starboy2k
whhaazzzzzuuupppp
- May 21, 2025
- 453
I keep replaying the things I used to do for survival.
The outcomes that either resulted in stagnation or traumatic stress that only affected me. I would feel my brain freeze and ache from having to think about/make decisions for myself, and most of the time they were redundant choices.
The credit card debt, the constant hooking up to fill an empty void, the things I said, the things I did, the opportunities I failed, the risks I didn't take. I so desperately wanted to finally feel like the one who could hurt, invalidate, dismiss people but I was the one that ended up isolated and damaged the most.
I am not a monster….or at least I try not to be one, but Im definitely not innocent. I wish I was though, it would make me killing myself even more vindicated…but in reality it would just make me another statistic. I tried…..I really did.
The outcomes that either resulted in stagnation or traumatic stress that only affected me. I would feel my brain freeze and ache from having to think about/make decisions for myself, and most of the time they were redundant choices.
The credit card debt, the constant hooking up to fill an empty void, the things I said, the things I did, the opportunities I failed, the risks I didn't take. I so desperately wanted to finally feel like the one who could hurt, invalidate, dismiss people but I was the one that ended up isolated and damaged the most.
I am not a monster….or at least I try not to be one, but Im definitely not innocent. I wish I was though, it would make me killing myself even more vindicated…but in reality it would just make me another statistic. I tried…..I really did.
