I want to go but not hurt family

[Bruces]

How can I go?

 

[Celerity]

There isn't a way to do it peacefully except wait for them to die first. If I knew a way to make my death look accidental, I'd probably be dead already.

 

[FuneralCry]

To end our own pain, it passes it on to other people. I know others will be sad, but the way I see it, it will not be of my concern as I will no longer be here. However it is an difficult situation to be in. Ideally I would love to just erase my existence completely. I plan to write a note, which may help a bit, it could act as closure I guess.

 

[Luchs]

How can I go?

I plan on just leaving on foot without notifying anyone, taking a knife and ending it somewhere deep in the woods where I'll never be found, while leaving behind a letter about how I'm leaving to go to another place and build a new life there, because I'm not happy here.

 

[logan]

I plan on just leaving on foot without notifying anyone, taking a knife and ending it somewhere deep in the woods where I'll never be found, while leaving behind a letter about how I'm leaving to go to another place and build a new life there, because I'm not happy here.

Maybe this uncertainty is much worse for your family. You can't come to terms with it then, and you can't grieve either ...

 

[Jumping_realms]

I plan on letting them know there is absolutely nothing they could have done differently for a different outcome in my letter. Also, that none of this is anyone's "fault".

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

I feel you friend I am in the same boat. There is no way to go without hurting your family. Like the first reply said, wait until they are not alive is the only option.

Dealing with someone who ended themselves is an absolute motherfucker to the brain. Can tell you that first hand.

 

[StevieNixs]

I am in this exact position and planned to exit after the death of my sister, but I am in this paradoxical situation of being in a great deal of emotional pain myself, whilst observing how destroyed my family are by my sibling's death. I think about CTB every hour of every day whilst having to support my immediate family through their grief (whilst also grieving). For example, having to help my niece clear her mother's house which is still happening; helping her arrange my sister's funeral and adhere to her wishes; trying to find bereavement support and counselling services for her as she has expressed the desire to CTB (she has no siblings, her father left when she was one, and only has me, my pensioner mother, my younger sibling, and her very young children and her partner who does what he can to help). Trying to tell her to stay alive for her young children leaves me feeling like a hypocrite. She is in a very bad way and I am supporting her whilst not wanting to be here myself. I imagined the other day CTB whilst my family are amidst all of the above. It simply would not be fair at this time, but I have to say that being here is tortuous. I have already started to pack up my house, and they have no idea of course. I feel as if I am in limbo. So what I have decided to do is to do everything that I can to help my niece - for example, she wants to move so she does not have to pass her mother's road every day - then depart. My niece needs support attending hospital appointments as she has an autoimmune disease etc, but once she is settled I will exit. but staying around at the moment is very, very hard....I have to take low doses of Valium in order to stay numb enough to not take any action during this time.

 

[Celerity]

I am in this exact position and planned to exit after the death of my sister, but I am in this paradoxical situation of being in a great deal of emotional pain myself, whilst observing how destroyed my family are by my sibling's death. I think about CTB every hour of every day whilst having to support my immediate family through their grief (whilst also grieving). For example, having to help my niece clear her mother's house which is still happening; helping her arrange my sister's funeral and adhere to her wishes; trying to find bereavement support and counselling services for her as she has expressed the desire to CTB (she has no siblings, her father left when she was one, and only has me, my pensioner mother, my younger sibling, and her very young children and her partner who does what he can to help). Trying to tell her to stay alive for her young children leaves me feeling like a hypocrite. She is in a very bad way and I am supporting her whilst not wanting to be here myself. I imagined the other day CTB whilst my family are amidst all of the above. It simply would not be fair at this time, but I have to say that being here is tortuous. I have already started to pack up my house, and they have no idea of course. I feel as if I am in limbo. So what I have decided to do is to do everything that I can to help my niece - for example, she wants to move so she does not have to pass her mother's road every day. She needs support attending hospital appointments as she has an autoimmune disease etc, but once she is settled I will exit. but staying around at the moment is very, very hard....I have to take low doses of Valium in order to stay numb enough to not take any action during this time.

I'm not trying to be a normie, pro-lifer here, but have you sought any help for dealing with the death of your sister. How long have you been suicidal? I would hate for someone who has hope of recovery to kill themselves.

 

[StevieNixs]

I'm not trying to be a normie, pro-lifer here, but have you sought any help for dealing with the death of your sister. How long have you been suicidal? I would hate for someone who has hope of recovery to kill themselves.

Hi - I have felt suicidal for many years. The result of PTSD caused by a number of personal traumas, periodic eating disorders, horrible events that have happened in my life PLUS the death of four (now five close family members in the last few years. I planned to CTB in April 21 then received a phone call to tell me my sister was very ill so put it on hold. Now that she is gone, there is little desire to remain around. In answer to your question my sister's death was simply the accelerant in all of this. Grief is one reason - but there are a myriad of other reasons, and even if she was alive I would have still planned to CTB.

 

[Celerity]

Hi - I have felt suicidal for many years. The result of PTSD caused by a number of personal traumas, periodic eating disorders, horrible events that have happened in my life PLUS the death of four (now five close family members in the last few years. I planned to CTB in April 21 then received a phone call to tell me my sister was very ill so put it on hold. Now that she is gone, there is little desire to remain around. In answer to your question my sister's death was simply the accelerant in all of this. Grief is one reason - but there are a myriad of other reasons, and even if she was alive I would have still planned to CTB.

I'm so sorry. That's a lot for someone to take. I can see why you're on here with us.

 

[whyidon'tknow]

I feel the same way you do. Who am am I to hurt my loved ones in such a horrible way? My strategy is to make my death quick, non messy, and to not have family or friends find me. I would rather have the cops find me.


Wishing you love and kindness