murderatruemorgue
Member
- Feb 17, 2024
- 43
My wife passed away six years ago. Despite her having congenital heart failure and multiple open heart surgeries and heart valve transplants throughout her life, we never really talked about what would happen if she passed away before me.
We always said we would go together in some car accident or tragedy. But always together. It would have been kinder.
It's been six years and I still miss her so goddamn much. I feel the pain in her my chest, the choking agony, and I just want it stop. I feel like half of me was ripped away and the wound won't heal. I've tried so hard to keep moving forward, to find reasons to keep getting out of bed even when waking feels like torment. Because when I wake up I remember.
I wish I had gone out right after she passed away. It would have saved me a lot of suffering and a lot of loss. I think it will be soon. A deep part of me knows I'll be my own end someday. I guess I wish these six years had mattered, but I honestly don't think they did.
I have a book that's meant to organize everything before your death. I guess I need to finish that as much as I need to and write letters. I don't think I have the strength left in me for anything else.
Seeing her fade from people's memories, how the world keeps turning after she passed like nothing happened. Losing more and more, seeing the whole goddamn world devolve and I'm both thankful she didn't have to witness it and anguished because I'm here alone. I just don't think I want to live in a world like this. Not without her.
I'm so tired.
We always said we would go together in some car accident or tragedy. But always together. It would have been kinder.
It's been six years and I still miss her so goddamn much. I feel the pain in her my chest, the choking agony, and I just want it stop. I feel like half of me was ripped away and the wound won't heal. I've tried so hard to keep moving forward, to find reasons to keep getting out of bed even when waking feels like torment. Because when I wake up I remember.
I wish I had gone out right after she passed away. It would have saved me a lot of suffering and a lot of loss. I think it will be soon. A deep part of me knows I'll be my own end someday. I guess I wish these six years had mattered, but I honestly don't think they did.
I have a book that's meant to organize everything before your death. I guess I need to finish that as much as I need to and write letters. I don't think I have the strength left in me for anything else.
Seeing her fade from people's memories, how the world keeps turning after she passed like nothing happened. Losing more and more, seeing the whole goddamn world devolve and I'm both thankful she didn't have to witness it and anguished because I'm here alone. I just don't think I want to live in a world like this. Not without her.
I'm so tired.
