Idk what i am

[That one weird girl]

I can't explain why I feel this way. I used to love dressing up and feel cute but now I just want to look like a guy. My boyfriend wants me to be the type of woman that wears lingerie and tight dresses but I'm too big to wear that stuff so it makes me uncomfortable... it hurts cuz I want to be a stereotypical beautiful woman but at the same time I despise everything that society deems sexy. If I could choose to look like anybody I'd look like lisbeth salander in the girl with the dragon tattoo but that requires that I loose a shit ton of weight...

Idk what to do. The closest thing I can compare it too is what transgender people feel like. You know gender envy? But instead I feel appearance envy. I've felt like this for years. I'm stuck in a body I dint belong in.

I've smoked weed every single day the past week and now there's nothing left so I've gone to alcohol but it dosnt have the same effect. I just want to feel something else.

 

[not_telling]

I'm sorry you have to go through that. A fight with one's own body is so fucking hard. I've stopped looking in the mirror long ago, and purposely went through a change in visual recently that is clearly for the worse, to test something out. Now, people don't commento on it, afraid that it'll make everything awkward. Of course I don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend so it is easier, but still, I am sorta surprised it's worked so well. If I'll hate my body anyway, I'll do it my way and try to get something out of it. I hope you find a way to make peace between your body and your mind OP, be it in life or in death.

 

[That one weird girl]

I hope this doesn't offend you but that was the most beautiful thing I've read
.
I understand how you feel. When you've been depressed for so long, there's no energy left to keep up with appearances. I just wish this world wasn't so superficial.
The perfect world would be that the outside appearance would depend on how good of a person you'd be.