lueur
New Member
- Oct 16, 2025
- 1
i'm 19. i have a plethora of mental illnesses, diagnosed with schizoaffective (depressive), gad, ocd, cptsd, anorexia, bpd, & asd. i'm also chronically ill - me/cfs & pots, probably some other things/some sort of autoimmune disorder as well but i haven't been able to see anyone for it. i have been in therapy since i was 10, on various ssris, antipsychotics, benzos, you name it. nothing has ever helped my mental state despite doing everything "right" - i've seen ~10 therapists, different forms of therapy, all the generic advice like eating right, drink water, journal, go outside, work out, do yoga, whatever, nothing helps in the slightest
i had a lot of trauma throughout my childhood. i've experienced a lot of sa at the hands of family members and people i trusted. my father is an alcoholic who is verbally abusive at best, occasionally physically & sexually. i dropped out of school at 14 because my mental health was too poor to continue going. since then i've only deteriorated, i've spent years-long chunks of time dealing with psychosis that prevented me from being able to leave the house at all.
i've had covid 4 times now, the last roughly a year ago which left me disabled & unable to care for myself. i've been more or less bedbound for a large portion of this year, generally only able to get up to walk to the bathroom & to eat. i can't walk for longer than a minute or two. i go weeks without showering because i physically cannot, it knocks me out for days to weeks afterwards, and forget any kind of socialization or much anything recreational because that knocks me out hard. my body is always in pain, i cannot describe it, my bones feel like they're being shattered, my joints are fucked, my whole body always aches like i've been hit by a train. doctors have not been any help, the vast majority of my days are spent laying in bed in varying level of agony
i have no future that i can see, i have nowhere to go to get away from my father and i'm too disabled to work or go to school. my bpd fp was all i had but they left me earlier this year & i've been totally broken since. we had plans to move in together and since that's gone i just have nothing, no friends, no one who can help. i feel like such a burden to my family because i have to rely totally on them, my father disdains me for it. i feel like such a broken shell of a person. every day i stay alive only brings me more misery, i want nothing more than to die. i don't see any way i make it out of this, i'm just so so lost
i had a lot of trauma throughout my childhood. i've experienced a lot of sa at the hands of family members and people i trusted. my father is an alcoholic who is verbally abusive at best, occasionally physically & sexually. i dropped out of school at 14 because my mental health was too poor to continue going. since then i've only deteriorated, i've spent years-long chunks of time dealing with psychosis that prevented me from being able to leave the house at all.
i've had covid 4 times now, the last roughly a year ago which left me disabled & unable to care for myself. i've been more or less bedbound for a large portion of this year, generally only able to get up to walk to the bathroom & to eat. i can't walk for longer than a minute or two. i go weeks without showering because i physically cannot, it knocks me out for days to weeks afterwards, and forget any kind of socialization or much anything recreational because that knocks me out hard. my body is always in pain, i cannot describe it, my bones feel like they're being shattered, my joints are fucked, my whole body always aches like i've been hit by a train. doctors have not been any help, the vast majority of my days are spent laying in bed in varying level of agony
i have no future that i can see, i have nowhere to go to get away from my father and i'm too disabled to work or go to school. my bpd fp was all i had but they left me earlier this year & i've been totally broken since. we had plans to move in together and since that's gone i just have nothing, no friends, no one who can help. i feel like such a burden to my family because i have to rely totally on them, my father disdains me for it. i feel like such a broken shell of a person. every day i stay alive only brings me more misery, i want nothing more than to die. i don't see any way i make it out of this, i'm just so so lost
