Venting Idk if I should give my life another chance or not. My life's mess.

[miseryismybsf]

Honestly I'm too scared to die but too tired to live.

Sometimes I think I should just end it for once and all 'cuz ik nothing's gonna change in my life no matter how hard I try. My face, my family, my body, my social skills.

Since my bestfriend left me, because I was not good enough for her I haven't been able to study anything for past 5 or 6 months.

I failed my 1st term exams, now 2nd ones are just within a week.

But then once in a blue moon my mind just says give life another chance. Let's try to study.

Last week I tried to ctb by partial hanging, four nights in a row still I failed, I reached that dizzy feeling state but my survival instinct always kicks in. I'm scared. I'm coward.

Yesterday night, I thought of changing my method to SN.

I thought it must be easy and less painful, I found that I could get pure SN online but then I read more about it, I need Antiemetics like Meto and all that stuff, which is impossible for me to get 'cuz they need prescriptions.

My life's mess and I can't even die. :(

 

[thelostautistic]

You're not alone. I'm right there with you. The fear keeps me around but I really want to go.

 

[NutOrat]

Sorry to hear that, losing friends when you're already struggling with mh is extra painful.

Those sudden waves of hope, I get them too. I tried going along with them so many times, but then inevitably self-sabotaged and ended up in a worse place than before. Despite that, I'd still keep trying, I don't know why.

I too chickened out of hanging, didn't even get to attempt it, though I planned full suspension. Yeah, SN sounds so good, but then all the requirements, even though you technically could do without antiemetics, for example, I still want to be 100% prepared. It's prob not an option for me too.

Wish you the best with your exams!

 

[miseryismybsf]

Sorry to hear that, losing friends when you're already struggling with mh is extra painful.

Those sudden waves of hope, I get them too. I tried going along with them so many times, but then inevitably self-sabotaged and ended up in a worse place than before. Despite that, I'd still keep trying, I don't know why.

I too chickened out of hanging, didn't even get to attempt it, though I planned full suspension. Yeah, SN sounds so good, but then all the requirements, even though you technically could do without antiemetics, for example, I still want to be 100% prepared. It's prob not an option for me too.

Wish you the best with your exams!

I just want peace :(

 

[darksouls]

welcome to sasu
I am so sorry that life has brought you to this point
however you decide
I wish you the best
hope you find the peace you desire