Venting i wish it was easier to die

[waqs]

i have no methods to kill myself effectively, all of the methods i have at disposable have too high of a risk to fail and forever ruin myself further. hanging seems like the method i will have to go for at this point since i just can't get my hands on SN, but hanging has a good risk of giving me forever brain damage if things go wrong. theres nowhere nearby that has a high enough area to jump from and not just break my legs, while there are guns in the house theyre only pistols and i dont even know what kind they are; the risk of living is still pretty high with shooting myself since i can't do the research needed for them.

i wish it was just easier tbh, i cant take the risk of living through any of them since the damage they would cause would make me even more miserable then i already am. i wouldn't get a second chance if i fail my first one too. this shit sucks.

 

[Marsoff]

Welcome to my world. In my country, it is hard to get Pentobarbital for example.

 

[ginko0]

Don't we all? I'm choosing hanging, but, with a gun at home, well, you should consider!

 

[Marsoff]

I wish I did. But I'll be all alone. I wish I hanged as well. In fact, I promised myself to die by suicide than to die of old age, I absolutely hate the latter.

 

[monetpompo]

with a gun at home, well, you should consider!

if waqs has never handled a gun before, she might flinch while shooting the pistol and end up with a survivable injury instead of one that kills her. that's something i think about when i think about using firearms. figuring out what kind of pistol it is would also be helpful for knowing how to use it.

hanging has a good risk of giving me forever brain damage if things go wrong. theres nowhere nearby that has a high enough area to jump from and not just break my legs

i also have the same problem. it's been rough mulling over my options over and over and not being satisfied with any of them. it's scary to think that i could fail and become an even bigger burden to my family.

 

[waqs]

if waqs has never handled a gun before, she might flinch while shooting the pistol and end up with a survivable injury instead of one that kills her. that's something i think about when i think about using firearms. figuring out what kind of pistol it is would also be helpful for knowing how to use it.

yeah i never had shot before besides like once when i was 14, and that was shooting cans with my dad while supervised, not enough experience at all to kill myself with a firearm :/

i also have the same problem. it's been rough mulling over my options over and over and not being satisfied with any of them. it's scary to think that i could fail and become an even bigger burden to my family.

me too, im already disliked by my family i dont want to be any more trouble for them. the main reason i cant even get SN is my parents check all the packages, i cant risk them finding it, and i dont trust myself to intercept the package before they get to it. i think id be sent to a mental hospital if they found it lmao, that seems worse then living how i do now

 

[IronMed]

I have always thought that there should be something like a suicide island where you pay a fee, they fly you or take you by boat to an island, you feast for some days if you want, eat all you want if you want, or if you desire, you just go and get straight to business. They provide you with the tools / methods or kill you as per your desire and then your body is either burned or thrown into the ocean to never be found again...

 

[wormathen_worms]

Honestly I don't understand why its so criminalized. Like if you're of sound mind and this has been a consistent desire for the vast majority of your life with little to no deviation and you've exhausted every possibility, suicide is genuinely the most humane option in my opinion. At this point it seems society is hellbent on prolonging mental and often physical suffering just because of the taboo around dying "before your time" or something ridiculous like that.

A failed attempt is my actual nightmare after an attempt that left my arm scarred to hell and back so I'm right with you there. Why did amazon remove SN :(

 

[IronMed]

Honestly I don't understand why its so criminalized. Like if you're of sound mind and this has been a consistent desire for the vast majority of your life with little to no deviation and you've exhausted every possibility, suicide is genuinely the most humane option in my opinion. At this point it seems society is hellbent on prolonging mental and often physical suffering just because of the taboo around dying "before your time" or something ridiculous like that.

A failed attempt is my actual nightmare after an attempt that left my arm scarred to hell and back so I'm right with you there. Why did amazon remove SN :(

Probably because those who control the systems need slaves to keep living a work-free, hedonistic life by harvesting their labor and energy, and if people start realizing things and just killing themselves, those left would have to maintain the system by themselves, unless they create a fleet of AI-powered rob... wait a second

 

[wormathen_worms]

Probably because those who control the systems need slaves to keep living a work-free, hedonistic life by harvesting their labor and energy, and if people start realizing things and just killing themselves, those left would have to maintain the system by themselves, unless they create a fleet of AI-powered rob... wait a second

This is such a mood. I'm so disillusioned with the current exploitative system and I wish the AI bubble would either pop and start a worker's revolution or it takes off and the oligarchs stop pretending to care about whether we live or die and just let us get on with it already.

 

[Greasyhair]

Same situation, and my mental illness further limits my access (eg there is one suitably tall building near me, but I would talk my way inside.) Which leaves me pretty much only with trains, they terrify me but come warmer weather I plan to go trainspotting to get hopefully more used to them.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand as I always suffer so much from being trapped in this cruel, torturous existence, all I want is to peacefully cease existing and I see so much cruelty in how the option to cease existing painlessly that is guaranteed is denied as all I want is to never suffer again, it's so horrible to me how people have to worry about trying to cease existing going wrong in the first place in this existence where there is no limit as to how much one can be tortured, I find it so terrifying how such can happen, I hope you find peace, I wish you the best.

 

[Steph99]

Hanging is the most common suicide method worldwide for a good reason, the materials are readily at hand, the concept is simple, and with FSH it is 99.9% lethal. The risk of surviving with brain damage is very remote. The hard part is stepping off the chair, just like the hard part with guns is pulling the trigger, and with jumping the hard part is jumping. People who are determined enough will likely overcome the SI, the less determined will likely not. These methods are scary though so entirely understandable why people cross them off their lists.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

they purposefully made every guaranteed painless quick method a crime to keep us all as tortured slaves in this prison hell.

for example i can't hire someone to shoot me 10 time in the head, or buy Nembutal or buy use of the Sarco suicide pod because they made all these existing suicide method technologies into crimes . when these are not inherently crimes. they wrote laws to make them crimes.

it doesn't make sense even in any kind of subjective morality . a person is suffering extremely or will be and needs to escape from that torture. but they can't because they made every guaranteed painless suicide method into crimes.

and the tech and will exists . because i can pay someone and then someone wants to make money to sell nembutal or assisted suicide as with a gun on injecting me with something etc. i don't care if it was even $700 . that's less than a laptop and good smart phone or a week's living expenses, hungry all the damn time for food for what to risk extreme torture.

also opiods like fentanyl , heroin, morphine which provide a painless Death they made into crimes

 

[DreamCoper]

Even when I wasn't necessarily "suicidal" I always thought that if a button appeared in front of me that allowed me to immediately die I would always click it.

 

[autisticbrain13]

i feel the same. i can't get my hands on SN - the UK are really vigilant with it and i'm too scared to purchase it, i live with my family still. i don't want to risk them answering the door to police.

hanging seems complicated, and overdosing on my meds seems risky too. i thought i could OD on propanolol but apparently that doesn't seem to work. my other meds (mirtzapine, sertraline, lisdexemfetamine) also sound like a no go.

if i couldn't get SN i intended to do the CO method with a tent, but again it sounds technical and with it being winter - if i fail then i'm just freezing in a tent dealing with whatever side effects on my own.

just sad. i hate the feeling of being stuck, especially with no choice.

yet, Lord Falconer recently said Autistic people could possibly get access to assisted suicide in the future - like i'm eligible for it. why does it have to be on their terms? why are they telling me essentially that my brain is so bad that we should make it easier to die - yet with suicide statistics on autistic people being so high, they make getting SN etc so inaccessible.

 

[IronMed]

Even when I wasn't necessarily "suicidal" I always thought that if a button appeared in front of me that allowed me to immediately die I would always click it.

I have this exact though every day. I even imagine the button appearing at random places