cicadafriend
Member
- Jun 13, 2023
- 65
tw for SA and harassment.
Was in college up until this Spring. I developed strong feelings for a friend but told them that I wanted to recover from my suicidal ideation and stabilize my moods before starting a relationship. Still, they ended up coming over to my place one night and I was way too inebriated to remember what happened or probably even express a coherent thought. I realized the next morning that they weren't also inebriated and I felt like shit, was in a lot of physical pain too but hid it because I really really liked this person. Then a few days later they showed up to a party I was at and ended up getting black out drunk. After everyone left they kind of half laid, half touched me in super uncomfortable areas and I called my roommate for help in getting them back to their dorm. I felt extremely guilty for not being able to give them the relationship they wanted.
Meanwhile a few members of my ex's frat would follow me up to the street I lived on a few times and walk really close behind me whenever I was out around campus. I started staying in my dorm all the time and missed a lot of classes and lost 10 lbs from not being able to go out.
This caused me to regress extremely in progress I'd made in my ptsd treatment. My body aches constantly and I get nightmares and panic attacks more consistently. The prognosis for sexual trauma is kinda dim anyways. But I realized that having the option to CTB is kind of invaluable for individuals like me. This forum is a gem because people here seem to understand the importance of bodily/emotional/spiritual autonomy. My CTB date is coming up soon and planning it is the only peace I experience anymore.
Thanks if you've read this far and best of luck to everyone.
Was in college up until this Spring. I developed strong feelings for a friend but told them that I wanted to recover from my suicidal ideation and stabilize my moods before starting a relationship. Still, they ended up coming over to my place one night and I was way too inebriated to remember what happened or probably even express a coherent thought. I realized the next morning that they weren't also inebriated and I felt like shit, was in a lot of physical pain too but hid it because I really really liked this person. Then a few days later they showed up to a party I was at and ended up getting black out drunk. After everyone left they kind of half laid, half touched me in super uncomfortable areas and I called my roommate for help in getting them back to their dorm. I felt extremely guilty for not being able to give them the relationship they wanted.
Meanwhile a few members of my ex's frat would follow me up to the street I lived on a few times and walk really close behind me whenever I was out around campus. I started staying in my dorm all the time and missed a lot of classes and lost 10 lbs from not being able to go out.
This caused me to regress extremely in progress I'd made in my ptsd treatment. My body aches constantly and I get nightmares and panic attacks more consistently. The prognosis for sexual trauma is kinda dim anyways. But I realized that having the option to CTB is kind of invaluable for individuals like me. This forum is a gem because people here seem to understand the importance of bodily/emotional/spiritual autonomy. My CTB date is coming up soon and planning it is the only peace I experience anymore.
Thanks if you've read this far and best of luck to everyone.