bl33ding_heart
Borderline
- Jun 24, 2025
- 624
The only reason I'm still alive is because a small part of me has hope that things can get better for me, and potentially will if I try. But no matter how much I improve my life, I will always have bpd. I will always be at war with my mind and have to experience extreme emotional pain that my mental disorder curses me with. I've been trying to get better and work on myself for almost 4 years now. But no matter how hard I try I always end up back at square one. I always end up being that over emotional out of control maniac that hurts themselves and the people around them. I don't want to live a life where I'm in a never ending loop of trying to maintain some form of sanity. It's completely pointless and will only lead to me getting hurt more and more. I'm not that scared of death itself, but I am terrified of dying and wasting my potential. Wasting the good life I could have lived and not being able to become a better version of myself. I'm not entirely sure if there is hope for me or I'm just deluding myself at this point. But what I am sure of is that I'm tired of hurting so bad and I just really fucking want it to stop.
