I want to live

[WideAwake]

Reading a lot of the posts here I believe is helping me to get through my depression. The talk of how easy it is to CTB is leading me to believe that's the easy way out. Death is going to come for each of us soon enough with no help from ourselves. I know there are some here with far worse conditions than my own, and I can understand the desire to want to end it. I have reasons to live. People I care about. These dark thoughts are a vicious circle. I get depressed and think there's no way out but death, then wish to die, then get more depressed. I have just gotten deeper and deeper into despair. But when I step back and look at my situation, it's not as bad as it feels. It's bad, but people have suffered worse than me. I need to quit feeling sorry for myself and stop being afraid. The universe doesn't give a shit about me. In 100 years I wont even be remembered, and this will all be over. Hell, I'm lucky if I would live 20 more years even if I try. No one expects me to succeed but me, I put all this pressure on myself. Failure is an option no matter how much I don't want to fail. Get up and fight dammit. Quit being a coward and fight. If I were to go out it would have to eclipse Beebo Russell's method anyway, and that's not possible. I'm just going to hand on for now and see what happens. It will probably get harder, but it will also be interesting. Good luck to you all.

 

[pane]

Much good luck to you too. I'm glad you want to live and strongly advise you to do whatever you feel is necessary to help yourself get your life back on track. No one here would encourage you to kill yourself although from what I've read so far on the forum I disagree with your characterization that suicide is made to look "easy" here. I do think more than a few members talk up how wonderful it'll supposedly be once they're gone and their suffering is over but underneath all that is a lot of struggle and anguish trying to reach the point of committing the act itself.

 

[omoidarui]

basically reciprocating the above post and wishing you luck with your recovery.

can't say i agree with your association of suicide with cowardice/inability to fight, you don't necessarily know the circumstances of those who choose the alternative path. if like you say death is inevitable anyway, some would argue the conquest of their battles would be pyrrhic victories if anything.

really pleased for you though, i admire your determination and hope all works out! in the words of nanaluvstroubles "love peace and apple sauce, pce out"

 

[Jean Améry]

The best of luck to you. I hope you succeed in becoming happy.

In theory achieving death should be easy, in practice not so much.

 

[GeorgeJL]

Good for you, this is a good first step on the road to recovery.

If I were you I would check out Jordan Peterson for some motivation on getting your shit together, he is the most influential intellectual right now for young people. Take the self authoring program, do some self development, maybe take some psychedelics, and go out there and add meaning to peoples lives and help end suffering, including your own.

Good luck.

 

[Cairn]

Reading a lot of the posts here I believe is helping me to get through my depression. The talk of how easy it is to CTB is leading me to believe that's the easy way out. Death is going to come for each of us soon enough with no help from ourselves. I know there are some here with far worse conditions than my own, and I can understand the desire to want to end it. I have reasons to live. People I care about. These dark thoughts are a vicious circle. I get depressed and think there's no way out but death, then wish to die, then get more depressed. I have just gotten deeper and deeper into despair. But when I step back and look at my situation, it's not as bad as it feels. It's bad, but people have suffered worse than me. I need to quit feeling sorry for myself and stop being afraid. The universe doesn't give a shit about me. In 100 years I wont even be remembered, and this will all be over. Hell, I'm lucky if I would live 20 more years even if I try. No one expects me to succeed but me, I put all this pressure on myself. Failure is an option no matter how much I don't want to fail. Get up and fight dammit. Quit being a coward and fight. If I were to go out it would have to eclipse Beebo Russell's method anyway, and that's not possible. I'm just going to hand on for now and see what happens. It will probably get harder, but it will also be interesting. Good luck to you all.

If there is even the tinyest part of you that wishes life then you must go out and grab it, live it and experience the joy of life. Do not give up.

 

[TiredHorse]

If you're not 100% sure you are done with life, then it is 100% certain it is NOT your time to die.

Strength and courage, @WideAwake. I wish you every success on your path to recovery.

 

[soda_pressed]

This made me so happy to read. There are so many stories of people feeling unable to carry on, so it's lovely to ready that you want to live. I wish you the best x

 

[Soul]

It's interesting, though, that anything that might give people hope is off limits. That's pretty sad actually.

... You've gotten quite a lot of responses indicating how glad people are that you've found a reason to go on living, but you choose to focus on one that isn't congratulating you. Interesting - pretty sad actually.

People here generally seem very aware that suicide isn't easy. I hope if you keep reading this messageboard, you'll read with compassion and comprehension. Meanwhile, your own circumstances have become more hopeful; that's splendid, but mine are just the same.

Journey well.

 

[not_a_robot]

Reading a lot of the posts here I believe is helping me to get through my depression. The talk of how easy it is to CTB is leading me to believe that's the easy way out. Death is going to come for each of us soon enough with no help from ourselves. I know there are some here with far worse conditions than my own, and I can understand the desire to want to end it. I have reasons to live. People I care about. These dark thoughts are a vicious circle. I get depressed and think there's no way out but death, then wish to die, then get more depressed. I have just gotten deeper and deeper into despair. But when I step back and look at my situation, it's not as bad as it feels. It's bad, but people have suffered worse than me. I need to quit feeling sorry for myself and stop being afraid. The universe doesn't give a shit about me. In 100 years I wont even be remembered, and this will all be over. Hell, I'm lucky if I would live 20 more years even if I try. No one expects me to succeed but me, I put all this pressure on myself. Failure is an option no matter how much I don't want to fail. Get up and fight dammit. Quit being a coward and fight. If I were to go out it would have to eclipse Beebo Russell's method anyway, and that's not possible. I'm just going to hand on for now and see what happens. It will probably get harder, but it will also be interesting. Good luck to you all.

lol. Sweetie, there is nothing "easy" about overcoming SI, but it's really cute that you think that.

I assume there will be a lot of these manipulative contrivances appearing here until the media propaganda dies down.
A for effort.

 

[WideAwake]

... You've gotten quite a lot of responses indicating how glad people are that you've found a reason to go on living, but you choose to focus on one that isn't congratulating you. Interesting - pretty sad actually.

People here generally seem very aware that suicide isn't easy. I hope if you keep reading this messageboard, you'll read with compassion and comprehension. Meanwhile, your own circumstances have become more hopeful; that's splendid, but mine are just the same.

Journey well.

I don't like being defamed.

 

[NotSure]

... You've gotten quite a lot of responses indicating how glad people are that you've found a reason to go on living, but you choose to focus on one that isn't congratulating you. Interesting - pretty sad actually.

People here generally seem very aware that suicide isn't easy. I hope if you keep reading this messageboard, you'll read with compassion and comprehension. Meanwhile, your own circumstances have become more hopeful; that's splendid, but mine are just the same.

Journey well.

The compassion and comprehension are key. I came onto this site for the sole purpose of talking with as many people here as I could. I wanted to know what makes people want to CTB. You'll find quickly, when you remove your ego, that some people have horrible situations, and others just don't care. To think you can fully understand someone's perspective is insane. But, I've found when you just talk to people, not preach, you may find things to be hopeful for.

By the way, if anyone wants a semi-consistent conversation in PM, hit me up.

 

[not_a_robot]

basically reciprocating the above post and wishing you luck with your recovery.

can't say i agree with your association of suicide with cowardice/inability to fight, you don't necessarily know the circumstances of those who choose the alternative path. if like you say death is inevitable anyway, some would argue the conquest of their battles would be pyrrhic victories if anything.

really pleased for you though, i admire your determination and hope all works out! in the words of nanaluvstroubles "love peace and apple sauce, pce out"

People who call suicide "cowardly" and easy are mindlessly parroting positive-psychology propaganda. They don't have any understanding of how difficult it is because their only agenda is suicide-prevention crusading.

 

[Soul]

I don't like being defamed.

Understandable - and it should help you comprehend that we don't like it either.

Journey well.

 

[Ruffian]

I don't like being defamed.

Im not sure what you mean by defamed. There's a lot going on here besides depression and mental health. My depression and suicidality improved after signing up here, but you're being very insensitive to the needs and reasons other people are here. There was a chronic pain terminally ill person here I just realized was gone yesterday and it sucks. But I am glad they are at peace, and if my depression gets bad again, or if my pain ever gets back to where it once was, Im glad I have a more dignified, painless, and effective option. There're also philosophical reasons for a forum like this, and there's a good bit of this positive thinking type of stuff out there already. This isn't the place. I'm glad things turned around for you, but I choose to stay. It's hard losing some of the people who ctb, but it's still up to them.

 

[TiredHorse]

But when I step back and look at my situation, it's not as bad as it feels. It's bad, but people have suffered worse than me. I need to quit feeling sorry for myself and stop being afraid. [...] Get up and fight dammit. Quit being a coward and fight.

Just a quick question, and I truly don't mean this to be offensive or confrontational --I'm only seeking clarification-- but are you saying this to yourself, or to others on this forum?

 

[spanishguy22]

I've reported you to the moderation. You may fool others but not me. You are a prolifer crawling from the news article.
You called suicidal people cowards. You're a massive ignoramus.

 

[Ruffian]

I've reported you to the moderation. You may fool others but not me. You are a prolifer crawling from the news article.
You called suicidal people cowards. You're a massive ignoramus.

Yeah, today feels a bit like a witch hunt. I'm not here just for me - I have end of life issues coming up with my father and this pro-life stuff is pretty triggering. I'm glad it's not just me.

 

[Alchemist]

If you truly found that, then I'm happy for you and hope you have a happy life. But still my jellies smell something fishy.

 

[not_a_robot]

I don't like being defamed.

You d

Just a quick question, and I truly don't mean this to be offensive or confrontational --I'm only seeking clarification-- but are you saying this to yourself, or to others on this forum?

she's trying to project what she thinks suicidal people need to hear in order to "fix" us. The same bullshit-psychology we've been told a million times that never worked because it has no awareness of real emotions.

Here is how it always goes.

HOW TO SHAME SUICIDAL PEOPLE INTO WANTING TO LIVE IN ORDER TO PLEASE YOU:
Step 1: First, soften them up with a guilt trip abou how much everybody loves them. How sad everybody will be when they go.
Talking about their family should really manipulate their emotions. Get them feeling really sad about their family missing them. Once you've made them cry, they are vulnerable and receptive to being told what to do.

Step 2: GET TOUGH. Tell them what a stupid cowardly little worthless baby they are for wanting to die. The SHAME, SHAME, SHAME of their failure to be what society expects of them. Being berated like this will make them desperate to please people and succeed in life, and they will immediately abandon all thoughts of suicide.


And this actually does work, but only for easily manipulated people who were never really intent on doing it in the first place. But it's not effective on people with real problems, or an I.Q. above 40. For example, it's hard to make someone who came from an abusive home feel sad about our family missing us, because we know better. If anything, that tactic only reminds us that no one has ever really loved us, and makes us even more determined to die.


Neurotypical psychology is such transparent bullshit.

 

[spanishguy22]

You d

she's trying to project what she thinks suicidal people need to hear in order to "fix" us. The same bullshit-psychology we've been told a million times that never worked because it has no awareness of real emotions.

Here is how it always goes.

HOW TO SHAME SUICIDAL PEOPLE INTO WANTING TO LIVE IN ORDER TO PLEASE YOU:
Step 1: First, soften them up with a guilt trip abou how much everybody loves them. How sad everybody will be when they go.
Talking about their family should really manipulate their emotions. Get them feeling really sad about their family missing them. Once you've made them cry, they are vulnerable and receptive to being told what to do.

Step 2: GET TOUGH. Tell them what a stupid cowardly little worthless baby they are for wanting to die. The SHAME, SHAME, SHAME of their failure to be what society expects of them. Being berated like this will make them desperate to please people and succeed in life, and they will immediately abandon all thoughts of suicide.


And this actually does work, but only for easily manipulated people who were never really intent on doing it in the first place. But it's not effective on people with real problems, or an I.Q. above 40. For example, it's hard to make someone who came from an abusive home feel sad about our family missing us, because we know better. If anything, that tactic only reminds us that no one has ever really loved us, and makes us even more determined to die.


Neurotypical psychology is such transparent bullshit.

I feel so alienated in in this bullshit that Im thankful for intelligent people like you. We're too few and far in between. Too bad I didn't meet guys like you in my lifetime. Perhaps I wouldn't have been so fucked up with decent people around me.

 

[not_a_robot]

I feel so alienated in in this bullshit that Im thankful for intelligent people like you. We're too few and far in between. Too bad I didn't meet guys like you in my lifetime. Perhaps I wouldn't have been so fucked up with decent people around me.

It is uncanny, being with you people is the first time in my adult life that I have felt even slightly understood. If I were rich I would throw you all extravagant Bon Voyage parties, so I could at least meet you once before you go.

 

[TAW122]

Yeah I don't agree with the portrayal of how suicide is 'easy', especially when there are many of us here fighting survival instinct, finding the right method, and such. Then also, suicide isn't really cowardly to say, it's one of the most permanent decisions one can make and oftenly requires tremendous courage in order to go through with it.

 

[TiredHorse]

she's trying to project what she thinks suicidal people need to hear in order to "fix" us. The same bullshit-psychology we've been told a million times that never worked because it has no awareness of real emotions.

Maybe. But at this point I'd like to hear her reply more than your interpretation. Such assumptions are easy; listening is more difficult.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you --that any of us-- would be livid if someone started speaking for you, taking the liberty to make assumptions and interpret your words. I'm furious at the idea of FB trolls coming here and trying to offer us the usual BS, but please, show the world that we here on this forum are more civil than the FB trolls and allow @WideAwake the opportunity to clarify her(?) post. We are all of us wound very tight right now, with the current FB/media fiasco, but retaining some civility while we make certain of a new member's intentions will not harm us in any public fight to retain this safe space. We are ambassadors of an ideology --pro-choice!-- and would do well to remember that while the media spotlight is on us.

So, @WideAwake, would you care to clarify? It's a tough audience here --the FB fiasco has stirred up an ordinarily kind and comforting populace into a proper hornet's nest-- but I think some of us are still capable of thinking before stinging. You have offered words that could be interpretted by many here as deeply offensive, even duplicitous, but may perhaps be viewed differently under an expanded context. Let's hear what you have to say.

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

Maybe. But at this point I'd like to hear her reply more than your interpretation. Such assumptions are easy; listening is more difficult.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you --that any of us-- would be livid if someone started speaking for you, taking the liberty to make assumptions and interpret your words. I'm furious at the idea of FB trolls coming here and trying to offer us the usual BS, but please, show the world that we here on this forum are more civil than the FB trolls and allow @WideAwake the opportunity to clarify her(?) post. We are all of us wound very tight right now, with the current FB/media fiasco, but retaining some civility while we make certain of a new member's intentions will not harm us in any public fight to retain this safe space. We are ambassadors of an ideology --pro-choice!-- and would do well to remember that while the media spotlight is on us.

So, @WideAwake, would you care to clarify? It's a tough audience here --the FB fiasco has stirred up an ordinarily kind and comforting populace into a proper hornet's nest-- but I think some of us are still capable of thinking before stinging. You have offered words that could be interpretted by many here as deeply offensive, even duplicitous, but may perhaps be viewed differently under an expanded context. Let's hear what you have to say.

There is some prehistory to this thread and these responses thats not obvious. Some of the posters are aware. Those who came later may not be. That's all I'm going to say. My earlier posts have been deleted.

 

[not_a_robot]

Maybe. But at this point I'd like to hear her reply more than your interpretation. Such assumptions are easy; listening is more difficult.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you --that any of us-- would be livid if someone started speaking for you, taking the liberty to make assumptions and interpret your words. I'm furious at the idea of FB trolls coming here and trying to offer us the usual BS, but please, show the world that we here on this forum are more civil than the FB trolls and allow @WideAwake the opportunity to clarify her(?) post. We are all of us wound very tight right now, with the current FB/media fiasco, but retaining some civility while we make certain of a new member's intentions will not harm us in any public fight to retain this safe space. We are ambassadors of an ideology --pro-choice!-- and would do well to remember that while the media spotlight is on us.

So, @WideAwake, would you care to clarify? It's a tough audience here --the FB fiasco has stirred up an ordinarily kind and comforting populace into a proper hornet's nest-- but I think some of us are still capable of thinking before stinging. You have offered words that could be interpretted by many here as deeply offensive, even duplicitous, but may perhaps be viewed differently under an expanded context. Let's hear what you have to say.

LOL. yes. let's hear more from her.
More of the same old tired stereotypes.

 

[TiredHorse]

There is some prehistory to this thread and these responses thats not obvious. Some of the posters are aware. Those who came later may not be. That's all I'm going to say.

Better post some links, then, rather than just some vague innuendo. Context is everything here, and I don't want to become disappointed in other, more well-established forum members when I might otherwise applaud them if I have the full measure of context.

I'll tell you the same thing as I told WideAwake, but I'll be more blunt with the familiarity you have earned: put your money where your mouth is.

 

[WideAwake]

Yeah I don't agree with the portrayal of how suicide is 'easy', especially when there are many of us here fighting survival instinct, finding the right method, and such. Then also, suicide isn't really cowardly to say, it's one of the most permanent decisions one can make and oftenly requires tremendous courage in order to go through with it.

I don't think suicide is easy or cowardly. I have seen many others on here describe the easiest and most efficient ways they know of to CTB, and many here talk about checking out and "today's the day" etc. Some evidently even go through with it. But for me personally and in my situation, what I meant by CTB being "the easy way out" is that it would be preferable to sticking around and facing the music for the circumstances that I have brought upon myself.

Maybe. But at this point I'd like to hear her reply more than your interpretation. Such assumptions are easy; listening is more difficult.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you --that any of us-- would be livid if someone started speaking for you, taking the liberty to make assumptions and interpret your words. I'm furious at the idea of FB trolls coming here and trying to offer us the usual BS, but please, show the world that we here on this forum are more civil than the FB trolls and allow @WideAwake the opportunity to clarify her(?) post. We are all of us wound very tight right now, with the current FB/media fiasco, but retaining some civility while we make certain of a new member's intentions will not harm us in any public fight to retain this safe space. We are ambassadors of an ideology --pro-choice!-- and would do well to remember that while the media spotlight is on us.

So, @WideAwake, would you care to clarify? It's a tough audience here --the FB fiasco has stirred up an ordinarily kind and comforting populace into a proper hornet's nest-- but I think some of us are still capable of thinking before stinging. You have offered words that could be interpretted by many here as deeply offensive, even duplicitous, but may perhaps be viewed differently under an expanded context. Let's hear what you have to say.

Certainly. What would you like me to clarify? I don't believe I ever stated (or even implied) that CTB is cowardly. Nor did I say it was easy. What I said was that it is the easy way out for me (based on my personal situation. By that I mean that suicide is preferable to staying alive and taking responsibility for my circumstances. Is that clear, or is there something else that requires clarification?

 

[TiredHorse]

What would you like me to clarify?

As I said above:

But when I step back and look at my situation, it's not as bad as it feels. It's bad, but people have suffered worse than me. I need to quit feeling sorry for myself and stop being afraid. [...] Get up and fight dammit. Quit being a coward and fight.

Just a quick question, and I truly don't mean this to be offensive or confrontational --I'm only seeking clarification-- but are you saying this to yourself, or to others on this forum?

So again: could you please clarify whether that statement is meant to apply to how you believe others should feel, or simply how you feel about yourself? Is it self-referential rhetoric, or an admonition to other people here?

I don't think suicide is easy or cowardly.

And yes, you did say you believed CTB to be easy...:

The talk of how easy it is to CTB is leading me to believe that's the easy way out.

...Or else by that phrase you implied it to be, at least for you, cowardice. It's either one or the other --or else it's deeply regretable incaution in your use of rhetoric. I would appreciate it if you clarified that, too.

As you can see from my posts above, I am going out on a limb and playing the Devil's Advocate in your favor against some members of this forum who are quite reasonably wary of pro-life interlopers and feel strongly enough to have taken exception to my giving you the benefit of the doubt. I look forward to your clarifications, and I strongly urge you to in the future take a bit more care with the way you present your statements. We are all wound pretty tight around here, even on the best of days. And these are not the best of days.

 

[Roger]

Just don't take the bait.