Venting I want to know that I'm not alone

[RedRazor]

Hey everyone, I'm RedRazor and this is my first post.

I didn't know what to talk about but I just wanted to ask if any of you feel the same way I do and what do you to deal with it?


I was burdened with Mental Illness, specifically Anxiety. It's so damn hard to make and connect with people, especially with the current social norms. It feels like everyone and anyone is so unforgiving and I hate the fact that I have to work harder than most people to make connections. I choke when I talk to people and it serves to paralyze me during the most important times. I feel like a mistake when I fail, and I wonder why my mom brought me here in the first place. I've told her several times and she told me she feels remorse but I just don't know why I came out the way I did.

The constant fucking comparison to other people is dreadful. I compare myself to old/current classmates, crushes, "exs", and friends. I feel a burning hatred towards them, since it feels like I was put in a competition I didn't sign up for. Not to mention, coming from a minority family means that there's a lot of pressure for me to succeed both academically and professionally (not by them, but by myself).

I hate the thought that I will have to work for the rest of my life if I don't succeed.

Society cannot be fixed, there will always be people who want to hurt others. These norms and constructs are painful and everlasting.

How do you cope with such circumstance? How do you cope with your own issues? How the fuck do you keep marching?

 

[iloverachel]

You are definitely not alone in this. Based on my short time on here, anxiety, loneliness and difficulty in connecting with others is extremely common.

I honestly don't cope with it at all. I avoid social situations, I tend to stay in my comfort zone in my own home and pretty much shut the world out. I will never be accepted in society so I don't see a point in trying to socialize

 

[LaughingGoat]

Like others I certainly relate to your feelings, but I'll focus on the last part asking how to deal with them, specifically in terms of comparisons and expectations. My experience is it's necessary to decide what characteristics, achievements, etc. are important to you rather than what other's expectations are of you and train yourself to not compare yourself to everyone else. We didn't sign up for the competition, but we aren't actually forced to play along. It can seem like there is no choice but to engage in the rat race, but that's mainly an illusion.

 

[eatantz]

You sound just like me, i completely relate with you. Posts like these always make me feel miserable because it makes me realise other people are also suffering in the same way I am. Anxiety controls my life, I relate to not being able to connect and speak with people, my autism makes it impossible as well.

When it comes to coping, for me I self-harm and romanticise death. Not particularly the most healthy strategy but its kept me going. All I know is that I have to patient because one day we all will die whether we ctb or not. I keep on going because there's goals I want to accomplish before I die, there's movies I want to watch and places I need to go.

When I first joined this site I was ready to die, but after being in this community its actually made me want to keep going [something no amount of therapy has ever done]. The people on this site have actually changed my perspective on life. I thought the whole of society was shit and I never saw the good in people, until i came here. I feel normal now, everyone here is so cool and understanding that I want to keep on living for a while longer just to be able to interact with the people here.

 

[RedRazor]

You are definitely not alone in this. Based on my short time on here, anxiety, loneliness and difficulty in connecting with others is extremely common.

I honestly don't cope with it at all. I avoid social situations, I tend to stay in my comfort zone in my own home and pretty much shut the world out. I will never be accepted in society so I don't see a point in trying to socialize

How can I try to change that?

I'm asking this because I'm going into Political Science to change society as much as possible. I understand this is incredibly ambitious and unlikely. Still, I don't want to see others suffer from societal constructs and norms, especially if they didn't consent to being here in the first place. Despite not asking to be in this world. everyone should feel the positives that this universe has to offer over the negatives. Life should be worth living.

What changes would you like to see? What can people do better to fix our society? I mean this from a more personal perspective. What policies are initiatives would you like to see?

Sorry if this is a lot. I'm just curious and would like to do whatever I can to benefit those who are marginalized in the future.

Your not alone, your really not. But one thing I will say, don't knock being alone. You can't let anyone down, you can't be a failure, you don't feel guilty that eats you up, you don't make yourself ill by working 90 hour weeks none stop even when seriously ill. You have noone to worry about when you leave

Being with others is great, but see the potential for being alone. Plus I guarantee as you get older, people mature and you 100% wont be alone

Wish I had stayed alone now. My people are my whole world and the thought of leaving them is the worst pain you will ever ever ever know

I'm glad you didn't stay alone. You're experiencing what it's like to be alive and connected with others. That in itself is valuable, and although being lonely is just as valuable, loneliness can always be achieved whenever, wherever, while the human connection is more unique in its rarity and its experiences.

Like others I certainly relate to your feelings, but I'll focus on the last part asking how to deal with them, specifically in terms of comparisons and expectations. My experience is it's necessary to decide what characteristics, achievements, etc. are important to you rather than what other's expectations are of you and train yourself to not compare yourself to everyone else. We didn't sign up for the competition, but we aren't actually forced to play along. It can seem like there is no choice but to engage in the rat race, but that's mainly an illusion.

I like this type of thinking. It's not until you point it out that it's just an illusion that it all makes sense.

If I'm being entirely honest though, it's so fucking hard to not compare. I don't know if it's an anxiety thing or a depression thing, but I just can't refrain from doing it. It seems like the comparison is a testament to how far I'm willing to go to improve myself, to make myself feel valid, and secure in a world that doesn't care about my feelings.

Yes, it may be an illusion, but the fact that some of these people actively benefit from the advantages they receive is frustrating and unfair. It cuts my soul to see someone actively enjoy life, without being forced to put in 10x times the work to achieve that. Society actively pushes down those who are marginalized and forces them to work much harder, and to keep myself from rambling, is my main gripe with the whole thing.

You sound just like me, i completely relate with you. Posts like these always make me feel miserable because it makes me realise other people are also suffering in the same way I am. Anxiety controls my life, I relate to not being able to connect and speak with people, my autism makes it impossible as well.

When it comes to coping, for me I self-harm and romanticise death. Not particularly the most healthy strategy but its kept me going. All I know is that I have to patient because one day we all will die whether we ctb or not. I keep on going because there's goals I want to accomplish before I die, there's movies I want to watch and places I need to go.

When I first joined this site I was ready to die, but after being in this community its actually made me want to keep going [something no amount of therapy has ever done]. The people on this site have actually changed my perspective on life. I thought the whole of society was shit and I never saw the good in people, until i came here. I feel normal now, everyone here is so cool and understanding that I want to keep on living for a while longer just to be able to interact with the people here.

It feels nice to see that I am not alone.

I completely understand your coping mechanisms. Self-harm is the one thing that keeps me from flying over the edge. I'm not sure if you can relate to this, so let me know if you can, but when I self-harm, I feel like my problems are validated. Like they matter. They exist because they are actively present as injuries on my body. My injuries exist, and therefore, so do my problems. In a world that does not recognize issues for what they are, self-harm fulfills that for me.

I like the last part of the second paragraph. Your willingness to keep going, not to impress others but to do the things that YOU want to do. That is admirable, and I actively encourage you to keep going for the sole purpose of doing the things YOU want to do. There is a world of things set out for you, and I do not doubt that you can accomplish those things.

In regards to your last paragraph, I am a noobie but from what I can see with the recent replies of my post, that seems to be the case. These people seem kind and caring, and I look forward to more interactions with other people on this site!

 

[Linda]

Hey everyone, I'm RedRazor and this is my first post.

I didn't know what to talk about but I just wanted to ask if any of you feel the same way I do and what do you to deal with it?


I was burdened with Mental Illness, specifically Anxiety. It's so damn hard to make and connect with people, especially with the current social norms. It feels like everyone and anyone is so unforgiving and I hate the fact that I have to work harder than most people to make connections. I choke when I talk to people and it serves to paralyze me during the most important times. I feel like a mistake when I fail, and I wonder why my mom brought me here in the first place. I've told her several times and she told me she feels remorse but I just don't know why I came out the way I did.

The constant fucking comparison to other people is dreadful. I compare myself to old/current classmates, crushes, "exs", and friends. I feel a burning hatred towards them, since it feels like I was put in a competition I didn't sign up for. Not to mention, coming from a minority family means that there's a lot of pressure for me to succeed both academically and professionally (not by them, but by myself).

I hate the thought that I will have to work for the rest of my life if I don't succeed.

Society cannot be fixed, there will always be people who want to hurt others. These norms and constructs are painful and everlasting.

How do you cope with such circumstance? How do you cope with your own issues? How the fuck do you keep marching?

I'll just pick up on one point. You say "I feel like a mistake when I fail". I think that's the wrong way to look at it. My own attitude is that if I never fail at anything I am not setting the bar high enough for myself. Failure, now and again, is a normal part of life. Everyone fails at things sometimes. It's going to happen, you should expect it, and it's nothing to worry about. However, smart people try to turn failures to their own advantage. They consider, carefully, what went wrong, and they learn from it so that they are less likely to fail in that way in the future. You can do the same.
I'm considered an expert in my own field, but even in that field I sometimes make mistakes. It's annoying when it happens, and occasionally embarrassing, but I don't let it bother me unduly.

 

[RedRazor]

I'll just pick up on one point. You say "I feel like a mistake when I fail". I think that's the wrong way to look at it. My own attitude is that if I never fail at anything I am not setting the bar high enough for myself. Failure, now and again, is a normal part of life. Everyone fails at things sometimes. It's going to happen, you should expect it, and it's nothing to worry about. However, smart people try to turn failures to their own advantage. They consider, carefully, what went wrong, and they learn from it so that they are less likely to fail in that way in the future. You can do the same.
I'm considered an expert in my own field, but even in that field I sometimes make mistakes. It's annoying when it happens, and occasionally embarrassing, but I don't let it bother me unduly.

The Failure here are things out of my control. When I fail at social interactions, it's not really something I can change. Sure I can always get more comfortable with socializing but I will always have that anxiety. It never leaves. When it's a constant Failure, like anxiety in social interactions, it really makes you feel like a mistake. I know it sounds like I'm surrounding myself in a pit of sadness with this mentality but that's just my thought process.

 

[suizsuicide]

This i relate. I didnt ask to be ill its something i feel is a burden to me and everyone that has to put up with me. My illness is genetic on my moms side of the family, the gene skipped her but i wasnt lucky. The chances of it passing to me was high and i wish if she had known that she wouldnt have decided to birth me. I spent so much time thinking god had cursed me because why would he allow someone like me to suffer?
Its not fair for us, people make it so hard for us to feel accepted and seen. We still have a long way to go before society becomes less ignorant about mental illness.
No your not alone. Life is a bitch and youve done nothing wrong to deserve the struggle. Its not your fault, some good people are just cursed to have bad things and for no reason. I wish you well!

 

[RedRazor]

This i relate. I didnt ask to be ill its something i feel is a burden to me and everyone that has to put up with me. My illness is genetic on my moms side of the family, the gene skipped her but i wasnt lucky. The chances of it passing to me was high and i wish if she had known that she wouldnt have decided to birth me. I spent so much time thinking god had cursed me because why would he allow someone like me to suffer?
Its not fair for us, people make it so hard for us to feel accepted and seen. We still have a long way to go before society becomes less ignorant about mental illness.
No your not alone. Life is a bitch and youve done nothing wrong to deserve the struggle. Its not your fault, some good people are just cursed to have bad things and for no reason. I wish you well!

Likewise. Thanks for reading and leaving your feedback. I feel it with the whole parent thing as well but find myself conflicted. She put in the work and effort because she believes that I am more than capable enough to handle it. I'm sure your parents thought the same. I don't know what to think about it though as it adds more nuance to the situation.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Plus I guarantee as you get older, people mature and you 100% wont be alone

Not for everyone. I wasn't alone when I was younger, but as I got older and older, family started to die off until I had none remaining and "friends" that I had in my more youthful years went their own way, as did I. It's much, much harder to make friendships as you get older, as most people already have their friendships solidified. I was never able to make new ones at work or anything, and by not getting married and gaining a "2nd" family, that route was shut down, too. My only point is that things don't always improve as we age, at least not for everyone. It's just as likely, maybe even more so, that things go the other way.

 

[Hotsackage]

Yes

 

[Linda]

The Failure here are things out of my control. When I fail at social interactions, it's not really something I can change. Sure I can always get more comfortable with socializing but I will always have that anxiety. It never leaves. When it's a constant Failure, like anxiety in social interactions, it really makes you feel like a mistake. I know it sounds like I'm surrounding myself in a pit of sadness with this mentality but that's just my thought process.

I used to be very anxious in social situations. But with time, and practice, the anxiety diminished. I still have it - I think it's in my DNA - but now it's not a major problem. I suggest that you keep putting yourself into social situations until you get more used to it all. If you find some kinds of social situations more difficult that others, then concentrate first on feeling more comfortable in the easy ones. You can work up to the more difficult ones later. Your problem is never going to go away completely, but you can reduce it, over time, to an inconvenience rather than a problem. Don't give up.

 

[RedRazor]

I used to be very anxious in social situations. But with time, and practice, the anxiety diminished. I still have it - I think it's in my DNA - but now it's not a major problem. I suggest that you keep putting yourself into social situations until you get more used to it all. If you find some kinds of social situations more difficult that others, then concentrate first on feeling more comfortable in the easy ones. You can work up to the more difficult ones later. Your problem is never going to go away completely, but you can reduce it, over time, to an inconvenience rather than a problem. Don't give up.

I guess you're right. I just hate seeing that I have to work much harder than others to achieve some of the same results. It's sucks.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

My water heater needs to be cleaned of sludge buildup.
Same with my water softener system.
I'm online right now shopping for a new DVR for my security system because the hard drive just ate it.
Car maintenance...
Laundry...
Yard work...

Not only has society gotten intolerable, living in general is just too much damn maintenance. An amount of maintenance that far outweighs any joy of living. It's a 24/7 chore. Why on earth do people feel the need to keep procreating more victims into this insufferable life of constant maintenance?

Oh, and I am Asian as well. So I defintely feel (or at one point felt) your pain as far as parents comparing you to other people. It's all so pointless.

 

[gogoprince]

You're not a mistake. You deserve unconditional love and support. Its hard to not compare yourself to others when you're feeling insecure, but no matter what we do on this earth we will never not be deserving of love. I hope you can find some peace and recognize your intrinsic value as a person.

 

[RedRazor]

You're not a mistake. You deserve unconditional love and support. Its hard to not compare yourself to others when you're feeling insecure, but no matter what we do on this earth we will never not be deserving of love. I hope you can find some peace and recognize your intrinsic value as a person.

Just gotta keep fighting to believe it. Thank you for the wise words and the kind reminder.