I wish...

[cherry7]

I wish CTB wouldn't cause so much heartache for the ones left behind. It would make it so much easier. I think about the depth of the loss and pain and painfully unanswered questions that my friends and family will experience once I'm gone and I wish it didn't have to be that way. I wish they'd be able to see it as something that was actually the best possible choice for me and be able to accept it as the best thing for me too.

 

[Macc_Lad_71]

I wish CTB wouldn't cause so much heartache for the ones left behind. It would make it so much easier. I think about the depth of the loss and pain and painfully unanswered questions that my friends and family will experience once I'm gone and I wish it didn't have to be that way. I wish they'd be able to see it as something that was actually the best possible choice for me and be able to accept it as the best thing for me too.

that's not going to happen.....they'll miss you and be devastated. best wishes

 

[cherry7]

that's not going to happen.....they'll miss you and be devastated. best wishes

I know. That's what's holding me back. I wish they wouldn't.

I know. That's what's holding me back. I wish they wouldn't.

I don't have it in me to do it to them. It will destroy them. But I can't keep going on either. One will have to win.

 

[mtoro998]

Unfortunately theres nothing you can do about that when you have a family that cares about you.

 

[AresCohere]

For me at least, I don't know about others, but my family and people who know me will be somewhat glad in gone. I'm expensive to "take care of" and I'm a "liability." They may act upset but in the end, money speaks, and they will have more of its once I'm gone.

 

[cherry7]

Unfortunately theres nothing you can do about that when you have a family that cares about you.

If only they saw ctb in a different light. I've heard of caring family like that before but not mine.

 

[mtoro998]

If only they saw ctb in a different light. I've heard of caring family like that before but not mine.

Maybe they would if you had a terminal illness. At the end of the day you have to decide for yourself and being ok with the fact you will hurt them.

 

[cherry7]

Maybe they would if you had a terminal illness. At the end of the day you have to decide for yourself and being ok with the fact you will hurt them.

Ah thank you. Yes. I've heard it said that being suicidal IS a terminal illness.

 

[Buildingsandcastles]

Ah thank you. Yes. I've heard it said that being suicidal IS a terminal illness.

This is exactly how I've been subtly trying to present it to people in my life that have seen me suffer for 20 years, try every treatment, work my ass off for the pain to get worse and worse. If I had cancer and no longer wanted to fight a battle like chemo that is taking away what is left of the person they love, they would understand. But somehow, brain injury/TRD "just isn't the same". Obviously I feel bad for people with terminal illnesses who wanttt to live but they get to go how they want and with at least a semblance of support. They get love from their caring family rather than their caring family telling them to just keep going for them and blame them wholly. They get help completing their bucket list in the last months, they get medical support on their way out, they get to say real goodbyes. And yet we are not allowed that, even when many of us have been suffering for far longer than some with terminal illnesses, with less support and empathy. But people still deny the logic, and don't have this compassion for our type of terminal illness, because ya know, as they so ratioanlly say "well that'ssss different!".