Venting I won't stop till I kill myself

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

That's it. It's a fact. I will die by suicide. Actually I died 5 years ago. Im just a living corpse.

 

[Sensei]

I could've written that too. May I ask, how old are you?

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I could've written that too. May I ask, how old are you?

26. 27 in 2 months

 

[Kikoo Loool]

Welcome to the club!

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Yeah I'll ctb when I'm 27 so I can join the club

 

[Sensei]

26. 27 in 2 months

Alright, you're no kid anymore. Still, much can change in your life. I speak out of own experience. When I was your age I thought I was f**ked for life. It turned out that my problems actually could be solved. Today, I obviously have other problems because otherwise I wouldn't be here, but it doesn't change the fact that the seemingly unsolvable problems I had when I was your age are forever gone. I think you shouldn't give up just yet. Give it another shot.

BTW, the 27 club is overrated. When I was 27 I considered joining, but thought, "Meh."

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I am also determined to end my own life. I've always wanted to. It was/is my childhood dream

 

[Backwood_tilt]

Alright, you're no kid anymore. Still, much can change in your life. I speak out of own experience. When I was your age I thought I was f**ked for life. It turned out that my problems actually could be solved.... I think you shouldn't give up just yet. Give it another shot.

Hm, I have been thinking about this sentiment a lot, because as noble as it sounds and is intended i think it is incomplete.

Some pains do not go away, some problems cannot truly be solved. The idea of radical acceptance is intended to address exactly that reality - when the external circumstances cannot change at all, the only thing left to adapt is us.

Suicide is one of those adaptations, though not for the radical acceptance proponents. I fully believe at 26 or 27, one can make a capable conscious decision about death without it being overly biased by youth and experience. Obviously it varies from person to person, but as a general rule I wouldn't say someone who is that age should always err on the side of survival. The brain is fully formed at that point, and while we may still be getting out the first years of our adult experiences, some times we are entering young adulthood already full of traumas, health problems, whatever else that we just can't fix.

 

[chris8000]

Alright, you're no kid anymore. Still, much can change in your life. I speak out of own experience. When I was your age I thought I was f**ked for life. It turned out that my problems actually could be solved. Today, I obviously have other problems because otherwise I wouldn't be here, but it doesn't change the fact that the seemingly unsolvable problems I had when I was your age are forever gone. I think you shouldn't give up just yet. Give it another shot.

BTW, the 27 club is overrated. When I was 27 I considered joining, but thought, "Meh."

It depends on your problem. I'm stuck with severe incurable chronic pain, and so if I was 27 then I would be intending on doing the same thing as I am now and I think that society should help me along with that. As Backwood_tilt says, some problems cannot be truly solved, or at least well treated, and given they are bad enough then best to take the exit.

I found my own mental issues in 20s easier to deal with than this. When I was in that situation I could see ways through it and there was more potential, in this situation it becomes obvious what to do. Not to say I think mental issues are less worthy of state assisted euthanasia, but the brain is plastic and can rewire itself to some extent and I recovered from these problems. Of course, some people are so screwed up they have tried everything and it is hopeless, but especially for younger people or people experiencing some recent loss or trauma, there is often a way through, as difficult as it seems at the time.

I am not sure of TimeToBiteTheDust's situation or anyone elses situation so could not really judge.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

It depends on your problem. I'm stuck with severe incurable chronic pain, and so if I was 27 then I would be intending on doing the same thing as I am now and I think that society should help me along with that. As Backwood_tilt says, some problems cannot be truly solved, or at least well treated, and given they are bad enough then best to take the exit.

I found my own mental issues in 20s easier to deal with than this. When I was in that situation I could see ways through it and there was more potential, in this situation it comes obvious what to do. Not to say I think mental issues are less worthy of state assisted euthanasia, but the brain is plastic and can rewire itself to some extent. Of course, some people are so screwed up they have tried everything and it is hopeless, but especially for younger people or people experiencing some recent loss or trauma, there is often a way through, as difficult as it seems at the time.

I am not sure of TimeToBiteTheDust's situation or anyone elses situation so could not really judge.

It doesn't matter how bad the suffering is. If the person is suffering enough to want the desire to commit suicide, then it's valid.

 

[chris8000]

It doesn't matter how bad the suffering is. If the person is suffering enough to want the desire to commit suicide, then it's valid.

I think your misunderstanding me, suicide is legal in my country and I agree with that because it's an individuals decision at the end of the day.

Alright, you're no kid anymore. Still, much can change in your life. I speak out of own experience. When I was your age I thought I was f**ked for life. It turned out that my problems actually could be solved. Today, I obviously have other problems because otherwise I wouldn't be here, but it doesn't change the fact that the seemingly unsolvable problems I had when I was your age are forever gone. I think you shouldn't give up just yet. Give it another shot.
BTW, the 27 club is overrated. When I was 27 I considered joining, but thought, "Meh."

I was replying to this, and just saying it isn't always worth, in my opinion, giving it another shot because it depends on your problem. Although I like Sensei's attitude .

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I think your misunderstanding me, suicide is legal in my country and I agree with that because it's an individuals decision at the end of the day.



I was replying to this, and just saying it isn't always worth, in my opinion, giving it another shot because it depends on your problem. Although I like Sensei's attitude .

I don't think I'm misunderstanding you. You mentioned that it depends on the problem. That implies that some problems aren't worth it when considering suicide. Any kind of problem is worth considering if the person is suffering from it. The so called "problems" you mentioned shouldn't be taken so lightly.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I have tried what was in my power back then to improve my situation but it all backfired horribly wrong. Everything I believed in turned out to be a lie based on manipulation from my own parents.
My uni career is also fucked since I can't concentrate due to depression and hopelessness. I have absolutely no one my age I can go hang out with and haven't had that since I was 12.
There was once I point of time when I could have been saved but it's long past that point now because everyone dismissed my mental health and social life for good grades.
I know I'm destined to die by suicide, I've always sort of knew and I don't intend to stick around to suffer anymore.

 

[Sensei]

Hm, I have been thinking about this sentiment a lot, because as noble as it sounds and is intended i think it is incomplete.

Some pains do not go away, some problems cannot truly be solved. The idea of radical acceptance is intended to address exactly that reality - when the external circumstances cannot change at all, the only thing left to adapt is us.

Absolutely. One of the problems I said disappeared was actually unsolvable, but I learned to live with it.

Suicide is one of those adaptations, though not for the radical acceptance proponents. I fully believe at 26 or 27, one can make a capable conscious decision about death without it being overly biased by youth and experience. Obviously it varies from person to person, but as a general rule I wouldn't say someone who is that age should always err on the side of survival. The brain is fully formed at that point, and while we may still be getting out the first years of our adult experiences, some times we are entering young adulthood already full of traumas, health problems, whatever else that we just can't fix.

That's why I wrote, "you're no kid anymore." At that age, you can often, although not always, make a rational and informed decision to exit. The reason I don't simply say, "alright, go on then", is that many young people here are suffering because of problems that actually can be solved, just like my problems back then. It can for instance be unemployment, a broken heart, never having experienced love, having no friends, bullying, having to live with abusive parents, and so on. Those are all serious problems which can be very painful, but they can often be solved, either now or later in life. That's why I believe that it usually is worth giving life one more shot for young people.

It depends on your problem. I'm stuck with severe incurable chronic pain, and so if I was 27 then I would be intending on doing the same thing as I am now and I think that society should help me along with that. As Backwood_tilt says, some problems cannot be truly solved, or at least well treated, and given they are bad enough then best to take the exit.

Tell me about it. I suffer from a mental illness which can't be cured and induces depressions that, if suicide rates can be used as a measure, are the worst anyone can experience. Right now, I have to fight every single day to not exit. Some problems can't be solved and can even be impossible to live with. Many, if not most, problems can, actually or potentially, be solved, though. Hence, I think that no one should be enouraged to exit without having explored all possibilities.

I found my own mental issues in 20s easier to deal with than this. When I was in that situation I could see ways through it and there was more potential, in this situation it becomes obvious what to do. Not to say I think mental issues are less worthy of state assisted euthanasia, but the brain is plastic and can rewire itself to some extent and I recovered from these problems. Of course, some people are so screwed up they have tried everything and it is hopeless, but especially for younger people or people experiencing some recent loss or trauma, there is often a way through, as difficult as it seems at the time.

Agreed. Severe trauma is tricky, though. It can usually be treated more or less successfully, but it can take years, in the worst-case scenario decades. When you're young and in pain, it's probably very difficult to have such patience. At that age, a year is an eternity.

It doesn't matter how bad the suffering is. If the person is suffering enough to want the desire to commit suicide, then it's valid.

Indeed, suffering is subjective. Actually, the suicide rates are higher for people suffering from the most serious mental illnesses than the esimated suicide rates for inmates in Gulag camps and concentration camps. I am NOT saying that the inmates in these horror camps didn't suffer terribly, probably beyond what we can fathom, but evidently they had an unbreakable fighting spirit and will to live. However subjective suffering is, it doesn't mean that the decision to take your own life should be taken lightly, though.

I have tried what was in my power back then to improve my situation but it all backfired horribly wrong. Everything I believed in turned out to be a lie based on manipulation from my own parents.
My uni career is also fucked since I can't concentrate due to depression and hopelessness. I have absolutely no one my age I can go hang out with and haven't had that since I was 12.
There was once I point of time when I could have been saved but it's long past that point now because everyone dismissed my mental health and social life for good grades.

I have no bloody idea if your mental health issues can be solved. Perhaps, perhaps not. Only you and your psyciatrist know. Your social issues could perhaps be solved, though. I know people who have managed to break free from total isolation simply by joining a club. I know it's easier said than done, though. I should do it myself to meet more people and avoid becoming isolated, but it never happens. I still have the option, though.

I know I'm destined to die by suicide, I've always sort of knew and I don't intend to stick around to suffer anymore.

I'm 95-99 % sure I'm destined to die by suicide too. However, I'm not sure I'm destined to die now. Maybe the best time for me to go is five or ten years from now. I don't know.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Everyday I wake up and I ask myself why the fuck I am still alive. 26 years and I think I've lived enough. I don't want anything more from life.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

Absolutely. One of the problems I said disappeared was actually unsolvable, but I learned to live with it.



That's why I wrote, "you're no kid anymore." At that age, you can often, although not always, make a rational and informed decision to exit. The reason I don't simply say, "alright, go on then", is that many young people here are suffering because of problems that actually can be solved, just like my problems back then. It can for instance be unemployment, a broken heart, never having experienced love, having no friends, bullying, having to live with abusive parents, and so on. Those are all serious problems which can be very painful, but they can often be solved, either now or later in life. That's why I believe that it usually is worth giving life one more shot for young people.


Tell me about it. I suffer from a mental illness which can't be cured and induces depressions that, if suicide rates can be used as a measure, are the worst anyone can experience. Right now, I have to fight every single day to not exit. Some problems can't be solved and can even be impossible to live with. Many, if not most, problems can, actually or potentially, be solved, though. Hence, I think that no one should be enouraged to exit without having explored all possibilities.



Agreed. Severe trauma is tricky, though. It can usually be treated more or less successfully, but it can take years, in the worst-case scenario decades. When you're young and in pain, it's probably very difficult to have such patience. At that age, a year is an eternity.


Indeed, suffering is subjective. Actually, the suicide rates are higher for people suffering from the most serious mental illnesses than the esimated suicide rates for inmates in Gulag camps and concentration camps. I am NOT saying that the inmates in these horror camps didn't suffer terribly, probably beyond what we can fathom, but evidently they had an unbreakable fighting spirit and will to live. However subjective suffering is, it doesn't mean that the decision to take your own life should be taken lightly, though.


I have no bloody idea if your mental health issues can be solved. Perhaps, perhaps not. Only you and your psyciatrist know. Your social issues could perhaps be solved, though. I know people who have managed to break free from total isolation simply by joining a club. I know it's easier said than done, though. I should do it myself to meet more people and avoid becoming isolated, but it never happens. I still have the option, though.



I'm 95-99 % sure I'm destined to die by suicide too. However, I'm not sure I'm destined to die now. Maybe the best time for me to go is five or ten years from now. I don't know.

The thing about mental health issues in general is most of the time they're triggered by external events. Or they're caused by external events in one's life. I don't think it can be cured 100%. Again as long you're alive, you will suffer. Suffering is 100% guaranteed. Problems can still occur in one's life. Which is likely to trigger mental health issues in the long term.

 

[R_N]

Won't stop till I drop. Either.

 

[Sensei]

The thing about mental health issues in general is most of the time they're triggered by external events. Or they're caused by external events in one's life.

Indeed. Although let's not forget that some mental disorders have a genetic component too, such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and probably also borderline personality disorder.

I don't think it can be cured 100%.

I'm bipolar so I can never be cured, only treated. As for people suffering from non-bipolar depressions, let's be honest. When I've talked to people who have gone through very serious depressions and been cured, they all admit that they never will be at 100 % again, only 90-95 %. Your mind gets scarred by a serious depression and the scar will never disappear. However, you can still live a good life, even a fantastic life, and, as often is the case, as a more insightful and kind person. It's a bit like surviving a serious accident, I believe.

Again as long you're alive, you will suffer. Suffering is 100% guaranteed. Problems can still occur in one's life. Which is likely to trigger mental health issues in the long term.

I'm a Zen Buddhist so I tend to agree with you. However, there's an old Buddhist saying: "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." Of course, that's easier to say than to live by. Still, life is clearly not only suffering. Even though I'm in a depressive episode now and acutely suicidal, only kept alive by my self-medication, I can still see that there are many good things in life. If there were only bad things in life, I would have been resting in my grave for two decades by now. It's possible ever for people like us to enjoy the good things in life and stand the bad, but it's not always easy.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

Indeed. Although let's not forget that some mental disorders have a genetic component too, such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and probably also borderline personality disorder.



I'm bipolar so I can never be cured, only treated. As for people suffering from non-bipolar depressions, let's be honest. When I've talked to people who have gone through very serious depressions and been cured, they all admit that they never will be at 100 % again, only 90-95 %. Your mind gets scarred by a serious depression and the scar will never disappear. However, you can still live a good life, even a fantastic life, and, as often is the case, as a more insightful and kind person. It's a bit like surviving a serious accident, I believe.



I'm a Zen Buddhist so I tend to agree with you. However, there's an old Buddhist saying: "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." Of course, that's easier to say than to live by. Still, life is clearly not only suffering. Even though I'm in a depressive episode now and acutely suicidal, only kept alive by my self-medication, I can still see that there are many good things in life. If there were only bad things in life, I would have been resting in my grave for two decades by now. It's possible ever for people like us to enjoy the good things in life and stand the bad, but it's not always easy.

Where do you think that genetic component came from? Think about the time where humans used to be apes. There was no civilization. Think about that for a moment.
Humans are technically traumatized apes.
About that saying, pain is inevitable obviously but think one more step further. Why suffer? Do you suffer for the sake of suffering? Nature doesn't care whether you suffer or not. Your biological system doesn't care either. It cares about surviving. The brain will try anything to change its state of mind so it doesn't "suffer." Much like how people use entertainment to escape from pain and suffering. Why do they do that you think? They want to forget that they're suffering. A coping mechanism if you will.
You seem like a smart person. All you need is to think one step further. If you're brave enough. Take it a step further. Just one more.

 

[zherhk]

Yeah, we're dead inside.
We just got a little bit unlucky at the life lottery and circumstances I guess.
I can't fill up 1/10 of the emptiness with anything.
I could describe my life as a everlasting down trend market,
All the pullback I made, weren't strong enough, and since out of control by nature, It just goes down more and more.

 

[Sensei]

Where do you think that genetic component came from? Think about the time where humans used to be apes. There was no civilization. Think about that for a moment.
Humans are technically traumatized apes.

That's an interesting topic. If we look at schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, which are the most clear-cut cases, the are herditary to a rather high degree. (Although there are many who simply are "struck by lightning", like me.) Also, mentally ill people get fewer children than the general population. Logically, this should mean that the prevalences for schizophrenia and bipolar disorder would drop over time, but remarkably enough they remain stable. This indicates that the genetic element actually must be evolutionary in nature.

Technology can definitely trigger mental illnesses with a genetic component, but not change the it, as it's a complex gene combination, or more probably a set of different gene combinations.

About that saying, pain is inevitable obviously but think one more step further. Why suffer? Do you suffer for the sake of suffering? Nature doesn't care whether you suffer or not. Your biological system doesn't care either. It cares about surviving. The brain will try anything to change its state of mind so it doesn't "suffer." Much like how people use entertainment to escape from pain and suffering. Why do they do that you think? They want to forget that they're suffering. A coping mechanism if you will.

Listen, I don't think there's a meaning or a purpose. We will die, mankind will go extinct, the stars will go out, everything will turn into a soup of subatomic particles, everything will be forgotten, and all we ever did will have been in vain. Still, we can live here and now and try to enjoy our existence, however simple it may be. If it was impossible to enjoy life, mankind would have died out a long time because everyone would have killed themselves. I don't think most people suffer and try to escape reality. They are just simpletons.

You seem like a smart person. All you need is to think one step further. If you're brave enough. Take it a step further. Just one more.

Towards what?

 

[Wayfaerer]

Yeah I'll ctb when I'm 27 so I can join the club

That's what I wanted to do as a tiny, miniscule consolation prize but it only really matters if you're a musician. My window is going to be closing in a few months anyway when I turn 28. I'd rather spend an extra month whoremongering then die for some urban myth.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

That's an interesting topic. If we look at schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, which are the most clear-cut cases, the are herditary to a rather high degree. (Although there are many who simply are "struck by lightning", like me.) Also, mentally ill people get fewer children than the general population. Logically, this should mean that the prevalences for schizophrenia and bipolar disorder would drop over time, but remarkably enough they remain stable. This indicates that the genetic element actually must be evolutionary in nature.

Technology can definitely trigger mental illnesses with a genetic component, but not change the it, as it's a complex gene combination, or more probably a set of different gene combinations.



Listen, I don't think there's a meaning or a purpose. We will die, mankind will go extinct, the stars will go out, everything will turn into a soup of subatomic particles, everything will be forgotten, and all we ever did will have been in vain. Still, we can live here and now and try to enjoy our existence, however simple it may be. If it was impossible to enjoy life, mankind would have died out a long time because everyone would have killed themselves. I don't think most people suffer and try to escape reality. They are just simpletons.



Towards what?

People are able to enjoy life because of the optimism bias. Only because people don't like to be depressed all the time. They just puppets. They prefer to act like puppets cause they can't deal with reality.
At least you're aware that the existence humans or any kind of living being had no purpose or meaning whatsoever.
Like I've explained the brain can't deal with depressing truths so they use the optimism bias(such as "life is a gift") to "enjoy" life. They don't actually enjoy it. If they did, they wouldn't need an optimism bias to cope with life. It's better to stay aware than enjoy life. You're just a puppet if you're enjoying life.
People who enjoy life are actually depressed at the end of the day. It's all a mask.
The point of entertainment, religion, and school is all a distraction/coping mechanism of life/reality. That's the whole point. It's the only reason they exist in the first place. (School and work is more of a business so more of a $$$ kind of reason)
Everything is inherently a distraction until you die. Life is death with extra steps.

 

[Sensei]

People are able to enjoy life because of the optimism bias. Only because people don't like to be depressed all the time. They just puppets. They prefer to act like puppets cause they can't deal with reality.
At least you're aware that the existence humans or any kind of living being had no purpose or meaning whatsoever.
Like I've explained the brain can't deal with depressing truths so they use the optimism bias(such as "life is a gift") to "enjoy" life. They don't actually enjoy it. If they did, they wouldn't need an optimism bias to cope with life. It's better to stay aware than enjoy life. You're just a puppet if you're enjoying life.
People who enjoy life are actually depressed at the end of the day. It's all a mask.
The point of entertainment, religion, and school is all a distraction/coping mechanism of life/reality. That's the whole point. It's the only reason they exist in the first place. (School and work is more of a business so more of a $$$ kind of reason)
Everything is inherently a distraction until you die. Life is death with extra steps.

Basically, I could copy and paste my previous post as a reply. I think we have to agree to disagree on this one.

As for purpose and meaning, I could be wrong. I don't think so, but I'll never know for certain.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

Basically, I could copy and paste my previous post as a reply. I think we have to agree to disagree on this one.

As for purpose and meaning, I could be wrong. I don't think so, but I'll never know for certain.

I disagree with your opinion. The truth never lies.

 

[deflagrat]

Life is meaningless, and it will always be meaningless. If I had access to an actual good method such as proper euthanasia agents I wouldn't be wasting my time typing here. This has become my dream death, and I hope to achieve it sometime eventually. It's really shitty to have parents that care about you because you feel trapped, normally people would be happy about this but I am not really that happy to continue this miserable existence. Even disability benefits are not enough to make my life worth living. Life is hell and not having to "worry" about money makes you be in a limbo state where you are convinced you should wait to the perfect opportunity to ctb even though you don't want to wait. Having to deal with your own psychology fucking sucks.

 

[Moonicide]

I'm right there with you. I will end my life with my own hands, and that's a fact.