Venting I wish someone would give me encouragement instead of telling me everything wrong with me

[Night Sky]

As the title says.

I just wish someone would reach out and give me encouragement and positive words, instead of going on and on about what's "wrong" with me, and saying that if I just started thinking about so-and-so a different way, then things would magically get better. No one ever wants to actually spend time with me and hang out or grab lunch or something and help me with the root cause of my loneliness. And no one ever gives me genuine encouragement or says "hey, maybe all this bad stuff happened to you in the past, but I believe in you, and you matter to people, and you didn't deserve to go through what you did".

Anyone who ever offers to listen just gives that same generic advice of "you have to live for yourself" and "only you can change your own mindset on life" that never actually helps, then gets frustrated when it doesn't immediately make me feel better. But no one actually ever is POSITIVE about things or says "maybe all these people left you behind, but you matter to me". Some encouragement and positive reinforcement that maybe I am worth something to even just a single person, instead of feeling like a pile of worthless garbage, would make a huge difference.

But instead people who offer to listen and insist on helping almost always just list off everything wrong with me and my thought process, and why if I just did these one or two simple things, everything that's hurt me for over a decade will magically change overnight.

Why do so many people who offer to be there are only interested in throwing "advice" at you and act like they know your own life better than you do? Why is just some simple encouragement and positivity so rare? Why do so many people try to "fix" things they will never be able to fully understand instead of just being there for someone??

I'm so tired.

 

[socrates]

Your not a worthless piece of trash, your the opposite of that! You are important, and you don't deserve the shitty things that have happened to you.
I feel like some people only want to help so long as it doesn't become a bother. So they throw out generic lines in hopes that it will fix you quickly. I'm sure those lines have helped some people some time, but a lot of time we just need a hug, a shoulder to cry on and some one just saying " you matter to me and I care about you"
sending you virtual hugs

 

[faust]

Hello,
I think that is a basic human need to seem smarter than he/she is.
Just an animal instinct to be dominant.
Honestly, I don't like this positive and encouragement sometimes because I am in a such a deep hole that it just reminds me I can't fix my life.
But that's your own preference if that makes you feel better.
Have you tried to talk to any people there?
And you are right about " just being there for someone ".
At least here you won't be criticized for making mistakes

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

People often don't know what I need unless I tell them. Sometimes they're even willing to do it if I ask them.

I could see making a list from that first paragraph, then saying to a friend: "I have a problem. First, would you be willing to listen to my problem? If yes, would you be willing to help me by responding with one or more things on this list of ways that would help me?"