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unabletocope

Arcanist
Mar 13, 2024
414
I an commiting myself to death hy August 2024. I want to die, I am prepared to die and I am prepared to put the work in to die by August, I will get SN by then and I will hit a breaking point
 
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VentingMachine4224

VentingMachine4224

Why do I do what I did do?
Dec 22, 2023
1,828
I know August is still little ways out but I wish you the eternal peace you deserve from anymore distresses again once your due date or readiness hitsšŸ©·

To be able to have eternal freedom from any further future pains/sorrows would without shadows doubt be ultimate paradise forever.
 
U

unabletocope

Arcanist
Mar 13, 2024
414
I know August is still little ways out but I wish you the eternal peace you deserve from anymore distresses again once your due date or readiness hitsšŸ©·

To be able to have eternal freedom from any further future pains/sorrows would without shadows doubt be ultimate paradise forever.
Thank you.
 
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ForgottenTomb

ForgottenTomb

Member
May 26, 2023
72
I've read your posts and it seems like you've had a gruelling, lonely life. Know that you were always worthy of love and that you can turn things around at any moment and receive the love from your surroundings like you deserve. I cannot imagine the pain of being suicidal for 10 years, it sounds like you did your best to hold out for as long as you could. May you find the peace you've longed for.
 
U

unabletocope

Arcanist
Mar 13, 2024
414
I've read your posts and it seems like you've had a gruelling, lonely life. Know that you were always worthy of love and that you can turn things around at any moment and receive the love from your surroundings like you deserve. I cannot imagine the pain of being suicidal for 10 years, it sounds like you did your best to hold out for as long as you could. May you find the peace you've longed for.
I'm unstable and a nervous wreck, my life is like a never ending panic attack, one thing I've learned is that through it all no one was ever there for me, no one was ever my friend. Thank you for your empathy, I can't stop crying and suffering and I feel like I could wet myself from the sheer panic, I fear homelessness and death every day all the time but I'm open to a painless suicide, anything to end this nightmare of a life
 
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iloverachel

Mage
Mar 7, 2024
591
Good luck friend. I understand and can relate to life being a never ending panic attack. Its truly awful
 
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iloverachel

Mage
Mar 7, 2024
591
That's what it feels like. Can't relax.
It is terrible. Even when I am at home I get panic attacks too. My brain goes into overdrive just worrying about everything about life and the future and the past

Constant torture by your own mind. And add on top of anxiety, crippling depression and life truly is awful
 
Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

Tormented day and night forever and ever
Apr 17, 2023
2,559
It is terrible. Even when I am at home I get panic attacks too. My brain goes into overdrive just worrying about everything about life and the future and the past

Constant torture by your own mind. And add on top of anxiety, crippling depression and life truly is awful
Do you have PTSD? How are people like us able to ctb? Our anxiety is too high.
Its hell isn't it? I feel so much for you, I have people who I would wish this feeling on but not you, I hope you can overcome it into some kind of peace and strength and all those cliche positive words, thumbs up to you
I've tried meditating. Focusing on how each part of the body feels while my eyes are closed helps relax me...for just a few minutes.
 
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iloverachel

Mage
Mar 7, 2024
591
Do you have PTSD? How are people like us able to ctb? Our anxiety is too high.
Yeah i do but it is not as serious as my anxiety and depression.

I really don't know its tough to CTB with anxiety I agreed. The constant fear things will fail and you end up worse.

So instead i just suffer in this world for decades
 
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Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

Tormented day and night forever and ever
Apr 17, 2023
2,559
Yeah i do but it is not as serious as my anxiety and depression.

I really don't know its tough to CTB with anxiety I agreed. The constant fear things will fail and you end up worse.

So instead i just suffer in this world for decades
I plan to jump eventually. The bridges I have in mind have had many successful deaths so I'm not concerned with failing. I'm concerned with willing myself over the railing. I stood at the Golden gate bridge yrs ago (not to die) and I noticed I felt paralyzed when I considered jumping. I fear that will happen again. Jumping feels so unnatural like breaking the rules in a Sims game.

I suffer endlessly too. I'm curious how many others I encounter in public share this experience.
 
tbo

tbo

Member
Apr 3, 2024
30
I can only imagine what you have been through and still going through. I really really hope you find your peace and healing. Lots of love.
 
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U

unabletocope

Arcanist
Mar 13, 2024
414
For what it's worth- not a big Elton John fan but I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues is hitting me quite hard at the moment. Thank you for the messages
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

She wished that she never existed...
Sep 24, 2020
33,942
I hope that you find the freedom you search for, best wishes.
 
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S

sukiduki

Member
Mar 24, 2024
51
I hope you find your peace. I wish my day could come sooner but I haven't been able to source everything for all my ctb methods/options yet.
 
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