Venting I was stupid and asked for help

[undecidedfool]

I reached out for help again instead of sticking with my plan. I feel so fucking stupid. I could've ctb tomorrow and instead I'm going to a psychiatric urgent care with my partner in the morning. I fucking hate that I'm a coward. I could've left so easily in the morning to complete everything. Now I'm going to have to call my boss and hope I don't lose my job over this, because if I'm not going to ctb I still need to pay for shit. I fucking hate that I'm a coward who can't follow through, no matter how many times I've gotten to this point. Sorry this post is repetitive and stupid and could've been avoided if I wasn't like this. Sorry to even make you read it.
God I'm fucking pathetic.

 

[Fadenself00_]

this is very normal, no need to apologize. Survival instinct is hard-wired into our brains

 

[StryngerX]

Think about it, youre not a coward, trying to get better its hard, way harder than ctb, it needs courage to do this. Hope you can see that and get through this.

 

[knowledgeseeking]

You are not a coward. You are about to go down a scary and uncomfortable path, and I can understand why you feel regret.

Since you are already on that path, try and make the most of it. You never know, in the end this might be the best thing to ever happen to you.

Wishing you the best on your journey.

 

[metfan647]

Don't beat yourself up. This is a really hard decision.

 

[SB3]

As others have said, don't beat yourself up over it. Everything you're doing is hard, both paths. And as I've seen people say in other posts, the options don't disappear. Psychiatric treatment is temporary, and you still have a choice days, months or years from now. Sending you strength

 

[JassieDusk]

Me and many more people have been in your position before. I've gone through more than 15 involuntary hospitalizations because of survival instincts but in the end, you always have a choice. Maybe this occasion will change your mind and you'll be glad to have stayed a little longer and if not, you'll always have the choice to ctb even if your plans seem "ruined" right now