Venting I wish I could've just told someone

[sillyboy98]

I've been depressed and suicidal since I was about 12. Hell, I did some things that, looking back, were clearly self harm when I was like 8. But somehow, talking about it has been so difficult. It took me to age 22 to get into therapy (and even then I lied by saying I was just having sleeping problems). My parents don't know, my friends (if I can even call them that at this point) dont know, my coworkers don't know.

What if I could tell them I'm struggling? Hell, every day I wish I just had the guts to tell my mom how I'm actually feeling. How lonely I am. How difficult even te smallest things in life are.

What if I had told my parents? All those years ago? That I was feeling so bad, so empty, so alone, like such a failure. Maybe they could've helped. Maybe, just maybe, I'd have had a chance to have a bit of happiness. Too late now I guess, oh well...

 

[thecel]

I wish I could've told someone too

 

[WitheredHeights]

Do you honestly think it would've changed anything if you had told them? Would your words have been enough to stir forth the ancient memory of compassion?

 

[cazza82]

I've been depressed and suicidal since I was about 12. Hell, I did some things that, looking back, were clearly self harm when I was like 8. But somehow, talking about it has been so difficult. It took me to age 22 to get into therapy (and even then I lied by saying I was just having sleeping problems). My parents don't know, my friends (if I can even call them that at this point) dont know, my coworkers don't know.

What if I could tell them I'm struggling? Hell, every day I wish I just had the guts to tell my mom how I'm actually feeling. How lonely I am. How difficult even te smallest things in life are.

What if I had told my parents? All those years ago? That I was feeling so bad, so empty, so alone, like such a failure. Maybe they could've helped. Maybe, just maybe, I'd have had a chance to have a bit of happiness. Too late now I guess, oh well...

I told my therapist last week she's the only person I've ever told and it helped me I still have those thoughts but I also want to go see her every week

 

[SVEN]

I hope coming here and being able to safely vent with others who feel similarly may be of some comfort and relief for you.

 

[Edu Ardanuy]

I've been depressed and suicidal since I was about 12. Hell, I did some things that, looking back, were clearly self harm when I was like 8. But somehow, talking about it has been so difficult. It took me to age 22 to get into therapy (and even then I lied by saying I was just having sleeping problems). My parents don't know, my friends (if I can even call them that at this point) dont know, my coworkers don't know.

What if I could tell them I'm struggling? Hell, every day I wish I just had the guts to tell my mom how I'm actually feeling. How lonely I am. How difficult even te smallest things in life are.

What if I had told my parents? All those years ago? That I was feeling so bad, so empty, so alone, like such a failure. Maybe they could've helped. Maybe, just maybe, I'd have had a chance to have a bit of happiness. Too late now I guess, oh well...

I don't know, as for myself, I told my mum I was having suicidal thoughts, she looked surprised and just said 'get this thoughts out of your head!'
I'm afraid not everyone takes it seriously to the point of really getting worried and doing something about it. Hope that's not your case, though.

 

[azoidant]

When I first began developing suicidal ideation, I told many people—often and loudly. I made a whole lot of transparent "jokes" about wanting to kill myself. I received nothing but reprimands of "You shouldn't joke about that!!" even from people who loved me. It's not that nobody stopped to question why an eleven year-old was constantly bringing up suicide; it's that everyone knew, but didn't want to deal with it.

In my experience, whether you express your feelings or hold them in changes nothing. Others will always be too preoccupied with their own problems to spare a moment for yours.

 

[Forever Sleep]

If your parents are the supportive type, I think you could still tell them. Maybe not everything but, simply that you're struggling. If you think they might support you more and, that might help.

We can't change the past. Maybe it would have helped but, that's gone now. All we've got is now and the future. If you'd like more support from them now, why not try to talk to them? Really though, only you can judge their reaction. Are they usually patient and sympathetic?

 

[Unknown21]

The sad thing is that I have told them countless times and no one cares, or no one can help in other words.