Venting I want to kms but I'm not sure about it.

[codein]

I didn't want to live, and I didn't care if I died or stayed alive, but I met my boyfriend and he became my biggest motivation. He was the first person I felt something real for (considering I have autism, a narcissistic, schizoid, and antisocial personality disorder, plus extreme difficulty creating and maintaining any kind of bond). I understand that I shouldn't place all the responsibility of staying alive on him, and I have slight suspicions that he doesn't like me very much. I feel terrible. I also have fibromyalgia, and the more I think about it, the more pain I feel. I've lost all my will to live. I don't have much hope. I wanted to be enough for him since he was the only person I felt something real for, and I would love it if it were him. Sometimes I feel like I'm forcing it, and I constantly have suicidal thoughts or thoughts of checking myself into a psychiatric hospital, but I don't want to be away from him, and I also know that if they put me in a psychiatric hospital, I'll be without my pain medication. I don't know what to do. I'd like some advice on how to stop feeling this way or explain it to him without him stopping liking me. He also suffers from several problems, and I avoid talking about mine so I don't seem annoying and he hates me, but I feel so insecure. (If the text sounds strange, it's because I'm using a translator.)

 

[bl33ding_heart]

If you're unsure then just wait. The option to ctb is always there if your life stays terrible. But the option to keep going won't be if you ctb. Also I'm pretty sure you can still take your pain medication in a mental hospital as long as you have an official diagnosis and can show your prescription. I really hope your life is able to improve for the better.

 

[codein]

Thank you so much, I'm almost 100% decided that I want to do this. And about the psychiatric clinic, I went to one for two months and even with the official diagnosis of fibromyalgia, they took away all my pain medication and even my sleeping pills, they stopped them all at once, without even a weaning process. They gave the justification that I am dependent on the medication.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Thank you so much, I'm almost 100% decided that I want to do this. And about the psychiatric clinic, I went to one for two months and even with the official diagnosis of fibromyalgia, they took away all my pain medication and even my sleeping pills, they stopped them all at once, without even a weaning process. They gave the justification that I am dependent on the medication.

What country do you live in?

 

[codein]

What country do you live in?

brazil

 

[bl33ding_heart]

brazil

Oh that sort of makes sense. I think it's better for you to receive treatment without being admitted to a psych ward if possible. That way you can keep your pain medication and still possibly get better. I'd recommend not talking about or mentioning any plans to ctb though because that will likely result in you being admitted to a psych ward involuntarily.

 

[codein]

Oh that sort of makes sense. I think it's better for you to receive treatment without being admitted to a psych ward if possible. That way you can keep your pain medication and still possibly get better. I'd recommend not talking about or mentioning any plans to ctb though because that will likely result in you being admitted to a psych ward involuntarily.

The problem is that I've been in psychological treatment since I was 6 years old, and I've been taking controlled medication since I was 11, but I only feel things getting worse. I don't know what to do.

Oh that sort of makes sense. I think it's better for you to receive treatment without being admitted to a psych ward if possible. That way you can keep your pain medication and still possibly get better. I'd recommend not talking about or mentioning any plans to ctb though because that will likely result in you being admitted to a psych ward involuntarily.

Btw, I'm legally required to undergo psychiatric treatment through the municipal service (in Brazil it's called CAPS) at least until I'm 18. It's like a court order; if I don't go, my parents are notified and I could even be involuntarily committed.

 

[Jadeith]

I'd like some advice on how to stop feeling this way or explain it to him without him stopping liking me.

I'm always in favor of clear communication. If you want to forge stable relationship amidst all this chaos that goes in your and his brain, you both need to talk. Without pretending, without lying, without hiding anything. You both must know what y'all are standing on when planning your future together. If you have problem with saying things, then try to write them down and then read them aloud to him. This way, you won't forget anything and won't stutter looking for correct word. And you cannot "prevent" someone from not liking you. Even if you pretend that you are someone else, in time truth will come out and then you'll end up being dislike not only for what you are but also because you lied about it.

As for being unsure - if you are unsure, then you definitely should not. Suicide is strictly binary decision as there's no reset, no turning back or try again. If you do it, it's final and cannot be reversed so if there's even a hint of doubt in your mind then do not even try until you are 100% sure.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

The problem is that I've been in psychological treatment since I was 6 years old, and I've been taking controlled medication since I was 11, but I only feel things getting worse. I don't know what to do.

Btw, I'm legally required to undergo psychiatric treatment through the municipal service (in Brazil it's called CAPS) at least until I'm 18. It's like a court order; if I don't go, my parents are notified and I could even be involuntarily committed.

Have you tried schema therapy? It's a form of therapy that combines aspects of cbt, attachment therapy and gestalt therapy. I've never tried it myself but from my knowledge it can be very helpful especially for complex disorders. Also, what forms of medication have you taken? It's very common for psychiatrists to give people unhelpful medication and fuck them up.

 

[codein]

Você já tentou a terapia de esquemas? É uma forma de terapia que combina aspectos da TCC (terapia cognitivo-comportamental), terapia de apego e terapia gestalt. Eu nunca experimentei, mas pelo que sei, pode ser muito útil, especialmente para transtornos complexos. Além disso, que tipos de medicação você já tomou? É muito comum psiquiatras prescreverem medicamentos ineficazes e acabarem prejudicando o tratamento de algumas pessoas.

not sure, i will try !

Have you tried schema therapy? It's a form of therapy that combines aspects of cbt, attachment therapy and gestalt therapy. I've never tried it myself but from my knowledge it can be very helpful especially for complex disorders. Also, what forms of medication have you taken? It's very common for psychiatrists to give people unhelpful medication and fuck them up.

I am currently taking alprazolam, lamotrigine, desvenlafaxine, gabapentin, and pregabalin, and I used to take codeine and tramadol for pain.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

not sure, i will try !

I am currently taking alprazolam, lamotrigine, desvenlafaxine, gabapentin, and pregabalin, and I used to take codeine and tramadol for pain.

Have you ever tried antipsychotics? They can be pretty harsh but are worth a try if you're symptoms are severe enough and other forms of medication/treatment haven't worked.

 

[codein]

Você já experimentou antipsicóticos? Eles podem ser bem fortes, mas vale a pena tentar se seus sintomas forem graves o suficiente e outros medicamentos/tratamentos não tiverem funcionado.

Sim, já experimentei quase todos; os que estou tomando atualmente são os que funcionaram melhor para mim. Tomo medicação há mais de 6 anos.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Sim, já experimentei quase todos; os que estou tomando atualmente são os que funcionaram melhor para mim. Tomo medicação há mais de 6 anos.

Espero que as coisas corram bem para você.

 

[interna]

i dont have advice, but maybe you'd like the song "Hated by life itself", sung by Oktavia.

 

[Imausername]

Don't rush it