Venting I wanted to offer help... but I feel like a privileged prick that came to preach pro-life bullshit

[nicotineinvestor]

Since I was 13 I've been suicidal with varying levels of intensity, but always suicidal to a degree. Depression, anxiety, ADHD, anhedonia, chronic physical conditions, you name it - I had it.

I experienced a bad case of psychosis back in September 2023. I was in a psychiatric hospital for months. They took away all my previous mental diagnoses and diagnosed me with schizotypal disorder. I was put back on duloxetine and was put through an array of anti-psychotics. I got discharged from the hospital and within two months I became the most depressed and suicidal I've ever been. Post psychosis depression was the worst agony I've felt in my life. I was lurking on SS, and it became a secret addiction. SS became like group therapy for me. So close to CTB that I was hospitalized. 7 weeks went by and I was only a little less suicidal when I was discharged. Since then I've gotten better with the right medicine, group therapy, substance rehab, individual therapy and endless care and help from my loved ones.

Today I'm the "happiest" I've ever been. Not movie level happy, but content. I work 6-12 hours a week and get enough money to stay afloat with my partner and our new puppy. I have amazing friends and family, and my living situation is good and stable. I still struggle with maaaaany things, and negative symptoms from my schizotypal disorder. But I don't feel suicidal anymore. For the first time since I was 13.


So I decided to come back to SS to offer some kind words of encouragement for people in the Recovery section. I wanted to tell you all that "it gets better" and offer recovery support. But reading everything that people are going through... I feel like the 1%. I do belong to the black queer minority, but I haven't had anywhere near as bad experiences, as so many people on this platform. I have so many privileges, and my home country has so many ressources to help psychiatric patients and people in the fringes of society. I get so much support from the government and from my circle, and that is not available the same way to everybody.

I feel so useless. I don't wanna be a privileged asshole that gives people false hope or pukes pro-life bullshit.

I wanna help, how can I do that?

 

[whybother2002]

Priviledge doesn't really mean much when it comes to mental health. Yes, you were able to get professional help, therapy, medication... but that don't stop me from wanting to die and certainly didn't for many others here. You suffered a lot and your story is valid and inspirational. Most people wouldn't want to return to this site, after all it only brings bad memories. But you want to help others in their recovery. It's common for a lot of users here to scoff anyone who simply won't reply the posts with "yes, you should do it. check this thread to learn how." But the experience of an old user is super valuable.

 

[nicotineinvestor]

Priviledge doesn't really mean much when it comes to mental health. Yes, you were able to get professional help, therapy, medication... but that don't stop me from wanting to die and certainly didn't for many others here. You suffered a lot and your story is valid and inspirational. Most people wouldn't want to return to this site, after all it only brings bad memories. But you want to help others in their recovery. It's common for a lot of users here to scoff anyone who simply won't reply the posts with "yes, you should do it. check this thread to learn how." But the experience of an old user is super valuable.

Thank you so much for your thoughts.

 

[Natsuhi13]

Desde os 13 anos, tenho pensamentos suicidas, com níveis variados de intensidade, mas sempre com um certo grau de suicídio. Depressão, ansiedade, TDAH, anedonia, doenças físicas crônicas, tudo o que você imagina — eu tive.

Eu tive um caso grave de psicose em setembro de 2023. Fiquei internado em um hospital psiquiátrico por meses. Eles removeram todos os meus diagnósticos mentais anteriores e me diagnosticaram com transtorno esquizotípico. Voltei a tomar duloxetina e uma série de antipsicóticos. Recebido alta do hospital e, em dois meses, fiquei mais deprimido e com tendências suicidas do que nunca. A depressão pós-psicose foi a pior agonia que já senti na minha vida. Eu estava à espreita na SS, e ela se tornou um vício secreto. A SS se tornou uma terapia de grupo para mim. Tão perto do CTB que fui hospitalizado. Sete semanas se passaram e eu fui apenas um pouco menos suicida quando cheguei alta. Desde então, melhorei com os medicamentos certos, terapia de grupo, reabilitação de substâncias, terapia individual e cuidados e ajuda infinitos dos meus entes queridos.

Hoje estou mais "feliz" do que nunca. Não tão feliz quanto um filme, mas contente. Trabalho de 6 a 12 horas por semana e ganho dinheiro suficiente para me sustentar com meu parceiro e nosso novo cachorrinho. Tenho amigos e familiares incríveis, e minha situação de vida é boa e estável. Ainda luto com muu...


Então, decida voltar ao SS para oferecer algumas palavras gentis de incentivo às pessoas da seção de Recuperação. Queria dizer a todos que "melhora" e oferecer apoio à recuperação. Mas lendo tudo o que as pessoas estão passando... me sinto como o 1%. Pertenço à minoria negra queer, mas não tive experiências tão ruins quanto tantas pessoas nesta plataforma. Tenho tantas necessidades, e meu país natal tem tantos recursos para ajudar pacientes psiquiátricos e pessoas à margem da sociedade. Recebe muito apoio do governo e do meu círculo social, e isso não é oferecido da mesma forma para todos.

Eu me sinto tão inútil. Não quero ser um babaca privilegiado que dá falsas esperanças às pessoas ou vomita besteiras pró-vida.

Quero ajudar, como posso fazer isso?

Fico muito feliz pela sua atitude, mas infelizmente não achei interessante (mas respeito a sua decisão) que se mantenha aqui no site. Infelizmente, lendo e relendo postagens você pode ter lembranças de algum material que consumimos interfere direta e indiretamente em nosso subconsciente.

Diferente do que responderam à sua mensagem, eu acredito sim que privilégios podem interferir sim no bem estar mental (mas não apenas o privilégio, as vezes o sofrimento é tanto que nem o acesso a todo tipo de suporte e tratamento é o suficiente). Muitas pessoas fazem CTB devido a dívidas e questões socioeconômicas, então sua análise de privilégios foi bem lúcida.

Recentemente um amigo meu aqui do site (que eu conhecia IRL) foi devido a sofrimento extremo, mas acredito que se houvesse algum suporte financeiro ele buscaria algum tipo de tratamento.

 

[leadedSnail]

Reading your story has helped. I want to recover but am plagued with this guilt that, even though my circumstances aren't ideal, they're much better than others I know. Knowing someone else who has also struggled with suicidal ideation at an early age has gotten to a place in life where it doesn't shadow them gives me hope. I know that sounds super preachy and I don't even know if I'm sounding more human right now or like a bot (I guess it's because of my current mental state?) but I say this earnestly.