Venting I wish I could talk about suicide

[jojobanana]

I have wanted to die for as long as I can remember. It's never been a feeling or thought that has left my mind. Even when I'm genuinely happy, I think about when things will end. I'm 23 now and I never imagined myself being this age.Every year I hope this is my last year. I don't think i'm supposed to be alive, I feel so disconnected from everyone, I hate leaving my house (even though I do out of obligation). I have tried to CBT before but I didn't know how, I don't know how even now. I know I dont want to die a violent death. but there aren't many options where i live because everything is made illegal. You will likely be hospitalised and shamed for expressing your will to die here. Nobody actually cares if you want to die here, truly all they care about is how it would make others feel. I only have one session left of my therapy sessions (out of 16 that I was allowed on the NHS) and i've been careful not to mention once that if given the opportunity i most certainly would choose to die because the consequences are worse than dying, being hospitalised but always still wanting to die. i hope i will find kind and likeminded people here that i can talk to about this openly and i hope soon i'll be able to act on this that i have always wanted to do or move to a county that respects my freedom to choose for myself. The pain is so unbearable and physical just because you cannot see it and you cannot cure it.

 

[anastenka]

The NHS fails in psychiatric care, I'm sorry it has come to this<3

 

[jojobanana]

The NHS fails in psychiatric care, I'm sorry it has come to this<3

tbh maybe it's fit for purpose for some people but for me it's all i want. i think knowing when my day will come will be the happiest day of my life lol

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly despise how we exist in such an anti-suicide society, the fact that there is no acceptance towards suicide truly does lead to way more suffering. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for, best wishes.

 

[jojobanana]

I certainly despise how we exist in such an anti-suicide society, the fact that there is no acceptance towards suicide truly does lead to way more suffering. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for, best wishes.

I agree %1000. I feel like it's so counterintuitive and patronising. I've worked in mental health myself and I understand more than anyone how it feels to be in that position. anyone that really cares and understands this position would know that giving people a safe option is the compassionate care that they need. I've been able to support people like me and i have all the skills to "cope" with my situation. And honestly the skills they teach you really boil down to just 'getting over it'. I've tried everything medication therapy i have amazing people around me and i'm getting on in my career. i'm taking care of myself but i feel ashamed to say i just want to die. mental health is a farce in this country and trying to find resources online and only getting self help and samaritans(tried this too it was shit) is such a gut punch. i don't want to be alive and i just want to be believed

 

[halleyscomet]

You can talk about suicide and you absolutely should.

Even though it is very much against social norms, you should not have to lie your way into a life accepted by others.

Fuck societal norms. Talk about suicide. Live as your authentic self.

We need more honest and people brave enough to talk about suicide in our society.

 

[UKscotty]

Suicide is so unnatural though, I can't ever see it being openly discussed.

Unless someone is also as ill as us, they could never understand a mind that wants to kill itself.

 

[ringo99]

The lack of even basic mental health facilities in my country, the fact that suicide is still a criminal offence that can land a person who fails an attempt in prison (lol) and my family's appalling reaction to my opening up to them is why I turned to SaSu. I feel safe expressing my thoughts about ctb here. I'm sorry for what you have to go through. Venting here to people who feel the same way I do helps quite a bit and keeps me from slipping over the edge into insanity. I'm definitely going to ctb though. There's nothing in my future except poverty, loneliness and homelessness