Venting I wish i was normal

[n3ko4ng3l]

I haven't felt anything since I was 13. I a husk of the girl I once was it's been three years and I've been completely void. I can't form normal connections with people. I don't think I'm human. Or alive. I feel like I died. I wish that I was normal and could enjoy the life I have. I don't deserve anything I have, I know that people say that depression can make it seem that everyone would be better off if I were dead. But that is really my truth, I've done nothing then make people miserable, my only way to cope was weed and that was only was temporary fix. I know that I don't have a future or the one I have will certainly be lonely. No matter how I look at it it's almost like I was destined to CTB. My family and some friends might be sad for a bit but I believe it's what they need. It might be the right thing for them. It's so selfish that I've chosen to go on for this long. I'm honestly disgusted for letting myself burden the people around me for so long. I am so sorry to them. I don't even know if I'm depressed. I wake up shower and go to school like everyone else. I just don't feel. Every smile and laugh has no weight behind it. I should just do it for everyone. Everyone deserves to be free.

sorry if this is cringy

 

[chuerdhmproton]

From the sound of it you are still under 18? I know how much things seem like they suck but I suggest holding out at least until you are 18+. Once you hit adulthood, things start changing fast (for better or for worse), but you won't know until you see for yourself.

CTB is always an option and you can ctb anytime you want.

 

[Arcitect]

By the way you wrote your thread you seem to be under 18. I'd personally recommend sticking around here until you're at least 18. Not that I'm judging you, but the younger you are the less coherent your reasoning is. So, I'd give life a little trial run and stick around until you're 18. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.

Sorry you ended up here. I'm sure you're a great person.

 

[rohite0024]

I also wish the same.i wish i didnt had aspergers. Oh man I could have achieved so much in my life. One thing is common I would have still died though.