I wish someone could kill me.

[Comaa]

I don't think this is necessarily a fantasy of mine nor a perversion, rather a genuine desire for a guranteed death.
It really saddens me that these days people like us have no possible access to get euthanized, and we are forced to continue this cycle of grief and suffering, when we were promised that this life would be about living, not force-surviving.
All of the methods seem to be either really restricted or unimaginably painful, and although I don't mind pain as long as I get the guranteed outcome of death, it deeply saddens me that we don't get a free choice to decide what we want to do with our existence.
It would be genuinely so relieving, having someone to blow your brains out without asking any unnecessary questions nor hesitating over their own morality. Quick. Lethal. Just like that.
But hiring a hitman without any connections is painfully difficult, and they are incredibly expensive, too. There's a slim chance that I might stumble upon a murderer on a walk, this is just my tough luck. And in all honesty, I don't think there's anyone out there who's willing to risk their sanity or freedom over ending a stranger's life on a notice, and with that, their suffering. After all this forum is all about freedom and choice.

I guess I'll have to contrive my ways around this concept until I gather enough physical resources to hopefully CTB. Or wait for this fortunatelly unfortunate Tuesday where a random bus slides around the corner and kills me on my way home.

 

[tonicer]

I thought about hiring someone too but what if he is just a sadistic asshole who tortures me?! Best option IMHO is getting crushed by something heavy like a semi-truck. I saw many videos on 4chan about people getting their heads smashed by heavy machinery. That must be the quickest way to die. It's over in a nanosecond.

 

[CopingWithSenility]

I get that so much. Dying from something that isn't self-inflicted per se would be wonderful. To not die from my own hand but from something else would maybe give my family some peace of mind compared to knowing I did it of my own volition, mainly. It'd also just be so much cleaner, much less for me to worry about when it comes to my death

 

[rikakawaii]

I remember begging my roommates in psych wards I had stayed at to kill me in my sleep.

 

[abcdefg789]

Yup I also wish I coudl get someone to kill me.

 

[Comaa]

I get that so much. Dying from something that isn't self-inflicted per se would be wonderful. To not die from my own hand but from something else would maybe give my family some peace of mind compared to knowing I did it of my own volition, mainly. It'd also just be so much cleaner, much less for me to worry about when it comes to my death

I feel your pain with you through my screen, and I will admit that I deeply relate. My relations with my family were never perfect nor remotely stable. But I still wouldn't wish this pain upon them, discovering my body or finding out about my demise would be certainly traumatizing to them, or possibly risk repeating a cycle. Sometimes I really wish that these matters could be easier, even with my awarness that nothing ever truly is easy. But these days, you cannot even stage your own suicide as murder anymore, so I guess we're stuck. No matter which course of action you might take, though, I hope everything you want to work out, works out for you!