Venting Loneliness is like being crushed by your own heart

[PimpHand]

Zero friends. Zero whatsapp messages. Zero interesting emails. No social media. No one calling me for a drink, no one interested in me, no one calling me funny, no one worried that I may be sick.

I have absolutely no one. I tried to be friend with an immense amount of people. And the return was null. Only pain, regrets, sorrow, and bitterness.

I'm 25, I don't trust anyone. I hate society and the collective as much as I can.

If I could, I would live in the wild, at least I would have the wild animals as company.

People are monsters, they use you, they treat you like crap, and then dispose of you when you become a nuisance. You are nothing to them.

Every day, I become more cynical. I start to despise everyone, to see the flaws, the hipocrisy, the cowardice of human beings. To them, you are not a human being. You are your job, you are your degree, you are your grades, you are you portifolio. The care more about the result than the process. They will say to a beginner that they are crap. They will humiliate, insult, persecute anyone who disagree of their ideas. Humanity is a cult.

Is there any hope? Hope of finding someone that truly loves me for what I am? Can I love someone for who they truly is? What are they hiding behind the flesh?

 

[ThisPartySucks]

Is there any hope?

That depends on you. Do you want there to be hope? Do you want to be loved?

 

[lastappleonearth]

Zero friends. Zero whatsapp messages. Zero interesting emails. No social media. No one calling me for a drink, no one interested in me, no one calling me funny, no one worried that I may be sick.

I have absolutely no one. I tried to be friend with an immense amount of people. And the return was null. Only pain, regrets, sorrow, and bitterness.

I'm 25, I don't trust anyone. I hate society and the collective as much as I can.

If I could, I would live in the wild, at least I would have the wild animals as company.

People are monsters, they use you, they treat you like crap, and then dispose of you when you become a nuisance. You are nothing to them.

Every day, I become more cynical. I start to despise everyone, to see the flaws, the hipocrisy, the cowardice of human beings. To them, you are not a human being. You are your job, you are your degree, you are your grades, you are you portifolio. The care more about the result than the process. They will say to a beginner that they are crap. They will humiliate, insult, persecute anyone who disagree of their ideas. Humanity is a cult.

Is there any hope? Hope of finding someone that truly loves me for what I am? Can I love someone for who they truly is? What are they hiding behind the flesh?

Im sorry you feel so lonely, I relate. I think your description is quite fitting, that it feels like being crushed by your own heart. It's honestly the worst thing I've ever had to feel or experience, it's just relentless, never ending pain and dread. And it makes me want to cry all the time, I basically don't get any new messages, I can go for weeks without opening my messenger apps, because no one writes me (well apart from my parents). It's just so fucking sad and maybe pathetic, there was a time, where I got plenty of messages and people cared or at least seemed to care, but that's gone. Though I agree, often times people will give you attention when it's convenient to them and then discard you like you never meant anything to them. I get that I made mistakes and often it was my fault, but by far not always. Despite this there's still a little bit of hope in me and I hope you find someone or multiple someones, who care for you and send you messages

 

[PimpHand]

That depends on you. Do you want there to be hope? Do you want to be loved?

I do. I truly do. But can I truly love someone? Or all I want is someone to address my needs? Sometimes I feel like I can't feel true empathy towards anyone. But maybe that is an autism thing, like alexithymia.

It's honestly the worst thing I've ever had to feel or experience, it's just relentless, never ending pain and dread. And it makes me want to cry all the time, I basically don't get any new messages, I can go for weeks without opening my messenger apps, because no one writes me (well apart from my parents). It's just so fucking sad and maybe pathetic, there was a time, where I got plenty of messages and people cared or at least seemed to care, but that's gone. Though I agree, often times people will give you attention when it's convenient to them and then discard you like you never meant anything to them

It is sad. Often I have a hard time understanding people.

I get that I made mistakes and often it was my fault, but by far not always.

I have also made plenty of mistakes. But people are just too unforgiving.

Despite this there's still a little bit of hope in me and I hope you find someone or multiple someones, who care for you and send you messages

Thanks my friend. I hope you find joy in life, and may your loneliness become a thing of the past.

 

[kyuuketsuki]

I definitely relate to this. I struggle connecting with people for many reasons. I have a "social skills deficit" as my old therapist put it. Most of my life I've struggled to make friends and was always a loner. I actually really enjoy talking to people once I'm comfortable with them, but getting there is the hard part. I keep meaning to go down to the singular bar in my city and talk to some new people to potentially make friends, despite the fact I hate alcohol.
I also find it difficult to relate to a lot of people around my age range. I don't use social media, but most people do. I hear people complaining about xyz harmless thing giving them "the ick" that doesn't really matter, complaining about how they don't fit into whatever aesthetic, being extremely self-absorbed and obsessed with themselves and constantly needing to take pictures to post for external validation, polarizing politics with no room for middle ground or discussion, etc.
I just don't care about those sorts of things and having to talk to people that do is extremely unenjoyable to me. I don't exactly yearn to live in the past, but I miss the days before social media controlled so many aspects of people's lives.
Perhaps it is because I have a rather pessimistic view on humanity as a whole that I don't seek their validation. My values rarely align with this hyper-materialistic, sexist, narcissistic society. In recent years I've completely stopped caring what most people think of me, outside of those I'm close to. I do think this has worked wonders for my confidence, honestly.

 

[PimpHand]

I definitely relate to this. I struggle connecting with people for many reasons. I have a "social skills deficit" as my old therapist put it. Most of my life I've struggled to make friends and was always a loner. I actually really enjoy talking to people once I'm comfortable with them, but getting there is the hard part. I keep meaning to go down to the singular bar in my city and talk to some new people to potentially make friends, despite the fact I hate alcohol.
I also find it difficult to relate to a lot of people around my age range. I don't use social media, but most people do. I hear people complaining about xyz harmless thing giving them "the ick" that doesn't really matter, complaining about how they don't fit into whatever aesthetic, being extremely self-absorbed and obsessed with themselves and constantly needing to take pictures to post for external validation, polarizing politics with no room for middle ground or discussion, etc.
I just don't care about those sorts of things and having to talk to people that do is extremely unenjoyable to me. I don't exactly yearn to live in the past, but I miss the days before social media controlled so many aspects of people's lives.
Perhaps it is because I have a rather pessimistic view on humanity as a whole that I don't seek their validation. My values rarely align with this hyper-materialistic, sexist, narcissistic society. In recent years I've completely stopped caring what most people think of me, outside of those I'm close to. I do think this has worked wonders for my confidence, honestly.

I think I'm almost there actually. I want connection, but things are so unbearable nowadays that I started to just stop caring and enjoy life alone. My values are not the values of this society. I don't need their validation for anything. I do work, I get my money, and everything else is not their business. I'm also quite pessimist and cynical, but I still believe there might be reasons to live and be happy. I'm working my goals day after day, so that I may reach my dreams and objectives.

 

[lastappleonearth]

I definitely relate to this. I struggle connecting with people for many reasons. I have a "social skills deficit" as my old therapist put it. Most of my life I've struggled to make friends and was always a loner. I actually really enjoy talking to people once I'm comfortable with them, but getting there is the hard part. I keep meaning to go down to the singular bar in my city and talk to some new people to potentially make friends, despite the fact I hate alcohol.
I also find it difficult to relate to a lot of people around my age range. I don't use social media, but most people do. I hear people complaining about xyz harmless thing giving them "the ick" that doesn't really matter, complaining about how they don't fit into whatever aesthetic, being extremely self-absorbed and obsessed with themselves and constantly needing to take pictures to post for external validation, polarizing politics with no room for middle ground or discussion, etc.
I just don't care about those sorts of things and having to talk to people that do is extremely unenjoyable to me. I don't exactly yearn to live in the past, but I miss the days before social media controlled so many aspects of people's lives.
Perhaps it is because I have a rather pessimistic view on humanity as a whole that I don't seek their validation. My values rarely align with this hyper-materialistic, sexist, narcissistic society. In recent years I've completely stopped caring what most people think of me, outside of those I'm close to. I do think this has worked wonders for my confidence, honestly.

I agree with this a lot, I think we have given up so much for hyper-materialism and -individualism. I mean, I guess it mostly happened subconsciously, but it's still tragic in a way. In so many countries, especially in the west, there's basically no sense of community or belonging anymore. The only thing we have is our relatively high standard of living, which is of course a good thing, but it feels like we have given up everything else in order to achieve that. I don't think that it was worth it

 

[trying ungracefully]

I told my therapist I am at a point where I am lonely but I don't want friends. No one wants to be friends with someone who has no money and completely relies on their parents at 22 years old and didn't go to college. I went on bumble bff and everyone on their seemed so much better than me. So many college graduates, people with real careers, and people who are intelligent. I tried and people would just stop messaging me. I've seen so many posts online about people hating their friends who are like me.

People judge too much for me. I am working on letting it go but I don't want to deal with it in my daily life. "I went through an episode and destroyed my life" - "Sorry this is just too much for me to deal with".

There are people who aren't like this but I don't want to go through the hurt of finding them. I'll start to socialize with people I volunteer with and stuff like that but nothing more. Loneliness is so hard to deal with but being with people who judge is even worse to me.

 

[pelicanportal]

I relate to this, about a decade older. I consider loneliness is what will kill me, not suicide. Suicide is just the means. I reached the conclusion that there is no such thing as real friendship.

Proximity breeds familiarity but that proximity goes and so does the closeness. Sometimes there are bonds of convenience so once it stops being convenient it is gone.

There are acquaintances, coworkers, family, and lovers. That is it.

 

[PimpHand]

I told my therapist I am at a point where I am lonely but I don't want friends. No one wants to be friends with someone who has no money and completely relies on their parents at 22 years old and didn't go to college. I went on bumble bff and everyone on their seemed so much better than me. So many college graduates, people with real careers, and people who are intelligent. I tried and people would just stop messaging me. I've seen so many posts online about people hating their friends who are like me.

People judge too much for me. I am working on letting it go but I don't want to deal with it in my daily life. "I went through an episode and destroyed my life" - "Sorry this is just too much for me to deal with".

There are people who aren't like this but I don't want to go through the hurt of finding them. I'll start to socialize with people I volunteer with and stuff like that but nothing more. Loneliness is so hard to deal with but being with people who judge is even worse to me.

I feel so sorry, I went through this, no job, no college. It hurts so much. Fortunately I got better and now at least I have a job.

They say that time heals... People are selfish, so be a little selfish too