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loggingin

loggingin

Member
May 26, 2025
33
i feel insulted by the forces of nature evolving pleasure mechanisms/incentives into me, existence is waving the pleasures in my face and saying "hehe, you want them dont you?" and im saying "yes" every day i dont kill myself. i feel so insulted with myself especially because i know existence is unethical and meaningless.

statistically speaking, for about 550 million years of active sentient evolution, most sentient creatures that came into existence died due to predation followed by parasitism. that means if you entertain the idea of reincarnation, youre getting eaten alive over and over again nonstop .

humans are on the top of the food chain yet we still suffer from the clash of subjective values. here are some subjective values that clash with other beings
subjective values of:
religion
-causes religious wars between groups
-kills people who fails to conform to its standards
beauty
-reinforces poor self esteem, suicide, bullying, and eugenics etc. the brains ability to say someone is a 9.9/10 means their brain is capable of finding immutable characteristics unfavorable/"flawed" which is a source of, or birth of conflict. look at how badly people treat each other once the score goes down even more.
social status
- reinforces feelings of worthlessness, if you are not a talented intellectual or an athlete or a hardworking skilled blue collar worker, you are made to feel worthless, and its not even necessarily your fault, maybe you are physically disabled , mentally stunted/disabled/challenged/unwell, or maybe you are just not interested in existence.
hunger
-consumption is violence , both direct and indirect , its directly violent if you eat animals (you exploit the life of an animal for your own hunger), it is indirectly violent when you eat vegetables, when you eat vegetables, you exploit the ecosystem (usually agricultural ecosystem) in which you get your vegetables/fruit, you kill insects and small rodents like mice and birds, and you may have to kill predators that like to eat fruits like bears, even if you kill the small insects and rodents, you effect the entire food web which causes death, so even if you are vegan, though veganism is more ethical than omnivorism/carnism you are still not ethical.
*some other examples of subjective values
-drunk driving : someone's value system judging that its okay for them to drive under the influence and put others lives at risk)
-workplace entitlement : if you're a skilled sushi chef that does a ton of tedious work, and your boss tells you to clean more shrimp, or isn't paying you enough, you can have a dispute that can end many relationships within the workplace, or end a husband and wife relationship if its a family business, on a large scale, business owners feel entitled to pollute the environment for their own gain (killing the future generations and their wellbeing(causing global warming)), or manipulate resources like water that effects others getting it.
-subjective morality: you can argue with people forever and you will reach a gray area in which you cant explain what's right or wrong. arguments over morality has also probably killed hundreds of millions of people throughout history. (example is politics, socialism vs capitalism vs marxism vs capitalism vs communism etc)

life is a bucket of crabs where the net suffering far exceeds net pleasure, and pleasure is only superficial and materialistic. even if you were at the top, all that means is that you are exploiting others, so can you be happy if you are at the top? especially if you know that your happiness is sustained by the weight of the pressure of the value systems crushing things beneath who cant reach a high enough standard?

when i die, permanent non existence would be the most ideal.
 
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A

anorexiakilledme

Member
Nov 26, 2025
25
Well said, I think life just is though. I completely see your point about the intense desire to be prodigious at something, anything, and most of us falling short from getting it. Life is only worth living for other people, their praise, their love, their respect, we live for others.

Those of us who can't communicate, who have a natural talent to scare people away and to blame ourselves for every little imperfection our life has, those of us with permanently flawed bodies and/or minds, can't have a life worth living.
 
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loggingin

loggingin

Member
May 26, 2025
33
Well said, I think life just is though. I completely see your point about the intense desire to be prodigious at something, anything, and most of us falling short from getting it. Life is only worth living for other people, their praise, their love, their respect, we live for others.

Those of us who can't communicate, who have a natural talent to scare people away and to blame ourselves for every little imperfection our life has, those of us with permanently flawed bodies and/or minds, can't have a life worth living.
i dont think any life is worth living, the top is sustained by the bottom , the whole system is a violent bloodbath
 
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OnMyLast Legs

OnMyLast Legs

Too many regrets
Oct 29, 2024
1,171
I'm having a lot of trouble with guts. First it was about hanging. Then I realized that would hurt too much. Now I'm thinking about a gun. But I can't imagine playing it cool in the store. My palms sweat all day like I'm on a high bridge or watching rock climbing videos. I smell bad! The stress is leaking out of my pores! What will bring relief?
 
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ireallywasnttogopls

ireallywasnttogopls

Member
Oct 8, 2023
42
I'm having a lot of trouble with guts. First it was about hanging. Then I realized that would hurt too much. Now I'm thinking about a gun. But I can't imagine playing it cool in the store. My palms sweat all day like I'm on a high bridge or watching rock climbing videos. I smell bad! The stress is leaking out of my pores! What will bring relief?
Hanging doesn't hurt if you do it correctly it's suppose to be euphoric and you lose consciousness within seconds

If you do it wrong it will hurt though and I am trying to research about it but people are being vague
 
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Tired_birth_1967

Student
Nov 1, 2023
107
Many of us have long since realized that the only good thing is death. We tend to associate the word with what happens while we are still alive (pain, suffering). Life is bad until the very last moment, despite enticing us with small pleasures that deceive most. And life is bad, even for those supposedly fortunate enough to have abundant health and money. Bullshit. They too are under the random and meaningless rules of the game. While there is life, there is pain. Death is the opposite. It represents good, purity, a perfect state, non-existence.
 
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itsgone2

-
Sep 21, 2025
1,249
Hanging doesn't hurt if you do it correctly it's suppose to be euphoric and you lose consciousness within seconds

If you do it wrong it will hurt though and I am trying to research about it but people are being vague
I'm not arguing just going to say I'm not sure there is a right or wrong. It can be painless from videos you find, clearly. But then you find great variety in how they do it.
It's frustrating. I think it's best to assume some pain but hope to get lucky.
What a stupid world this is. So many just do it and we have all these resources and can't get it done. SI is a factor but maybe we know too much.

And I'm also struggling with buying a gun. Just getting it is terrible how then to do the rest?
 
OnMyLast Legs

OnMyLast Legs

Too many regrets
Oct 29, 2024
1,171
I can't do it.

I'm not gonna ask to be banned. I might not even quit the board. I'll move to Recovery probably.

I just know I can't kill myself. Even if I had a gun. Having it in my mouth knowing eternity is a click away. I couldn't do it.

A lot of my stress recently was working myself up to kill myself. I thought the thought of suicide brought relief. It brought terror. It brought sweaty palms and stinking armpits all day. It prevented me from being mentally present.

Yes, I have a lot of regrets but they're just in my memory. No one is coming after me to make me suffer right now. I have housing. I have family who love me. I have friends. I will have to work soon, and it won't be glamorous, but all work has dignity.

I was in unbearable mental pain, but it wasn't all regret. Most of it was summoning the will to CTB. Suicidal thoughts ARE TRAUMA. They're not just a REACTION to trauma.

I have to let that go. One way or another, I have to live my life. Sure, I wish I'd become someone better. But the past doesn't change. I can not take my knowledge back in time to make another choice. If you could rewind the movie, it would be the same played forward.

I'm semi-young. I've lived 36 of what might be 108 years. Guys have run 3hr marathons in their 70s. I have a strong background in physical fitness. I'm still somewhat smart, no genius. I don't think I have much physical brain trouble besides caffeine and nicotine addiction. I have access to medical care.

I can still get education, socialize, maybe even find love and family. I doubt I'll go back to religion, but it's possible. If I stop beating myself up I think I'll find I have a lot of abilities left. I have to get treatment and try to preserve this state of mind.
 
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OnMyLast Legs

OnMyLast Legs

Too many regrets
Oct 29, 2024
1,171
Well, the epiphany lasted long enough for me to write that. Maybe it was just the easy way out of buying a gun today. I am in bad shape, people. I don't think I can function but I don't think I can run out back and hang myself either.
 
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