Story I went on a date

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Thank you for the advice. I will admit, every time I've ever dated or was interested in someone I would text them every day and sometimes multiple times a day and I would almost always be the one initiating it. I did initiate some physical contact on that date but it wasn't reciprocated.

But thinking about all this stuff is exhausting and frustrating. I guess I can't just be myself if I want to date. I wonder if I'll ever find anyone that actually wants to be with me. I feel like all this thought and effort is becoming someone they want to be with instead.

You had three dates with this person.

She saw something in you.

To be clear, there is very little in the world of dating that is plainly "right" or plainly "wrong." It's more a matter of "best practices" and maximizing the odds of igniting the spark, but even then, if you talk to 10 different people, you might get 10 different ideas of what construes as "best practices."

For instance, if you're on a date with somebody who's very slow to warm up to other people, then a minimal physicality early on might be to your benefit as well as theirs. And if it's somebody who's socially anxious or just a bad texter, then maybe it's for the better to text them more.

Whether you're texting somebody or actually out on a date, all you can do is try to read the vibe, read the energy, and proceed accordingly. The more people you talk to, the more people you text with, the more dates you have, the better you're going to get at doing this.

I know the frustration and how easy it is to fall into traps of overthinking, so I want to say: If you catch yourself thinking about this in a way where you're trying to account for every possible scenario or trying to read the other person's mind, or if you're thinking about "how the other person might want you to act," stop yourself right there. Those are some big-time traps you want to stay away from. I know how easy it is to fall into those traps. As soon as you notice it happening, get right out of them.

You said, "I guess I can't just be myself if I want to date." Yes, you can!! I would look at it as if you're trying to be the best version of yourself. You don't want to compromise who you are for the sake of the other person -- that's one of those traps of overthinking. Any time a thought like that pops into your head, stop yourself and redirect your energy into being the best version of yourself.

With your situation here that you've told us, I'm thinking: Focus on the fact that you had three dates. Not one, not two, but three. Yes, it fizzled, but that happens. A lot. To everybody!! But something was going right, and that is what you can build upon from here.

And speaking of vibes, the vibe I'm getting from you is that you definitely have this in you, and I do believe you'll see success -- probably sooner than later -- if you keep at it.