Venting I Will Never Have Friends: Therefore, I Cannot Live

[spicyfriedtofu]

So if you want to end your life because of loneliness, there are two ways to approach that issue. Either you make friends or you kill yourself. Now, how do you make friends if (1) your criteria for friends – e.g. shared interests and outlook on life, being ok with socially awkward people without friends, actually open to new friends, and live in the same city – are such that there are very few people that fulfill them, and (2) you very rarely meet people because you have no friends and are depressed?

It can be suggested that the best way is to join a type of club for the interests you have, but for me, the major problem with that is that these clubs almost never include people that I actually want to get to know, mostly because they are of a totally different age. (This is probably connected to the fact that I would never join a club if I did have friends.)

Another good suggestion might be to meet people over the internet. I have done that through dating sites, although as I – to be honest – do not want anything serious and have not been stating that explicitly, last time I lost that friend because she wanted more. It seems to me that if you are explicitly looking for friends, no one else are, as almost everyone already has their network of friends. It is generally only for a partner people search.

What about other websites, then? Today, there are none. There used to be forums that were popular, but all social interaction on internet have now shifted to Facebook and Instagram, two social medias that are fundamentally based around networks of friends. (This is why I removed my Facebook – I had no use for it.)

So, as I do not value social interaction that I do not like over no social interaction at all, I can conclude that there are no ways for me to make friends. If I try, that will only make me more sad because I will continue to fail. That means I will be sad in both cases: trying to make friends and not trying to make friends. And as I do not want to live a life of pain, it must be a rational choice to end it.

TLDR: No friends. Can't make friends cause no friends (or convince me I can). Suicide only way out. Boo-hoo, boo-hoo.

 

[Othermind]

Listen, I'd try to reason with you, however you seem to be in too dark a place for me to reach you, so I suggest you seek professional help.
But please hear me out 'cause I speak from experience, this kind of catastrophist thinking (I will NEVER have friends) can lead you to make bad mistakes that will haunt you and eat you alive for years, so please try to get rid of it. I mean it.

 

[Minudah]

Listen, I'd try to reason with you, however you seem to be in too dark a place for me to reach you, so I suggest you seek professional help.
But please hear me out 'cause I speak from experience, this kind of catastrophist thinking (I will NEVER have friends) can lead you to make bad mistakes that will haunt you and eat you alive for years, so please try to get rid of it. I mean it.

Why would an adult make friends? Everyone is out to hurt everyone else. "Friendship" is a to harm gullible lab rats

 

[Othermind]

Why would an adult make friends? Everyone is out to hurt everyone else. "Friendship" is a to harm gullible lab rats

All I can do is offer you the same advice as OP.
I'm sorry you feel like this/you were made to feel like this.

 

[spicyfriedtofu]

This is more of a practical question than being in a dark place, to be honest. Of course there is a possibility to make friends, but in this situation, the likelihood is minuscule and the efforts are huge.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

So if you want to end your life because of loneliness, there are two ways to approach that issue.

I wish I could give you one of those lifting-off-the-ground-legs-swinging bear hugs you see in the movies. Thanks for validating feelings I've had since forever. The advice you read in countless anti-loneliness articles is to go out there and ... make friends. I tried that for many years. I sought out countless therapists' help, following their advice like school homework. I even spent lots of money on professional social networking club memberships. No avail. There was a large research study published around 2010 (I wish I'd kept the link...) assessing the effectiveness of many of these high cost social clubs. The researchers found that programs' effectiveness was predicted at the outset by relatively immutable characteristics of participants--in other words, some people had the right characteristics to attract others and any "improvements" made huge differences, but most people didn't have these characteristics and so "improvements" or advice weren't (significantly) effective.

Some of us are just not popular and, even trying experts' advice, won't become popular enough to sufficiently counter loneliness. And as you might be saying (hope I haven't misinterpreted), those you feel meet your baseline friendship criteria may just not be interested in you. I think that's related to the preceding--being magnetic enough to attract a large enough pool of others from among whom to choose...

What's your experience been among other suicidal people? I've been joining suicide/depression groups since I was in college. I found there are always those others want to be around (despite their suicidality, they're attractive in ways that matter to most others), and then there are people like me who repel others viscerally. Maybe we're just too depressed or too constantly dark. But feigning a different worldview can be exhausting to us. Your experience?

Hope you find something that works for you soon. I agree that if loneliness is at the core of your depression, either you have to find a way to satisfy the need for quality companionship or... Best of luck to you.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

This is more of a practical question than being in a dark place, to be honest. Of course there is a possibility to make friends, but in this situation, the likelihood is minuscule and the efforts are huge.

Agreed. The efforts AND potential costs are huge. And when something catastrophic happens to you, all of a sudden the people who were stridently offering you advice disappear. Or worse, they come back with, "You're an adult. You're responsible for yourself!"