Discussion I went to the psych ward

[BlueberryBlue]

Hey there SaSu! I just got back from my trip to the psych ward after a rather impulsive attempt to ctb. Here's how my visit went:

I came downstairs at around 10ish pm on the 8th and tell my mom about what I did and ask her to take me to the er since I can't stop throwing up when I drink water. Both my parents take me to er #1. They take all my clothes, my shoes, anything I can hurt myself with, all that fun stuff. They get me at least stable enough to transport me to the hospital. This hospital has a psych ward in it, and I just turned 18 in June, so I'm able to be admitted there.

But first they take 2 days to make sure my kidneys are fine, draw my blood at least 4 times through the IV and maybe 4 more through my other arm, leaving me bruised af. I'm watched by at least 5 separate people to make sure I don't kms again, bags in the room are paper, I get the safety trays for meals, no metal, etc. Weirdly enough they let me keep my phone and cord until I had to be transported down into the psych unit, yay.

So I'm already sick of being in the hospital when I'm being wheeled downstairs. I didn't get a choice in whether or not I was admitted. I didn't want to get 302ed (a legal process that is basically saying the doctor wont let you leave against medical advice), so I kind of just went with their suggestion, figuring that I would just go for a little bit. Meds weren't working and they could change them fast there.

I got a chance to pack a quick bag before I was taken to the er, so unlike a lot of new patients there, I was able to get my clothes on basically immediately. I've been through this all twice before, I generally know what I can and can't pack. They didn't let in my hoodie though weirdly enough, they didn't have strings on them. This hospital must have had something specific against hoodies I guess. So here I am, in the adult unit for the first time in my life, scared shitless. The first thing I did was grab a blanket and rip the thread with my teeth and begin to fashion a rope out of it, but it was too loud and I was too scared I'd be caught.

The schedule went like this.

7:00-7:30: morning vitals
8:00-8:30: breakfast
8:30-9:00: morning meeting and stretches
9:00-10:30: occupational therapy (just painting wood/coloring/other artsy stuff)
10:30-11:30: morning group
11:30-12:30: lunch
12:30-1:00: break
1:00-2:00: group (typically a "fun" one, mainly just free time activities but with other people. So board games, reading, puzzles, but you have to do it in the lounge area where we eat)
2:00-3:00: art group (like OT, but only coloring/paper stuff. The nurse was weird and wouldn't let us do OT stuff in art group)
3:00-4:00: quiet time
4:00-4:30: evening vitals
4:30-5:00: dinner
6:00-7:00: visiting hour
8:00: snack
11:00: room time

Honestly, the days didn't change too much from this schedule. Lots of 3 day visitors, folks who signed their 72-hour notice on day one. They wouldn't give me a clear timeline on when I would be released, so I 72ed myself on day 9. I think that they would have kept me longer though, but I suppose I wasn't worth the trouble of petitioning the court to make me stay lol.

Anyways, questions are absolutely welcome, this post isn't to either condemn nor promote mental health facilities, just to spread how it was like :)

Also if this isn't the right place to post this pls lmk I was going back and forth putting it here and in recovery.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I hope your prison stay wasn't too bad.

 

[underscore_nine]

very interesting post! mind if i ask the legal manner in which it was to keep you there? I'm going to CTB soon and if i get caught i want to know what id need to do to get out ASAP and if i could keep it from people irl (school, friends etc.) Is it possible to legally strong arm the facility to let you leave? When gone/released can people find out why i would have been gone? Thanks :)

 

[annointed_towers]

I weirdly enjoyed my stay in a psych ward. Met a lot of friends and had good food. Enjoyed the groups. Didn't help me at all, but I didn't hate the experience.

 

[BlueberryBlue]

very interesting post! mind if i ask the legal manner in which it was to keep you there? I'm going to CTB soon and if i get caught i want to know what id need to do to get out ASAP and if i could keep it from people irl (school, friends etc.) Is it possible to legally strong arm the facility to let you leave? When gone/released can people find out why i would have been gone? Thanks :)

So legally I was able to leave whenever I wanted-- sorta? I came in sorta willingly, by that I mean they didn't have to get doctors and petition the court to force me to stay which is called a 302. If you're planning on ctb after you leave the facility, you kind of have to fake getting better before you can put in your 72-hour notice or else they'll 302 you (unless you rescind your notice which means you take it back, but you can put it back out again whenever you want.)

So basically yeah, the facility HAS to let you out if you sign your notice UNLESS they feel you're an immediate danger to yourself or anyone else. I would recommend going at first as shitty as it sounds, as if you're in the er they're definitely going to see you as a risk.

In the one I stayed at, they couldn't even acknowledge you were there if someone called and didnt have your security code due to hipaa. But no, nobody can call the hospital and ask if you're there or why you're there unless you tell someone else.

 

[LetMeBeSad]

I am currently in a psych ward. I said goodbye to one person that I thought would not call the police on me. She's been great but, she loves me. So she called the cops. I'll spare you the story but, I was forced into the hospital.

I actually don't mind it too much. There are some very frustrating moments but, watching the chaplain lead a group while we (my fellow inmates and I), picked at her religious beliefs was priceless. So there's fun to be had too.

It's a very loose ward though. I have all sorts of drawstrings, a 3 and a half foot charging cord, and my roommate has his too. I even get half an hour out 4 times a day. There's a parking garage that's 7 stories high that is completely open and begging to be used by a jumper with no other options. They even left 2 big plastic garbage bags in my room.

I'm not the kind that's going to do it here in a ward but, I did give it serious thought when we had police here watching a prisoner. I walked out of my room after a nightmare at 230am. Both cops were sound asleep and the one had his service pistol wedged away from his leg by the arm of the chair he was in. It would have been so easy to pop the button and unholster his gun. He wouldn't even have opened his eyes in time to see me blow my brains out all over the ward.

Too many people would be even more traumatized. The people in here with me are like you and me. They're my peoples.
And I don't want to cause more hurt on them. Also, I've done the firearm thing and cannot pull the trigger. So there's that too.

It's a big fucking joke here though. I'm in a prison of triggers lol.

 

[BlueberryBlue]

Interesting post. So they didn't manage to indoctrinate you into never trying to kill yourself again then? I'm assuming there were lots of meetings with psychiatrists?

Oh and as it's the done thing on here I should probably also say that at 18 you're so young to be suicidal and can't you try and live a happy life? In all seriousness though it's saddening so many people your age found this place.

Haha, no, once the high of being alive and out wears off/meds stop working I'm out again. I didn't tell them the method I planned initially, so I very much still have access to it whenever I decide to ctb again. Lots of meetings with nurses and doctors every day, taking the place of a psychiatrist just in name, they do the same thing :)

Ah, thank you for your words of encouragement as well, but I don't want any part of adult life, especially if these are supposed to be my most carefree years. It's been maybe 11 years, even my therapist said my depression/suicidality was severe and chronic, so I don't have any hope of it leaving soon.

I am currently in a psych ward. I said goodbye to one person that I thought would not call the police on me. She's been great but, she loves me. So she called the cops. I'll spare you the story but, I was forced into the hospital.

I actually don't mind it too much. There are some very frustrating moments but, watching the chaplain lead a group while we (my fellow inmates and I), picked at her religious beliefs was priceless. So there's fun to be had too.

It's a very loose ward though. I have all sorts of drawstrings, a 3 and a half foot charging cord, and my roommate has his too. I even get half an hour out 4 times a day. There's a parking garage that's 7 stories high that is completely open and begging to be used by a jumper with no other options. They even left 2 big plastic garbage bags in my room.

I'm not the kind that's going to do it here in a ward but, I did give it serious thought when we had police here watching a prisoner. I walked out of my room after a nightmare at 230am. Both cops were sound asleep and the one had his service pistol wedged away from his leg by the arm of the chair he was in. It would have been so easy to pop the button and unholster his gun. He wouldn't even have opened his eyes in time to see me blow my brains out all over the ward.

Too many people would be even more traumatized. The people in here with me are like you and me. They're my peoples.
And I don't want to cause more hurt on them. Also, I've done the firearm thing and cannot pull the trigger. So there's that too.

It's a big fucking joke here though. I'm in a prison of triggers lol.

Omg I didn't get to be there when this happened, but some nurses said that there was a nun that occasionally runs groups. I wonder why religion seems like a good idea in a group of people who are barely hanging on by a thread. There were at least 2 nurses while I was in the er that told me 'God loves you, don't kill yourself' and I was even told that God didn't want me to die because I didn't die, so there's that.

But like, your ward just sounds like a holding place for the mentally ill, like they don't care if you die or not. Like they're just there to legally cover their asses lol. Wish I had my phone when I was in there, our valuables were all locked up.

Hope you get out soon fr fr