mob
Student
- Jul 19, 2023
- 162
The past few months have been hell.
I got evicted. Haven't gone to work in 4 months. Debt piling up. Recently had an overdose that put me in the hospital. I don't have enough money to finance myself. I have to give my cats away for a few months.
The past few months, I've been struggling to hold on, I'd forgotten how to simply live. That's the way it's always been, while other people that I know simply got everything handed to them, I started with nothing. I come from an abusive strict religious family and experienced my fair share of trauma, guilt from running away, had to give up my education and drop out of school and all those things still haunt me to this day, no matter how long it's been. I'm mentally scarred and developed a personality disorder, PTSD and anxiety. There isn't a day where at least one thing doesn't go wrong in my life. Something bad has to happen, all the time. During those times, I stopped caring. I wanted this to be over with. I still do. Just in a different way now.
Along those struggles, I realized I have people who care. Who want to see me thrive and overcome all this.
And I realized, I can die anytime. It doesn't have to be soon. It doesn't have to be tonight, tomorrow, this week, or next week - it doesn't even have to be this year, or the next one. There's things I haven't seen and experienced yet, things I still want to do. Even through the thickest clouds, can still a small ray of sunshine pierce through - and I believe I just caught a glimpse of it again. It's always been there, no matter what happened. The hope that if I just keep going, if I just keep trying, the clouds will clear up. It would be a shame to throw that away, so why not try? Why not do what I've been afraid to do all this time, to try my hardest to achieve my goals and dreams. After all, what do I have to lose?
Life works in funny ways. It's ironic. Even after all that's happened, deep down I know, I still want to live after all.
I got evicted. Haven't gone to work in 4 months. Debt piling up. Recently had an overdose that put me in the hospital. I don't have enough money to finance myself. I have to give my cats away for a few months.
The past few months, I've been struggling to hold on, I'd forgotten how to simply live. That's the way it's always been, while other people that I know simply got everything handed to them, I started with nothing. I come from an abusive strict religious family and experienced my fair share of trauma, guilt from running away, had to give up my education and drop out of school and all those things still haunt me to this day, no matter how long it's been. I'm mentally scarred and developed a personality disorder, PTSD and anxiety. There isn't a day where at least one thing doesn't go wrong in my life. Something bad has to happen, all the time. During those times, I stopped caring. I wanted this to be over with. I still do. Just in a different way now.
Along those struggles, I realized I have people who care. Who want to see me thrive and overcome all this.
And I realized, I can die anytime. It doesn't have to be soon. It doesn't have to be tonight, tomorrow, this week, or next week - it doesn't even have to be this year, or the next one. There's things I haven't seen and experienced yet, things I still want to do. Even through the thickest clouds, can still a small ray of sunshine pierce through - and I believe I just caught a glimpse of it again. It's always been there, no matter what happened. The hope that if I just keep going, if I just keep trying, the clouds will clear up. It would be a shame to throw that away, so why not try? Why not do what I've been afraid to do all this time, to try my hardest to achieve my goals and dreams. After all, what do I have to lose?
Life works in funny ways. It's ironic. Even after all that's happened, deep down I know, I still want to live after all.
