Venting i wish to be reborn as someone better

[liverviper]

I don't know if this is a common thing at all, but sometimes when I'm scrolling twitter or instagram and I see someone with art I really like that's really popular, I start to get really jealous and just want to be them to the point that I'm thinking "if I ctb can I be reborn as them?"
Obviously, the easiest fix is getting offline, but if anything, that just makes me spiral deeper. I start thinking about how ahead I was as a child and how much I've fallen behind everyone. I want to be good at art like I used to be, I want to be good at sewing and cooking like I was years ago, but I get home from work and can only think about laying down and on my days off, I tell myself I'll clean up, but the AC has been broken for almost a year now, and just makes doing anything a pain. I'm in the south, so at the absolute coolest it's maybe 70 degrees. I try to tell myself that my life is just starting, but I've still already wasted so much of it. I can never go back to the childhood. I want to improve, but I'm scared of people looking over my shoulder and judging me.

 

[Kabalite]

Same. I am a terrible person who has done nothing but fail, make terrible decisions, and hurt the people that love me. I live in a subconscious state of regret, shame, guilt, fear and insecurity and I will never be happy. I am far too lazy, depressed, bitter and hateful to ever be anything else. I hope in another life I come back as someone better. Hopefully there I can make it up to everyone.

 

[liverviper]

Same. I am a terrible person who has done nothing but fail, make terrible decisions, and hurt the people that love me. I live in a subconscious state of regret, shame, guilt, fear and insecurity and I will never be happy. I am far too lazy, depressed, bitter and hateful to ever be anything else. I hope in another life I come back as someone better. Hopefully there I can make it up to everyone.

I feel that a ton, and I'm hoping there's some solace and knowing you're not alone. There was for me, at least

 

[Manfrotto99]

Well I'm envious of practically everyone....and I wish to be reborn as anyone except someone in a third country

I don't feel like I am to blame - im not perfect but who is? I know I tried with what little opportunities I had in life - at least I don't beat myself up about regrets and mistakes - we've all made them - but then again because I tried it kind of makes me feel even more a looser and I wish that I hadnt - as it would give me some excuse.

I feel like I'm constantly judged as being less than others because I have nothing and have achieved nothing - I'm totally ashamed to the extent I cannot walk out the door anymore and just long to rot away in the darkness while i wait and hope to overcome my SI and ctb.

It doesn't help that I'm so small either - I feel "looser" is written all over every milliscule of my body and that I'm just alive so people can mock and laugh and look down - while feeling superior about themselves. I have to wonder if this is my role in life.

 

[Black Sheep One]

Reborn??? What a dreafull concept. Like one like is torture enough, we now have to repeat.. When did this madness start... go back a prevent it from starting....
If I had to reincarnatie, how about something else? Like a Dog, cat , horse, fish or a bird. May something else in the universe. It is quite large...