Venting I wish I was never born

[fiora]

I can't stand it, I don't know why I'm making myself wait until my sister is done graduating when she'll be fine on her own until my mom is back home to care for her. I never asked to raise a child so why did I end up having to raise my sister Into adulthood? I don't want to see my mom when gets out of prison, I'm so tired of taking care of my sister and it's to the point I just can't anymore.

I do love my sister but she will never understand the trauma I went through as a kid and having to keep my mouth shut so I can focus on making sure I gave her everything I could and now it I feels like she never really cared about me, it's like she just expects me to do things for her and that's it. my sister never had to go through the shit I had to go through.

I just want to be gone so bad it's not fair, I get so jealous reading goodbye threads just wishing I could find the peace they did. I resent my mom so much for giving birth to me, I do not want to be here. If she wanted to be a mother than she should've stuck around to care and protect her children instead of trusting them with random men and making them fend for themselves while she went out to get fucked up on drugs and alcohol.

I wish she never had me nor my sister, or had just aborted me when she knew she was pregnant.

 

[eternalsunshine23]

I agree with this so much. I've had to raise my baby sister as well, but I know she understands the trauma I went through as she's going through it herself. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Honestly you're not alone in it.