Ugh, I don't even know where to start. I have schizoaffective disorder and what I believe is PMDD. I'm around my due period so I'm starting to get super depressed again, hence the PMDD. Doctors have prescribed birth control, but I'm too scared to take it.
You know what's annoying? I have SN with me but what's preventing me from taking it is simply my family's love for me. I remember when I first had my psychotic episode and she, my mom, took care of me. I remember when I told my parents I wanted to ctb and my dad wanted to drive over 200miles to see me immediately. All I can do is cry profusely because I know that I am loved, but it's just that I don't love myself
I feel so fat and ugly and stupid and worthless and just anything negative because my brain is broken. I'm so fuxking lonely, living alone is the most depressing thing.
I also think I have an eating disorder because I eat the same vegan foods everyday until I get slim, then overeat snacks once I reach a certain weight point. My bmi has always been overweight and I really struggle to reduce my weight even with running and pole dancing as a sport weekly. What depresses me the most is my weight because I feel that no one will love me if I'm fat, this is all because my crush when I was 13 said I was too fat to date and then I cried all the way home and starved my self for 3 weeks straight. I went vegan to lose weight, not really for the animals...
Ugh, I just feel so sad in my privileged life
You know what's annoying? I have SN with me but what's preventing me from taking it is simply my family's love for me. I remember when I first had my psychotic episode and she, my mom, took care of me. I remember when I told my parents I wanted to ctb and my dad wanted to drive over 200miles to see me immediately. All I can do is cry profusely because I know that I am loved, but it's just that I don't love myself
I feel so fat and ugly and stupid and worthless and just anything negative because my brain is broken. I'm so fuxking lonely, living alone is the most depressing thing. I also think I have an eating disorder because I eat the same vegan foods everyday until I get slim, then overeat snacks once I reach a certain weight point. My bmi has always been overweight and I really struggle to reduce my weight even with running and pole dancing as a sport weekly. What depresses me the most is my weight because I feel that no one will love me if I'm fat, this is all because my crush when I was 13 said I was too fat to date and then I cried all the way home and starved my self for 3 weeks straight. I went vegan to lose weight, not really for the animals...
Ugh, I just feel so sad in my privileged life
