i want to leave, but im scared of hurting my parents

[lola.morgan]

i really want to die. the thing is, if my partner was still alive i wouldnt even think about suicide. but he's gone now and he was my reason to live. i want to pass, but im scared of hurting my parents, especially my mum. i don't know how to cope with the fact that i'm going to break her heart. but what about my pain?
im so mad at my partner for leaving me. he had so much support he couldve been alive today if he reached out for help instead of comiting suicide... im broken and conflicted.

 

[FuneralCry]

I could never stay alive for others personally, it would be selfish for them to expect me to suffer for decades. I know others would be sad, but after all we have the right to exit at a time of our choosing and none of us asked to exist in the first place. It sounds like you are in a difficult situation, whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[cambrai33]

i really want to die. the thing is, if my partner was still alive i wouldnt even think about suicide. but he's gone now and he was my reason to live. i want to pass, but im scared of hurting my parents, especially my mum. i don't know how to cope with the fact that i'm going to break her heart. but what about my pain?
im so mad at my partner for leaving me. he had so much support he couldve been alive today if he reached out for help instead of comiting suicide... im broken and conflicted.

Is the same help that was available for him there for you?

Its such a complex set of emotions but even at this point in your life you are thinking of others who love you. Why not give help a try? It might not work but at least then when you try to rationalise ctb you will know you exhausted all other options

The fact you are conflicted means there is some hope deep inside there perhaps, whatever you decide keep on posting as we are here if you want us to be

 

[Lucas70]

Then you should also try not to ctb yourself if you know ur mom will get hurt like what ur partner did to you.Dont trust our mind.We are not normal human being,thats y we cant function well in the society

 

[whywere]

With ctb being one and done, I agree with others here, as if it is going to cause pain in your family, I would think long and hard about it, at least in the present.

With my 2 attempts, I had no one who would have cared and/or been hurt at all, same now also, but I would have at the very least, had a long, long internal talk with myself if it would have caused grief and pain in a loved one.

We are all together here on SS and like @cambrai33 said so eloquently: " we are here if you want us to be", brilliant!

Take care and may your days be filled with bright blue sunny skies and all the folks here on SS.

Walter

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I don't think you should be upset at your late partner. You can't expect others to live in agony to spare your feelings. Ultimately I think your parents will understand even if it takes them some time.

Dying is hard but so is living just to please other people. Both choices are awful but at the end of the day you have to make a decision. Either make an earnest attempt at recovery or to ctb. If you just wait around doing nothing then your life will only get worse. Trust me, I speak from experience.

 

[Chey]

i really want to die. the thing is, if my partner was still alive i wouldnt even think about suicide. but he's gone now and he was my reason to live. i want to pass, but im scared of hurting my parents, especially my mum. i don't know how to cope with the fact that i'm going to break her heart. but what about my pain?
im so mad at my partner for leaving me. he had so much support he couldve been alive today if he reached out for help instead of comiting suicide... im broken and conflicted.

I'm sorry for your loss. Please try reach out to your parents and tell them how you feel. You are concerned for their feelings and what you're experiencing right now is natural for the loss you have experienced. Please find the support your partner would have had.

I don't think you should be upset at your late partner. You can't expect others to live in agony to spare your feelings. Ultimately I think your parents will understand even if it takes them some time.

Dying is hard but so is living just to please other people. Both choices are awful but at the end of the day you have to make a decision. Either make an earnest attempt at recovery or to ctb. If you just wait around doing nothing then your life will only get worse. Trust me, I speak from experience.

I don't think it's as simple as choosing to not be angry when losing someone to suicide regardless of beliefs. It's an emotional reaction which is very normal and natural and one most people will experience when losing someone they love by suicide. Please allow her space and time to process her feelings and voice them just as any of us do.