I was dumped, and I can’t die

[iamnotagoodperson]

My bf of almost 2 years dumped me 3 weeks ago today and the pain has been excruciating ever since. He won't come back. Of course it has reinforced my need to ctb that i have had for years(i have tried partial again earlier but can't 'get it') but most of all it hurts me so much, hard to explain. I just feel so alone and desperate. He has friends, he is getting busy with them. I have nobody as always. I feel so alone. The weekend is even worse with spring, everyone outside enjoying themselves… I hope I will get past SI one day. In the meantime i just don't know how to do, i am very lonely. Maybe that is what is going to kill me at the end ..

 

[derpyderpins]

My bf of almost 2 years dumped me 3 weeks ago today and the pain has been excruciating ever since. He won't come back. Of course it has reinforced my need to ctb that i have had for years(i have tried partial again earlier but can't 'get it') but most of all it hurts me so much, hard to explain. I just feel so alone and desperate. He has friends, he is getting busy with them. I have nobody as always. I feel so alone. The weekend is even worse with spring, everyone outside enjoying themselves… I hope I will get past SI one day. In the meantime i just don't know how to do, i am very lonely. Maybe that is what is going to kill me at the end ..

I'm sorry you're having to struggle so much. Loneliness is hard enough, but this has to feel like abandonment with him leaving.

I could talk you through the normal coping steps, but I'm sure you know them. I did want to ask about your username. Why do you think you're not a good person? (Or, at least worse than the average person.)

 

[iamnotagoodperson]

Thank you for your message, it's very sweet of you to answer me.

For my pseudo : I think I'm a bad person because everyone always ends up leaving me whether it's friends, family or bf. My parents abused me throughout my childhood and whatever happened, always my fault. I feel like something is wrong with me and i feel guilty to not be able to deal with being a normal person. And lots of other things :)

 

[derpyderpins]

Thank you for your message, it's very sweet of you to answer me.

For my pseudo : I think I'm a bad person because everyone always ends up leaving me whether it's friends, family or bf. My parents abused me throughout my childhood and whatever happened, always my fault. I feel like something is wrong with me and i feel guilty to not be able to deal with being a normal person. And lots of other things :)

It's no problem!

What would you say to someone else in that position? Because to me, it sounds like you got dealt a pretty damn bad hand and have been struggling. Would you really tell someone else that makes them bad? I know it doesn't fix the feeling, but I think you should acknowledge there is a different between being a bad person and feeling like a bad person. That's step one. Not that I know what step two is, but that's step one.

 

[iamnotagoodperson]

I wouldn't be as harsh to someone else, but for myself I feel like I deserve it. The breakup here is my fault again, I didn't listen to his needs and he rightfully walked away from my disrespect. As you said, It's been hard, and it will never stop..

 

[derpyderpins]

I wouldn't be as harsh to someone else, but for myself I feel like I deserve it. The breakup here is my fault again, I didn't listen to his needs and he rightfully walked away from my disrespect. As you said, It's been hard, and it will never stop..

I hear you. And I think it's natural to be harder on yourself and feel that way. It doesn't have to always be so bad, though. Not saying everything will ever be good, but you can improve, do a little less bad, and be a little less miserable. Try to control what you can. I hope this pain passes.