I wish I was selfish and incapable of feeling love, I would be happier

[FireFox]

I envy people who dont care about the people who show them love because they feel no pain.

I give love and all I feel is nothing but pain over it never being reciprocated back. I care and remember every detail guys I like tell me about them but none of these guys to remember anything about me. I am never enough not matter what I do. I wish I was another woman because no man sees anything speical in me.

I wish I was completely selfish with no zero capability of showing love at least I would be happy.

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

You would certainly be less miserable. I can say that with complete confidence. But happiness would also be a stranger.

For most of my life I genuinely believed that love was a placebo effect. It wasn't real, just a thing people were having a shared hallucination about because I didn't feel it from or towards a single soul and I did not understand it. That also means that I did not care about it. I had no desire for it. It had no value to me.

I can tell you that life was a lot simpler. Everything was black or white. But if you'd asked anyone who experienced love, at the height of their ecstasy, if they were happier than me, all of them would say yes. They would not have traded places with me. They might even have found me pitiful in my ignorance as I did them in their delusion.

It is only after they come crashing down, miserable and broken, do they look at me with envy. Pity becomes jealousy. Blackened hearts that don't beat don't bleed either.

You'd be steadier, not happier.

 

[Dejected 55]

Same. I don't remember everything about every girl I ever liked... but when I'm trying to get to know them. I'm listening and learning and I remember all the things because I care. It doesn't seem to matter. I observe guys who don't give a crap and don't hardly try having dates all the time. Now, maybe none of those dates go anywhere and they are miserable too. I don't know. What I do know is the guys that don't give a crap seem to get more chances than those of us who care and put in effort. I see it all the time.

Sometimes I have thought life might be easier if I cared less. I don't know. That feels like it could be even more lonely though. Because I long for deep connection with a woman. So if I truly didn't care, how could I ever have that connection even if someone gave me a chance? Instead I'm doomed to love and feel and care deeply and be used or ignored because of it.

Women that will outright ignore me are absolutely right now talking to men who don't give a crap about her and giving those guys more attention in a day than I'll get in a lifetime. Not even talking about sex or a date... just time and attention. Women seem to invest more easily in guys that behave horribly than guys who are not. I will never understand that.

 

[=^ه`ه^=]

I think of this sometimes but i still dont think i actually want to be a part of the reason why people are miserable i cant do it

My expectations of everyone are as low as hell lately

I also dont think being a "special women" helps tbh

 

[yxmux]

it's kind of boring tbh

also i used to trick myself into thinking i was in love or something which is embarrassing in hindsight