Venting I wish I didn’t have to die but I have to do it

[TiredTurtle]

I really wish that I didn't have to die, I have tried everything I possibly can for years and reached out for help in every way possible and been treated with nothing but abuse and neglect by those who were trusted to help me.

The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm trying a few more last ditch attempts to salvage what little is left of my life as I prepare to ctb.

If these last attempts fail then I can die knowing I tried absolutely everything possible in my power to keep going but I think deep down I know recovery is nothing but a fantasy but I still have to try and fight for that 1% chance.

I'm ashamed to still be alive and still searching for the right method here, I feel as though I should have died months ago.

 

[Unknown21]

Me too, I like some aspects of life but it's not worth suffering all this. I think I don't have a chance, it's just a matter of time.

 

[Traveller12724]

I really wish that I didn't have to die, I have tried everything I possibly can for years and reached out for help in every way possible and been treated with nothing but abuse and neglect by those who were trusted to help me.

The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm trying a few more last ditch attempts to salvage what little is left of my life as I prepare to ctb.

If these last attempts fail then I can die knowing I tried absolutely everything possible in my power to keep going but I think deep down I know recovery is nothing but a fantasy but I still have to try and fight for that 1% chance.

I'm ashamed to still be alive and still searching for the right method here, I feel as though I should have died months ago.

I am sorry you find yourself on these shores my friend, I have to die too even though I don't want to so I feel your pain, I understand. Don't be ashamed, you tried to give yourself a chance, you left no stone unturned, you should hold your head high and be proud of the effort you put in to try and save yourself. It may not have worked but at least you put up a fight, best of luck to you my friend!!

 

[Dayrain]

I'm ashamed to still be alive

Yes, every new day alive feels like a statement "pro life" which I didn't want to make.

I am sorry you find yourself on these shores my friend

Nice adaptation of the language to the username of OP.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Yes, every new day alive feels like a statement "pro life" which I didn't want to make.

I Agree.
Also If I partake in any of their activities

 

[Dayrain]

I understand, but it hasn't to be "their" activities. It can be any activity. What I meant was is that simply to exist feels like a "vote" for life to me and that feels disgusting.

Also If I partake in any of their activities

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I understand, but it hasn't to be "their" activities. It can be any activity. What I meant was is that simply to exist feels like a "vote" for life to me and that feels disgusting.

Yeah me too. Imo all activities are theirs except for my goals which is suicide asap. Of course I have to do a lot of things like eat sleep chores work but that's only cause I haven't killed myself yet. I hate doing all that garbage

 

[Daryl72]

I am sorry you find yourself on these shores my friend, I have to die too even though I don't want to so I feel your pain, I understand. Don't be ashamed, you tried to give yourself a chance, you left no stone unturned, you should hold your head high and be proud of the effort you put in to try and save yourself. It may not have worked but at least you put up a fight, best of luck to you my friend!!

This is how I feel as well. I've given all the fight I can, and now I have no choice. As long as I can find a way,.I'm more than ready to exit this cruel world.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

I realized too little too late what I had to lose. Fought like hell but could no longer fix it. Can't live with either the guilt, regret or consequences.

 

[Coffeandamug]

Me too, I like some aspects of life but it's not worth suffering all this. I think I don't have a chance, it's just a matter of time.

Feel the same way. There are things that I like in life but what is causing my suffering has no cure and I can't take it anymore

 

[Daryl72]

Feel the same way. There are things that I like in life but what is causing my suffering has no cure and I can't take it anymore

Same here, simply can't take it anymore. The emotional and mental torture has become far more than I can handle. I've reached out to all the services I can, but with the level of severe metal illness I'm dealing with, I don't see any way out except death.