Venting i was cut open, and now i can never feel

[SpencerSees]

3 weeks ago, I entered a constant state of derealization. It was an everyday thing even before, but now, there aren't any breaks. It's just one constant meaningless assortment of shapes and colors.

I know my boyfriend needs me. I want to be with him and my friends too, but there's a disconnect with everyone around me. They all feel foreign, even if i've known them for most of my life. I feel as if they all have been replaced. They don't act more like crude caricatures of themselves than the people i've known. I don't feel anything for them and it makes me so upset. I should feel bad for my friends when they feel sad, i should feel upset when we have a fight with my boyfriend. But no. It's all one, meaningless nothing. I've been slowly distancing myself from them, i guess. I just really don't want to burden them when I can't even empathize with them. Although that would be solved if i just did the deed already-
At the same time they feel like they want me dead and are actively working on that so ???
god bless my brain

 

[zeek]

i used to suffer from heavy derealisation too, and while it hasnt stopped, its gotten better to the point where i feel present in my body.
although sometimes life still doesnt feel real, and more like a hyperealistic game or simulation yk? like i know im here and im present, but it feels like my connection to the world is a bit off? or slow?

They all feel foreign, even if i've known them for most of my life.

i really relate to this, like i feel so distant from my peers, but they also dont talk to me much so maybe its them :P

 

[SpencerSees]

You get me fr

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I suffer from both depersonalisation and derealisation.
I feel as though I am a hologram living in a giant tv set called earth.
Nothing feels real, including myself.
I just tell myself that everything is nothing but a harmless dream and that it won't last forever .