond any doubt that I want this experience to end. The chances that my life improves to a point that it becomes worth living are slim, and even if that happens, I regret to say that I've already suffered too long waiting for such a moment.

I want to be dead, which is to say I want THIS EXPERIENCE to end, because for too long it has been, and it continues to be, hellish.

My life is very similar to yours @Manoban and I feel the same

 

[Superdeterminist]

Can I just say how nice it is to discuss this kind of stuff (methods, etc.) without hearing: "you need to get help, don't do it, everything's gonna be alright"

In this case 2 much is definitely better than 2 little.
Geez, I didn't even think of the case of purity. I've read somewhere (I think Phil Nitschke talked about it), that the reason to switch from helium to nitrogen is because they started to use only about 80% of helium in those tanks.i guess when I call the store I should ask them about it.
In your case with mom checking your room it is difficult to hide. I live in a apartment. Mother works, and we have deliveries pretty often, so that wouldn't be an issue for me. But if your mom is on such high alert does it mean she knows about your willing to ctb?
I'm assuming you're not from the USA, cuz I think they don't have much problems with ctb over there.

first time I saw partners megathread Igot really excited. Just before I've read about downside of it. So I guess it's not an option.
what are planning to do then?
I wonder how kids, even under 10, ctb??
I mean it's incredible. They hung themselves for crying out loud!!!

Yes my mother is well aware of my suicidality, as I made the mistake of once confiding in her about it. I'm from the UK.

Currently I don't have any concrete plans for ctb, because it feels like all methods are closed to me. I have been trying to starve recently because that's a method requiring no materials. But it's painful, drawn-out, and very likely to fail. I really feel stuck right now.

SN sounds somewhat promising, but I worry about vomiting, pain, and getting the method right. I also don't know if I could obtain the substance without intervention from the police (purchases are apparently monitored) and/or my mother.

And yes, it's incredible how such young children are able to go through with it, I don't know how they do it. The grief and desperation they feel in their final moments must be just that extreme.

 

[Sarahlynn]

Where I live, which is Russia btw, even if I attempted, I wouldn't be necessarily locked up. So it's not that hard here. But sometimes I think I wouldn't even care if I ended up in such facilities.
I was never diagnosed with anything and have no access to meds. I have no idea where I could buy any drugs. We do have tall buildings here, but flying Itself kinda scares me. I kinda like the idea of an exit bag, only with a mask and a gas tank))).

so if you have some stuff prepared, and you still haven't done it, does it mean you're really afraid of failing? As I understand none of your meds help you?

I will need money to prepare for entrance exams, then for studying itself. By the time I hopefully graduate I'll be 40.I'm not willing to start a life at 40s.
I'm not autistic (sorry, it must be incredibly hard), but definitely not fond of people, cuz we can be cruel as hell.
My way is my Dad's alive, I'm beautiful and smart, 10 years younger, graduate with a high-paying job. But probably even then I'd hate the world we live in. So basically there's no win for me.

Why don't you want to try therapy and meds? It hasn't helped for me, but I know of many who have gotten better with the right treatment.

I am scared of leaving my family in tatters, and I am terrified of failing. Despite my bad mental health I have had a fairly "comfortable" life with many possibillities in upper middle class, but that is coming to an end now, so it is time for me to go. I guess I also have had some hope that things will be better. I need to arrange stuff to ease the load on my family, but when that is taken care of I am gone.

Wishing for the impossible (like getting younger or the return of dead loved ones) is a very unrealistic goal, that is bound to make you depressed. I daydream a lot about winning insane amount of money in a lottery, and how that could improve things for me. But that is extremely unlikely to happen, and it will not cure my mental health issues even if it does.

Not sure where I am going now with this, I wrote myself into a corner. But I really wish you could give treatment and meds a try. What is the worst that could happen? You are already suicidal! And then you at least know that you have tried your best, both for you and your mum. Knowing that I have tried my best to fix my situation helps me to go through with my suicide, and I hope it will help my family afterwards as well.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Yes my mother is well aware of my suicidality, as I made the mistake of once confiding in her about it. I'm from the UK.

Currently I don't have any concrete plans for ctb, because it feels like all methods are closed to me. I have been trying to starve recently because that's a method requiring no materials. But it's painful, drawn-out, and very likely to fail. I really feel stuck right now.

SN sounds somewhat promising, but I worry about vomiting, pain, and getting the method right. I also don't know if I could obtain the substance without intervention from the police (purchases are apparently monitored) and/or my mother.

And yes, it's incredible how such young children are able to go through with it, I don't know how they do it. The grief and desperation they feel in their final moments must be just that extreme.

I see. My mother knows too, but I guess my behavior doesn't seem very threatening, which makes it easier to do things: too bad I'm such a coward.
What about jumping from a high building? Do you think someday you can just come to a point where you wouldn't be able to take it anymore and just jump in front of the train or something?
Before gas I was thinking about Robin Williams's way. But you start to choke and cough and panic. Maybe with drugs.
I'm sorry that not only you're trapped method-wIse, but that your mother watches you 24/7.
do you go to therapy? Were you ever diagnosed?

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

@wishWasNEVERborn Not everyone who is depressed and/ or suicidal has had a hard or traumatic life. Sometimes all that has happened over the years becomes overwhelming.


My life is very similar to yours @Manoban and I feel the same

It just feels weird to say: "I don't want to live and I'm so miserable", when there are people with BPD, schizophrenia and more, and even they sometimes are willing to live, to fight and try not to give up.
I don't wanna live because I hate the way I look and didn't accomplish shit, but when others suffer from mental illnesses or severe traumatic experience or both and more, I feel like I should just shut up and quietly step out of the window.
but it's awful that you feel so bad. I wish assisted suicide were sanctioned by any government.

Why don't you want to try therapy and meds? It hasn't helped for me, but I know of many who have gotten better with the right treatment.

I am scared of leaving my family in tatters, and I am terrified of failing. Despite my bad mental health I have had a fairly "comfortable" life with many possibillities in upper middle class, but that is coming to an end now, so it is time for me to go. I guess I also have had some hope that things will be better. I need to arrange stuff to ease the load on my family, but when that is taken care of I am gone.

Wishing for the impossible (like getting younger or the return of dead loved ones) is a very unrealistic goal, that is bound to make you depressed. I daydream a lot about winning insane amount of money in a lottery, and how that could improve things for me. But that is extremely unlikely to happen, and it will not cure my mental health issues even if it does.

Not sure where I am going now with this, I wrote myself into a corner. But I really wish you could give treatment and meds a try. What is the worst that could happen? You are already suicidal! And then you at least know that you have tried your best, both for you and your mum. Knowing that I have tried my best to fix my situation helps me to go through with my suicide, and I hope it will help my family afterwards as well.

If now you're afraid to go through with this because of certain reasons, how do you know you're gonna be ready when the time comes?
But what are you doctors saying, why no meds help you???
Is it mostly financial problems, beside your mental issues, that makes you feel like at the end of your rope??
I don't want easy money. I just wish I could be good at something, so I could earn it fair and square.
about meds. Even you admitted they didn't help you. How could they help me? The only way I see it is they change they way I see myself: like "yeah, I'm ugly and is gonna have a well-deserved but shitty job, but millions of people live like that, so why can't I?"
it's good you care so much about your family so much. It's not like I don't give a damn about my mother, but I know there was a time when my Dad offered her money for abortion, and obviously she didn't do it And now I'm the one who has to deal with that mistake of hers!!!

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Yes my mother is well aware of my suicidality, as I made the mistake of once confiding in her about it. I'm from the UK.

Currently I don't have any concrete plans for ctb, because it feels like all methods are closed to me. I have been trying to starve recently because that's a method requiring no materials. But it's painful, drawn-out, and very likely to fail. I really feel stuck right now.

SN sounds somewhat promising, but I worry about vomiting, pain, and getting the method right. I also don't know if I could obtain the substance without intervention from the police (purchases are apparently monitored) and/or my mother.

And yes, it's incredible how such young children are able to go through with it, I don't know how they do it. The grief and desperation they feel in their final moments must be just that extreme.

I myself thought about starvation. But I've read about a 58-year old German who went to the forest and starved himself to death. He kept a journal, where he described his experience. It took him 24 days. I once didn't eat for 48 hours and that was incredibly painful. I don't know how people do it. That's why I question myself: people do scary and painful things to die, so if I don't try them...
I've recently found an article online about a 15-year old boy in the USA, who was clinically depressed, attempted, but was saved. Then one day he called the police, said he had a bomb on him, put on a baggy clothes so you couldn't tell if he was telling the truth (he didn't have anything on him). Police came, he had a knife or a crowbar, he threatened them, when they asked him to stop and drop everything, he kept on coming, and the officer shot him dead. That's not a bad way to go.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I can't really comment on your method.

For your headline question: according to my therapists, no. When ever i do a suicide screening, they always ask if I have tried, and when I say no, they are like "oh well, but all is good then". Like you, I am terrified of failing. And it kinda pisses me of that if I had done the "stupid attention seeking teenager way" of downing a pack of paracetamol while posting it for all of Facebook to see, I might actually have gotten help, but without that I am not sick enough. I am not going to risk my health to get help.

Have you tried another therapist? The relationship between the patient and the therapist is very important, and if you are not a good match with your current one, I suggest you try a change. There are aspects of your life you enjoy, so I really think you should give living a serious chance before you surrender.

Is there some kind of governement aid you could apply for in terms of returning to school or finding a job? If you could choose, what would you like to do for a living? It's very easy to think "nothing", but really think. I see you care for animals, maybe you could try volunteering for a animalshelter? It would get you out and back into society, give you confidence, give you a reference you can use when applying for jobs, and most importantly, give you a purpose.

I feel like this a lot too. Because I never tried to down some pills or cut my wrists I am not suicidal enough to be taken seriously. I am outwardly pretty normal in terms of the way I behave at any time and people think that means I'm fine.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I feel like this a lot too. Because I never tried to down some pills or cut my wrists I am not suicidal enough to be taken seriously. I am outwardly pretty normal in terms of the way I behave at any time and people think that means I'm fine.

If you don't mind me commenting, I personally don't care if people take me seriously, I just wish they could help me die already. It gets annoying from time to time, that they think I need just snap out of it, but whatever.
Is therapy available for you? Therapists listen and understand.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

If you don't mind me commenting, I personally don't care if people take me seriously, I just wish they could help me die already. It gets annoying from time to time, that they think I need just snap out of it, but whatever.
Is therapy available for you? Therapists listen and understand.

I have a similar issue in that people think I need to 'snap out of it' and just live my life. Therapy may be available but there will be a long waiting list it seems.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I have a similar issue in that people think I need to 'snap out of it' and just live my life. Therapy may be available but there will be a long waiting list it seems.

So no chance to pay for it?

 

[Deleted member 17949]

So no chance to pay for it?

nah, I have no money and parents aren't helping. I am only 18 so I don't have loads of freedom

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

nah, I have no money and parents aren't helping. I am only 18 so I don't have loads of freedom

I'm hoping I'm not being hypocritical here, but I do believe if you're that young it's worth trying. You literally have your whole life ahead of you. Anyone to talk to? Friends that would listen?

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I'm hoping I'm not being hypocritical here, but I do believe if you're that young it's worth trying. You literally have your whole life ahead of you. Anyone to talk to? Friends that would listen?

Not really got people close to me no, definitely none close enough for this. I appreciate the support but life is exhausting and I don't really wanna try. I'll stick around for a little longer maybe but I give up on recovering.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Not really got people close to me no, definitely none close enough for this. I appreciate the support but life is exhausting and I don't really wanna try. I'll stick around for a little longer maybe but I give up on recovering.

So I guess you mind me asking about your problems? I don't know how much of a help I can be, but sometimes telling someone helps

 

[Deleted member 17949]

So I guess you mind me asking about your problems? I don't know how much of a help I can be, but sometimes telling someone helps

I don't wanna take over your post with my problems but I'll give a brief overview.

I'm 18 living with parents in the UK currently, not employed, studying at college. Issues started very young for me since I had clear problems with focus and social interaction. I was bullied a lot and have awful self esteem. At 14 I became pretty depressed and began self harming. My parents found out and got very angry, and since have responded pretty coldly to me trying to get help with mental problems. I became fully suicidal at 16 and attempted partial then. Right now I am just really depressed. I don't enjoy much of anything; things are kinda nice at the very most for me, usually everything is too much effort. I don't wanna study anymore and I am struggling to keep in contact with friends.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I don't wanna take over your post with my problems but I'll give a brief overview.

I'm 18 living with parents in the UK currently, not employed, studying at college. Issues started very young for me since I had clear problems with focus and social interaction. I was bullied a lot and have awful self esteem. At 14 I became pretty depressed and began self harming. My parents found out and got very angry, and since have responded pretty coldly to me trying to get help with mental problems. I became fully suicidal at 16 and attempted partial then. Right now I am just really depressed. I don't enjoy much of anything; things are kinda nice at the very most for me, usually everything is too much effort. I don't wanna study anymore and I am struggling to keep in contact with friends.

It's just a post. Plus I think I already realized that they are people like me.

One of the most horrible thing there is for me that the closest people (family) are not there for you. One thing when they don't understand something, but they try to support you, and whole other story is when they don't seem to care.
When I hear about kids starting self harming it gives me chills. And the fact that you've attempted is awful. I am really sorry that you have to deal with this at such young age.
So have you been diagnosed? Do you study something you at least once we're interested in?

 

[Deleted member 17949]

It's just a post. Plus I think I already realized that they are people like me.

One of the most horrible thing there is for me that the closest people (family) are not there for you. One thing when they don't understand something, but they try to support you, and whole other story is when they don't seem to care.
When I hear about kids starting self harming it gives me chills. And the fact that you've attempted is awful. I am really sorry that you have to deal with this at such young age.
So have you been diagnosed? Do you study something you at least once we're interested in?

I haven't been diagnosed with anything no. I study chemistry, maths and physics, and I would want to do physics at uni later if I were to continue.