I think full suspension is the surest way to kill yourself. Once you lose ground under your feet there is no way back. It's certainly not a painless way to go though. I will probably fail to do it "right" in the sense that I will pass out instead of suffocate so I'm trying to come to terms with that kind of pain. I'm not sure what would make it better. I thought of eating a bunch of alprazolam pills or getting drunk beforehand so I'd be kinda zoned out. Finding the right place to do it is a struggle. I can't do it at home, not only is there nothing that could hold me, I live with my family and they would probably find me. I thought of a hotel room but I have no idea what I am looking for. It would only work if they had some kind of hanging lights that could support my weight but I don't know how to find a hotel room like that without checking into plenty of hotel rooms and even then I would have to test out the lights if they can support me and I don't want to deal with a situation where I rip out the lights out of the ceiling. I don't know how people do it in hotel rooms. So not long ago it occurred to me that I could do it from the fitness equipment in the forest nearby, I could hang myself from one of the bars during the night. I would need to get a chair or something there though so I would need to drive close to the place.
If I do it I will also probably post here. I want to feel like people are there with me and I'm not alone with all the pain I'll have to go through in order to die. I'm afraid of suffocation and that it will last for a long time. But I have to be aware how that pain is worth ending the pain of my life. My life is more painful than suffocation. I also try to tell myself that my consciousness will probably cope with the pain somehow and will create an out of body experience or something so it will be more bearable. At the end it will actually be an out of body experience. I can't wait to not have a body anymore. I do also worry what will happen after that. I don't believe in heaven and hell but I do believe consciousness exists outside of the material world and has the ability to create as many lives and bodies in the material world as it wants. I sure as hell don't want to reincarnate. But I have thought that even if I do reincarnate, at least I'll get relief and rest in between. Plus I will never ever again have the same body I have now and it's actually my body that is the main source of my suffering.
I really hope I can make this happen. And I really hope people here will take some time to think about me while I go through with it. It will make me feel less alone with the pain and like I have supporters cheering me on to push through the pain so I can rejoice once I reach my goal. At the end of the day, I just have to do it. The rest will be taken care of.
If I do it I will also probably post here. I want to feel like people are there with me and I'm not alone with all the pain I'll have to go through in order to die. I'm afraid of suffocation and that it will last for a long time. But I have to be aware how that pain is worth ending the pain of my life. My life is more painful than suffocation. I also try to tell myself that my consciousness will probably cope with the pain somehow and will create an out of body experience or something so it will be more bearable. At the end it will actually be an out of body experience. I can't wait to not have a body anymore. I do also worry what will happen after that. I don't believe in heaven and hell but I do believe consciousness exists outside of the material world and has the ability to create as many lives and bodies in the material world as it wants. I sure as hell don't want to reincarnate. But I have thought that even if I do reincarnate, at least I'll get relief and rest in between. Plus I will never ever again have the same body I have now and it's actually my body that is the main source of my suffering.
I really hope I can make this happen. And I really hope people here will take some time to think about me while I go through with it. It will make me feel less alone with the pain and like I have supporters cheering me on to push through the pain so I can rejoice once I reach my goal. At the end of the day, I just have to do it. The rest will be taken care of.
