_sinner_
Member
- Jul 25, 2025
- 7
Got like two pathetic little cuts in. I don't know why but sometimes no matter how much I want it sometimes it's just weirdly difficult to cut. I'm relatively sensitive, I guess, and I don't do it horribly often. I have to sometimes just dig into my skin w the grooves of the knife - it's like a kitchen knife I found here in the camper - and just dig until I can make the swipe in. It's so stupid and tonight it just feels pathetic. I just needed something. It felt deserved today, anyway. Maybe later I'll get more drive. I know it's meaningless bc they're so shallow/barely noticeable unless you know what you're looking for but still. I don't know. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't make myself cry unless it's at the most inconvenient times so I have to force myself to stop before I break and the cycle continues. Idk if that makes any sense. I know it's a bad sign bc I only turn to this when things are teetering. But I don't care anymore. I'm tired and no one gives a shit that im tired because im pathetic but also that everyone is tired too. I've tried to help and be what the people I love want and need but I just don't care anymore. It's never enough. I'm never gonna be enough. I hate myself so much for wanting attention and fussed about the way I do inside. For someone to care. Knowing full well it's undeserved, nor a right. A privilege, at best. I can't get through the rest of this week. I just can't. It's too much. It's all too much. I don't know what to do anymore
