bugs_for_brains
We can always regroup on the moon <3
- Mar 4, 2024
- 88
It's one of my biggest issues with my life. I don't understand why this happened to me.
I was very vocal about this since a super early age but my parents were convinced it was only because I knew my dad wanted a son. It wasn't. If that was it, the issue wouldn't have persisted long after I stopped giving a shit about my father. I wanted to transition when I was 11. I'd already largely gone through puberty and it was like nonstop torture for years but nobody listened to me. My family was very confusing, going from almost bragging about how supportive they'd be to being outwardly transphobic. They're much better now but it's too late. The damage has all been done, I will never get to grow up and develop my personality naturally as if I'd been born male. Everyone who knows me will always know me as female, my body will never look male. I'm so fucking mad.
I'm not even gonna bother transitioning. I've got a male haircut, wear mens clothing and most strangers assume I'm a guy anyway (even if they think I'm about 12-14) but to me, I look completely female. My family and anybody who has ever known me will always remember me being a girl. Maybe transitioning would be worth it if I had the ability to completely erase any previous memories anyone had of me but even then I probably wouldn't be satisfied.
On top of all that, people are so weird abt it and are often downright cruel. I'm too sensitive and can't cope with that. People already hate me, I can't afford to add to it.
It's been one of the contributors to my suicidality since childhood and it's not going anywhere no matter how hard I try to convince myself it will :/
I was very vocal about this since a super early age but my parents were convinced it was only because I knew my dad wanted a son. It wasn't. If that was it, the issue wouldn't have persisted long after I stopped giving a shit about my father. I wanted to transition when I was 11. I'd already largely gone through puberty and it was like nonstop torture for years but nobody listened to me. My family was very confusing, going from almost bragging about how supportive they'd be to being outwardly transphobic. They're much better now but it's too late. The damage has all been done, I will never get to grow up and develop my personality naturally as if I'd been born male. Everyone who knows me will always know me as female, my body will never look male. I'm so fucking mad.
I'm not even gonna bother transitioning. I've got a male haircut, wear mens clothing and most strangers assume I'm a guy anyway (even if they think I'm about 12-14) but to me, I look completely female. My family and anybody who has ever known me will always remember me being a girl. Maybe transitioning would be worth it if I had the ability to completely erase any previous memories anyone had of me but even then I probably wouldn't be satisfied.
On top of all that, people are so weird abt it and are often downright cruel. I'm too sensitive and can't cope with that. People already hate me, I can't afford to add to it.
It's been one of the contributors to my suicidality since childhood and it's not going anywhere no matter how hard I try to convince myself it will :/
oops
