Throughout my life I have always been the butt of every joke, the scapegoat, the person people put down, tease, mock and laugh at. My dad and brother do it to me. Even my mum sometimes attacks me when she wants to attack my brother because I am an easier target than him. People in primary school did it to me (both students and teachers). People at secondary school did it to me. People in college did it to me. People at uni did it to me. I had a mental breakdown due to other issues in my life but I know if I had some kind of support system I could have avoided that breakdown. I understand not wanting to associate with a low status person. But I don't understand pointing and laughing at that person instead of giving them some constructive criticism. I also don't understand why someone would mistreat their own "friend." Why be "friends" with someone if you are going to treat them like shit? Just leave them alone. I'm so tired and exhausted. I feel like in every social situation nowadays, I have to be on high alert and have my defences up waiting to be attacked so I can deflect the comments or turn it back on them. But I'm exhausted. I just wish there was a safe space I could live my life without constantly have to fend off attacks from other people. I don't understand why people can't treat their fellow human beings with respect - not because they've earned it through power moves, dominance and fear or even competence but because they are human and all human beings should be treated with basic respect. Idk whether I will kill myself or not but if I do, no one will care because I wasn't one of the high status or even middle status people. I was just that person everyone takes the piss out of because its easy. I hate the way when some popular kid was murdered in the news, people go on and on about how great they were and about how loved they were by so many people. But what about those of us who no one loves and no one even likes? No one gives a fuck about us. Fuck this world where people value strength and power even when the people with that strength and power are mean and cruel. Why are genuinely good and kind people so rare? Is it me? Is it the city I live in? Is it the country I live in? Is it my culture? Is it my society? Is it human nature? I just want to be around nice, kind people who are uplifting and supportive for once.
Also I understand the purpose of that teasing and those put downs and that disrespect is to teach me a social lesson and I am happy to work on myself and improve my social skills and social status, but I am exhausted from constant attacks and just wish there was some safe space I could exist in while I pick myself off the ground. Self improvement is hard when you keep being pummelled and kicked down every time you try to get up. Like can people just give me a minute to get back up on my feet? In our society, it feels like there is no way back up when you fall down because people kick you while you are on the floor.
Also I understand the purpose of that teasing and those put downs and that disrespect is to teach me a social lesson and I am happy to work on myself and improve my social skills and social status, but I am exhausted from constant attacks and just wish there was some safe space I could exist in while I pick myself off the ground. Self improvement is hard when you keep being pummelled and kicked down every time you try to get up. Like can people just give me a minute to get back up on my feet? In our society, it feels like there is no way back up when you fall down because people kick you while you are on the floor.
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