Venting I was once a person who just didn’t get it, now I do.

[traingirl]

I was once a person who couldn't understand what drove someone to suicide. I knew my mom was in pain but I didn't know why her family wasn't enough for her to go on. Now that I'm in the same boat as her, I see things different. I'm sure she never wanted to hurt me and never wanted it as an option, just the same way I feel now. I cry all the time knowing I never want to hurt my family but my situation is so difficult that I've tried everything and I might just have to. Similar medicines we were on. Similar side effects. Similar suffering being on and off them. I heard a story of a young girl that took her family's gun and killed herself due to heartbreak over a boyfriend and I feel sad because things could've gotten better for her but also it's crazy to me that she was going through so much less than me and still had more guts than I do. I do think there's been times in moments of heated emotion that if I would've had my gun, it probably would've been over for me but it's still over at my friends house. I might go pick it up again soon.

 

[GoSan1]

The thing about people's drives is they vary, and no one can judge them on what reason is "less" than others to end their own lives. I know you didn't mean it in a bad way, but people treat different situations differently than others, and for her, he may have been the only true angel for her. To understand those reasons, one has to go through them as well or understand the concept that every human is different and perceives things differently.

I am sorry to hear that the same fate that has haunted your mother has now caught up to you. Life on here just isnt fair.
I pray for you and the poor girl.

 

[traingirl]

The thing about people's drives is they vary, and no one can judge them on what reason is "less" than others to end their own lives. I know you didn't mean it in a bad way, but people treat different situations differently than others, and for her, he may have been the only true angel for her. To understand those reasons, one has to go through them as well or understand the concept that every human is different and perceives things differently.

I am sorry to hear that the same fate that has haunted your mother has now caught up to you. Life on here just isnt fair.
I pray for you and the poor girl.

I get that. That probably seemed cruel to say and I apologize. Thank you.

 

[GoSan1]

I get that. That probably seemed cruel to say and I apologize. Thank you.

Not cruel, I get your point. Some gain courage so easily, while others are in limbo.

My mother and little brother are holding me back, but I know that if this continues, and they grow older, I probably will succumb to this fate.
Just hoping it isn't a one-way ticket to hell...

 

[chaewon]

Not cruel, I get your point. Some gain courage so easily, while others are in limbo.

My mother and little brother are holding me back, but I know that if this continues, and they grow older, I probably will succumb to this fate.
Just hoping it isn't a one-way ticket to hell...

I used to be scared of going to hell if I suicided when I was around 13/14 and its kept me away and made me shut off the thoughts whenever they came until im 19 and thought about it and if god is real then he probably would judge based everyone's situation and reasoning and conditions. In my religion we are told that u do not go to hell if u suicide due to ur mental illness, and most people think depression is just being sad and dont realise that it can be a genetic chronic Mental disease for others.

 

[Dejected 55]

I was sort of the opposite when I was younger. Had lots of boughts of depression... but never was suicidal. I knew a few people over the years who did commit suicide, and then countless others you hear about on the news... and I always thought... I wonder why I was different and not contemplating suicide, when I know based on their stories that I've been very depressed and felt as sad about my problems as they seem to have felt about theirs... and I definitely wasn't hopeful or optimistic about the future... so what made me not even think of trying?

Then a couple of years ago things started falling apart for me... and I started realizing I wanted to be gone... and I still can't say for sure what is different now vs when I was younger experiencing similar things... except, I do have a sense of my time being limited even in the best of circumstances, and the "why am I trying?" part of me is louder than it used to be... hence my actual attempt last year and the hopes for another.

So, I never understood why other people did it before... but not because I didn't understand their pain. IT was more, I think, that I didn't understand why I didn't want to do the same thing myself.

 

[GoSan1]

I used to be scared of going to hell if I suicided when I was around 13/14 and its kept me away and made me shut off the thoughts whenever they came until im 19 and thought about it and if god is real then he probably would judge based everyone's situation and reasoning and conditions. In my religion we are told that u do not go to hell if u suicide due to ur mental illness, and most people think depression is just being sad and dont realise that it can be a genetic chronic Mental disease for others.

Thats the thing, we can only assume, but the real judge is god himself, not us.

I like one poetic line I saw on TikTok, it goes like this:
"God doesn't let someone go through hell twice."
The concept of hell terrifies me so much... From despair to pure torture... Just its existence could make me cry