Venting Idk why my brain does this to me

[BBY]

It's so damn weird like I am alright for a few months and then BOOM my stomach constantly feels heavy and I feel like I have to die. Like if I don't die anytime soon bad things will happen to everyone I love. This far I've been clean from SH for 3-ish months but it's getting so hard. I have the constant urge to relapse. Istg I just need to go back to actual work bc school is doing no good for me.

 

[katara]

School never did anything good for me. I constantly felt like everyday was nonstop misery.
But ya I get this weird brain thing where I'm reminded of the fact things aren't better and things aren't going good. If I hear some good music or I watch a good video on YouTube, the second I'm reminded of how my life hasn't improved, I feel bad again. I feel sick to my stomach sometimes bc of it. It's really bad. Not sure if this is similar with you.
I hope you enjoy your work. I wish I had something I enjoyed to focus on.